Canyons of Life

[SAJ-99]

This a day of such mixed emotions. My wife and I are headed to a wedding in Jackson, MT. When we get home, our youngest daughter will be driving to northern Michigan on an adventure with one of her best friends.

They are both working there until the end of October. Then, she’s thinking of staying there and attending school.

I’m incredibly proud of the growth in her, and her having the courage to take a leap like this. I also have a giant hole in my heart, thinking of her leaving. When I started this thread, I was terrified she’d never reach this point in life. What a journey.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding

View attachment 377793

Don't worry, she will call for advice about two hours after that first gas-station hot dog on the drive.

 

[El Jason]

The significance of the dogs' pallet was lost on me until I took a closer look...1000 words that make it dustier in here

Tears were rolling when I snapped that.

 

[Hammsolo]

Our daughter heading to College in a little over a month. Our only kid.
Fortunately a short drive of hell to Bozeman. She is pretty independent but it's nice to know for the next four years she will be close by. I still think it will be an adjustment.

My son is headed to Bozeman too. Go Griz…

 

[Hem]

My son is headed to Bozeman too. Go Griz…

That's not very supportive^^

 

[El Jason]

Another very positive update to this thread, and hopefully one of its final chapters.

Middle daughter left about an hour ago to spend a week at an out of state location with her current employer. She has tentatively accepted a promotion and will spend the week there and hopefully find a place to live.

She’s been struggling with the fact both of her sisters are out in the big world and she’s still here. I think it fueled some serious feelings of inadequacy. However, she’s not a super huge risk taker and to move somewhere completely new is way outside of her wheelhouse. But, she’s been talking about getting a fresh start for a few months and has been exploring options.

I’m excited for her. She is planning on moving right after Christmas. Our youngest will be home from Michigan and is going to help move her and then spend a few days with her after we head home. I was kind of shocked by this, but it appears their sibling relationships are healing and they are learning to trust each other. It kind of choked me up a bit when I heard about it.

It seems both the middle and youngest have made it through the dark years of adolescence, and have developed some resiliency to help launch them into adulthood, and overcome life challenges and adversity along the way. It’s pretty humbling to see their individual acts of courage inspire each other as they grow, struggle and flourish.

“I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children are following the truth.”

‭‭3 John‬ ‭1‬:‭4‬ ‭NLT

 

[mtmuley]

Another very positive update to this thread, and hopefully one of its final chapters.

Middle daughter left about an hour ago to spend a week at an out of state location with her current employer. She has tentatively accepted a promotion and will spend the week there and hopefully find a place to live.

She’s been struggling with the fact both of her sisters are out in the big world and she’s still here. I think it fueled some serious feelings of inadequacy. However, she’s not a super huge risk taker and to move somewhere completely new is way outside of her wheelhouse. But, she’s been talking about getting a fresh start for a few months and has been exploring options.

I’m excited for her. She is planning on moving right after Christmas. Our youngest will be home from Michigan and is going to help move her and then spend a few days with her after we head home. I was kind of shocked by this, but it appears their sibling relationships are healing and they are learning to trust each other. It kind of choked me up a bit when I heard about it.

It seems both the middle and youngest have made it through the dark years of adolescence, and have developed some resiliency to help launch them into adulthood, and overcome life challenges and adversity along the way. It’s pretty humbling to see their individual acts of courage inspire each other as they grow, struggle and flourish.

“I could have no greater joy than to hear that my children are following the truth.”

‭‭3 John‬ ‭1‬:‭4‬ ‭NLT

Great news. It's a journey I know also. Happy for your daughter. mtmuley

 

[Nick87]

Glad to hear. I haven't been a parent as long as some of you guys, but sometimes I listen to people I know who dont have kids talk about stress. Clueless. Glad your on a good run. It sure makes the hard times worth it when things are running smoothly.

 

[Salmonchaser]

This is absolutely fantastic news. You all have done remarkable work.

 

[Southern Elk]

Glad to hear another positive update. I wish you all continued success.

