Wives.. And Hunting

[Calvin]

Question for you married guys, who travel all over the place trying to kill stuff.

Here's a little background.. I'm getting semi-serious with a gal. We have a bunch in common, except for 1 thing.. Hunting. She just doesn't get it. Nobody in her family is like me, and nobody she's ever known is like me, when it comes to the time and work I put into hunting. She thinks I'm obsessed with it. (Well, she might be right about that) She's told me that she's worried I'll leave her at home to go on all these hunting trips, etc..

So, do you think it would work? Or should I move on, and find someone who is more into hunting? I'm torn on this one. Part of me thinks it'll work out fine.. But part of me thinks it'll turn into a 3 ring circus when I draw a sheep tag, moose tag, and an elk tag, in the same year.

I've never been married, so this is new territory for me. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[174in]

Move on she will get borderline pshyco when the time comes to hunt and by then you will be to pussy wipped to stand up for yourself

 

[Mikeflies]

When me and my wife moved in together, I told her I hunt the rut hard and will be gone for about a week just prior to Christmas. When the time came she was mad that I left and gave me hell when I got back but at least was at the ranch & not the bar. She finally went with me the next year to hunt deer and complained for about a day until a buck came out and she was ready to shoot. The excitment of just seeing deer put her over the top and now she is hooked. She now encourages me to apply for tags and look for deer leases in Texas so we can take my 8yo son to the woods. I would have never thought she would like the woods, much less hunting when we first started dating but now she even goes to hunting expo's we me. She is flying to Reno to meet me for the RMEF Elk Camp in March and wants to go hunting for Elk this year. So I guess what I am tring to say is, Ask her to go with you one time on a fairly easy hunt and see if she likes it. Who knows, she might not only be your wife one day but your hunting buddy as well.

 

[Big Fin]

Oh man, you have laid out a classic case, but you are smart enough to see the warning signs.

Your worry is well placed. She may be the best woman in the world. If so, you might have to compromise some of your hunting to have the best woman around.

When the baby shows up, it gets even more difficult. With good reason.

Where is Dr. Phil when we need him?

It is not just hunting that causes these problems. Could be golf, could be skiing, could be any passion in life that takes time away from the relationship.

I am the luckiest dude that ever walked, but even I end up pushing the bounds of sanity at times. When I get a complaint, I know I have probably pushed too hard, and I tuck my tail between my legs and do whatever is asked. In return, I have a pretty liberal "kitchen pass."

Best to sort this stuff out now, not later. Sorting it out now is way less expensive and far less painful.

Good luck on that one. If she reads your post here, or the problem will solve itself.

 

[WT_in_MT]

The concern that some women show at the absence of their husbands, does not arise from their not seeing them and being with them, but from their apprehension that their husbands are enjoying pleasures in which they do not participate, and which, from their being at a distance, they have not the power of interrupting. ~Michel de Montaigne

Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't; men hope women won't change but they do. ~Bettina Arndt, Private Lives, 1986

Calvin- WWSD...What Would Steelhead Do?

 

[JohnCushman]

I have an awesome woman. We're not married yet, but I still talk to her about my hunting trips and money spent on them. She is totally supportive of my hunting and spending money on it as long as we can afford it. I explained to her that once I give up my residency in Colorado that I'd be looking at around 1200 a year to apply for tags or just points, plus another 300 for wyoming antelope, plus fuel and lodging and time spent away from home. Her response was...you have been hunting far longer than you've known me, and it's not money spent on booze or drugs or any other sort of bad habit, so I'll support you. She never balked a bit when I told her about my Africa trip plans either. In return, she can buy her Mary Kay stuff and stuff off of QVC as long as we can afford it. I think I lucked out here.....

 

[DHaffner]

Women must be trained from day 1 and even then it usually doesn't work out. Most guys give up hunting, or atleast cut back. My advice would be to make sure she makes it through a couple tough falls before you even think about marriage... In fact I'm finding it tough to find a good reason to ever think about marriage...

 

[the nikster]

I am lucky as well. We dated for almost a year and she new what she was getting into. I love to hunt but I only hunt 2 or 3 months a year(minus planning) but we love each other 12 months a year. Inform her now so she is well aware-you'll both have some giving to do-even more when you have children as BF said. Someone also metioned having the same attitude towards here hobbies that you expect her to have about yours, sage advice.

 

[Calvin]

Thanks guys.. It's tough to give this one up. No kids, no debt, never married, etc.. I've got 27 days in the field (traveling hunts) scheduled thus far in 2011.. Not to mention another 20-30 days for local hunting. Then add in 30 days of fishing guiding I just agreed to in July/Aug.

I'm guessing that if we make it through this year, I'll be good to go..