 

[Dave N]

Great news. These things are hard on not just the individual but everyone in their surroundings. It's not anything to treat lightly and it sounds like you folks have straightened things out pretty well. Good luck to her in her new adventure!

 

[Hammsolo]

God Bless! I’ll have them in my prayers each morning for a smooth adventure. So happy for you buddy.

 

[rmyoung1]

Love this, Jason. God bless your family!

 

[RidgeRunner76]

Disclaimer: very much non hunting, and some incredibly heavy shit. If that isn’t your thing, stop reading. This is truly the anti instagram reel about life.

This is without doubt, the hardest post I’ve ever written. I debated about sharing this, and my natural inclination is to lock it away from the world where no one can see it. However, some of you are close and personal friends. Some of you are parents. Some of you will be parents. Some of you may be walking through something similar, and some of you may be in the future.

I left late morning Friday to meet a couple of friends for a season finale chukar hunt in Oregon. I almost didn’t go. My youngest two daughters had an apocalyptic blow-up Thursday while I was at work. My youngest daughter went to a friend’s house to stay while things cooled down. I thought we had things kind of worked out that we could let emotions cool for a few days, and then revisit things early in the week.

The last hour and half of the drive is completely off grid. As I drove Friday evening, I had an increasingly overwhelming sense of dread something horrible was going to happen while I was gone. I chalked it up to an overactive mind and a lifelong struggle of giving things like these a little time to settle. I prayed for peace of mind. My sense of unease lessened but didn’t go away.

Saturday, while hunting, I had an overwhelming sense of urgency to find some cell coverage. I tried climbing higher but couldn’t find any. When we got back to camp, I borrowed my buddy’s inReach to send a text to my wife. She said come home ASAP.

I called my wife as soon as I got cell coverage on the way. My youngest daughter attempted to overdose Friday night. By the grace of God, she threw up twice during the night, which probably saved her life. My wife went down to talk to her Saturday morning and ended up taking her directly to the ER. When my wife finished telling me the story, she gave the phone to my daughter. I cried so hard I had to pull over. I was almost unable to speak. When I got the hospital that night, I was able to see her. She was exhausted and barely awake. I held her and cried.

My wife stayed in the ER, and I came home to take care of the dog. Saturday night was one of the darkest nights of my life. There is a back story here. Both of my parents committed suicide when I was 25. Mental illness and suicidal tendencies are a genetic reality. I blamed myself for the pain and torment my youngest daughter was living in. All three of my girls have struggled with anxiety and depression. I struggled with the reality they had to bear the burden of my family’s past. I fought an overwhelming urge to burn the house down and disappear.

I cried. I screamed at no one. I asked God why my kids had to suffer. I read the notes she had left and cried more. I screamed until I was hoarse. I slept fitfully.

Sunday was rough. I was a physical, mental, and emotional wreck. My daughter told me I looked like an 80-year-old man. I felt like it. I cried and prayed with her. I told her I was sorry in whatever way I had let her down as a parent. My best friend sent me a text Sunday night. He told me “We don’t get a say in whatever God’s plan is for us, but it’s inevitable.” I read that over and over that night.

On Monday, a psychiatrist interviewed my daughter, and then us. He recommended inpatient treatment. My daughter was scared and wanted to go home. I wanted to take her home. She wanted to see Finn. We all cried. I told her I thought inpatient treatment would be best for her, but in the end, she would not be forced to go.

Segue to the backstory again, my mom attempted to overdose prior to her death. She was held for a 48-hour mandatory stay in the psychiatric ward in the hospital after she was released from the ER. We visited her, and she was pleading and demanding we get her out. As family, we could do so. We refused. I will never forget walking away from her room with her yelling at us to get her out. She needed help but refused it completely.

Fast forward, that memory was haunting me. I was terrified we would experience the same thing here. Finally, at 1:00PM they told her there was a bed available and she could check in at 2:00PM. I sat down by her and asked her what she thought. She closed her eyes and began to cry. My heart stopped. She opened them and said, “I’ll go.” I was completely overwhelmed with emotion. I cried pretty much uncontrollably the whole way home to get her some clothes and take Finn to see her.