 

[mdunc8]

You probably need to move on if you're going to base your decision to stay with her using the advice of a group of guys on a hunting website you've likely never met. However, I've heard you've got slim pickins up there in AK (no firsthand knowledge), so you may want to think long and hard about entering back into the singles pool.

 

[Baerman]

I'm a pretty dang lucky guy as a few others on here except my wife likes to hunt almost as much as I do. I'm passionate about all big game hunting and she is passionate about archery elk. We had our first child last July and she knew it was going to be tough for her to hunt last fall but she was very supportive of me continuing to plan hunts as I always do. In support of her I focused last seasons archery elk season on her and will likely do so until she get's tired of it or until our boy can start hunting. Because of that I was able to get 40+ days in the mountains chasing whatever I had a tag for. Not sure I will be that lucky every year but like Big Fin, I do pretty much whatever she asks of me through the rest of the year.

Encourage the girl you're with to get a hobby of her own and support her 110% in it. All good relationships are a two way street. Good Luck!

 

[WapitiBob]

I've been with this one for 30 years. If your gal isn't part of your outdoor life now, she "most likely" won't be part of it in the future.

I would make her 100% part of it this year, scouting, hunting, guiding, fishing, all of it. At some point you'll know for sure if it's along term deal.

 

[Calvin]

I'm not going to base my decision on what I get here, but I like to hear how you guys make it work, considering this group of guys seems to do a lot of traveling/hunting.

 

[JohnCushman]

My old lady is all about some camo lingere too...that definitely helps...lol

 

[mdunc8]

I would make her 100% part of it this year, scouting, hunting, guiding, fishing, all of it. At some point you'll know for sure if it's along term deal.

I like the fact that my wife doesn't hunt or fish. She doesn't mind that I do, but she doesn't want any part of it until it hits her plate. We do plenty of camping together and occasionally she'll come backpacking with me, but hunting and fishing our mine.

 

[BirdDogWebb]

There is no one that can make the decision for you . You will have to figure it out on your own feelings. The thoughts and feelings that you base your decision on, you hold on to those and remember those and don’t second guess your self after the fact.

If you are having thoughts of it being an issue now, it will be a larger issue after you both are married. Sounds like she is having thoughts of it being an issue now also. If it isn’t resolved now it WILL NOT be resolved after you are married. You both will have resentment towards each other - her towards you for choosing to go hunting and you towards her for having it towards you…

Each person was created to be the person they are There are no two people exactly alike. The heart, mind and soul is what makes us different. Being in a relationship is having an understanding of what makes the other person who they are and excepting the other person as they are. A relationship is also giving, that’s what life is about. Love is the willing sacrificial giving of oneself to the another without thought to benefit anything in return.
If a person continues to give beyond their giving it will take away from who they are.
In other words if you stay home and not go hunting, that is your part of giving - because you no that’s is what she would like. If you were to continue to stay home it will take away who you are. Her part of giving would be to say that she is okay with you going, BUT if she is saying it and her heart is being torn apart because she doesn’t have the understanding of how you could do such, then that is when it will take away who she is. This is when the resentment starts.

That is what dating is about, to know the person from within and have an understanding of who they are. Work out all the issues before marriage. If the issues can’t be worked out while dating… then………….
You will have to go on your GUT feeling…

Good Luck !

 

[DRAFTSTUD]

We are all just throwing out guesses as this thread does not make a bit of sense without PICTURES! As you were. John

 

[Mudranger1]

Scenario #1 (ex-wife) when dating she claimed to love the outdoors and hunting. While dating she went a few times then I had a blowout while in the woods (a little over-reacting on my part but felt like she just wasn't trying; this was after we had been dating a while) she never went again. She purposedly try and make me feel guilty about leaving and so eventually I cut back more and more until it was more like 1 week a year if I was lucky. Divorced eventually.
Scenario #2 (current fiance) when dating she claimed to love the outdoors and hunted with her dad when she was really young. We went hunting together a couple times and had said blowout in the woods (common theme I guess) terrible weekend in the woods, the next weekend we were right back at it enjoying ourselves and growing closer. She has taken a deer and an elk and loves just going with me. Now she is no fearless guy in the woods and it is sometimes very hard to remeber that but we have a great relationship, definately stronger because of our outdoor adventures

 

[Dinkshooter]

Bottom line, she has to have other interest and hobbies besides you, or she will make you and herself crazy.

 

[genesis273]

You know that she is on Facebook right now saying "Question to you married ladies, I have a men that likes to (gulp) hunt. What should I do....."

I am extremely fortunate to have a wife that hunts with me. She had never been around it until we were dating but she gave it a shot and loved it. She had an open mind about it and the rest is history. However, I have a buddy who married a girl that didn`t like it, thinking he could change her mind or later maybe she wouldn`t mind. Never happened! It was an ongoing battle until they divorced.