The check in process was hard. She can’t have visitors. I can’t even begin to describe how scary it is to leave your baby girl in a situation like this. I am praying continually for God to watch over her, to protect her, to give her the strength to be vulnerable, to heal her heart, and to give her confidence in who she is as a person. We don’t know how long she’ll be there. The uncertainty and fear is nearly crippling at times.

The ripple effect from this is like an emotional tsunami. Where do you start picking up the pieces and sorting through emotions? The mind is an amazing and beautiful thing, but it can also be terrifying in how it works. Hug your family. We get a second chance at being whole, and for that I am forever grateful. The what ifs are incomprehensible. Don’t take anything for granted. Talk to your kids. The signs aren’t always obvious, even to professionals.

Even in the deepest and darkest canyons, there is hope.

I lift my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. Psalms 121:1-2

Hey my Friend,

Although we don't personally know each other, just understand we don't walk alone. There are many of us living the same nightmares.

My family is pretty solid. Especially now for the most part. Writing this post as hopefully a beacon of light for you and your's.

Married for 26 year's, been together over 30. Twin daughter's that were born 2.5 month's premature at 2lbs 10, 2lbs 11oz. Non-existent Health Insurance at the time in 1999. December 16th. LifeFlight on the heli-pad. I was briefed to save my wife or tye kids but not both. There is a reason this matters later.

Son, was born in 2004. Friday February 13th. He suffered his 1st major Concussion in 2nd Grade while I was hunting elk that fall. I still remember the conversations I had sitting off highway 50 out of Gunnison. All because a shithead thought it was funny. It gets extremely worse but a conversation for another day. If you know anything about concussions, they are extremely easy for more after the 1st. Brain chemistry changes. They become susceptible unfortunately.

We've documented 3 major and 6 suspect from simple acts of what all children do. They love to play. To expend energy at school. Even with 504/IEP/Safety Plans in place.

That said, our son left school one day with a bad migraine. Not uncommon. Like you I had a deep sense of foreboding. At the time I had a great job 5 minutes from home. I said #*^@#* it, and left.

What i found when I got home is a parents worst nightmare. Luck of timing was everything. I couldn't find him at 1st. Upstairs on our finished part of the home. Reluctantly I went into the basement to find him sitting on the floor with a noose hung over the I-Beam.

That 1 moment of intuition saved everything. He didn't even know why he wanted to live. Just that he didn't.

What happened next was a family that devoted everything into being a family. It was never easy. Daily a constant fight. Therapists, Physichiatrists, Neurologist.

Always the outcast.

All this changed his Senior year in small ways. The AST/School System honored him from Perseverance and Academic responsibility albeit he wasn't Honor Role.

He Briefly worked in the Trades in a company I ran day to day operations for.

A couple years after graduation he is now a Sworn LE Officer at a local agency and living life to it its fullest. Hang in here man. Keep doing and fighting the fight!

My daughter's were never meant to survive either. They make a perfect Trio. Support, Love and High Standards.

They are both double Bachelor's Degree holders, finishing Medical degrees while also being NCAA Div II athlete's.

I was laid off from my company of 25 years back in 2022. However, I look at each of my kids and they tell me to keep pushing through the impossible.

My lesson here for you Mr. Dad, is to keep doing all you've been doing. It matters.

I've not hunted in 4 years, but being here for my kids are priceless. Better days come my Friend. Trust me.

 

[BAKPAKR]

@El Jason, I am glad to hear that the girls are doing well!

 

[kansasdad]

Not forgotten, glad for the hopeful trends.

I believe your transparency with the life story has helped many readers grow in their understanding of siblings squabbles and life threatening ramifications.

Blessings to you and your family.

 

[EastTNHunter]

God bless you and your family, my brother. And thank you again for sharing your story and the updates