I've been struggling with this lately.
My situation may be unique, but here it goes. I grew up hunting. My father had me shooting a bow a soon as I could hold one. I inhaled hunting as a kid, every chance I could, I hunted everything that had a season. Doves, squirrels, deer, foxes, turkeys, groundhogs, crows, ducks and geese. We had a small, but close group of family and friends that hunted together, and some of my most cherished memories are opening mornings of deer season hunting with my father and the camaraderie that followed when we all helped drag deer out. So naturally I moved West, just like any other hunting addicted young man would. I fell in love with Montana and the landscape. The hunting was exciting and new, but I definitely notice that lack of camaraderie. I didn't know anyone when I moved here. I found some success but I also found an urgency I hadn't felt before. Due to inexperience I saw very few animals, and almost no mature animals. My second year I shot a whitetail that I would have passed on without a second thought back home. I was excited to get the buck, but I can't say that I was "proud of it". I had shot it for the meat, but also to stop the bleeding, get the monkey of my back as they say. But there was a small, deep feeling nagging at me that I couldn't understand. Fast forward a handful of years and I started guiding. I enjoyed guiding, I found that feeling of camaraderie that I had been missing, the hunting was easy. I found that I really enjoyed helping others be successful. I gained a lot of hunting confidence as well. I could find game and quality animals more easily now. But I missed hunting on my own. I didn't want to turn hunting into work. The season I semi-retired from guiding was one of the best in a long time. I took two terrific animals and still got to guide a few weeks and hunt with some good friends.
But the last two years since have been a struggle. Last year was one of my worst seasons as I was hunting all new ground and struggled to find animals, never even saw a bull during rifle season. Hunting has now become on big stress season. I take friends out or new hunters, so I'm back to guiding again, for free, but I still feel the same pressure to perform, find game and make sure they're successful. So this leaves less time for me to hunt which ends up stressing me out more. Now I only have a few days or a weekend to fill my tags. I was absolutely stoked for archery season in July, but as September drew near I began to dread it. I planned to backpack into a basin for opening weekend, and was so miserable and stressed out that I called it after one night. I took some friends out the following week and they had a good time and we got into game, but I couldn't enjoy myself because I had slipped back into guide mode, I felt like I was working rather than spending time in the elk woods with friends. I decided not to hunt the rest of archery season and I'm less stressed now than I've been in a while. I can't say I'm really looking forward to rifle season now. I have 4 of the five weekends already promised to friends and family.
Whole point of that story is that I've managed to make hunting unpleasant for myself, to the point where I'm hunting less and less. I'm not sure of all the reasons why yet. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure to be successful though. I'm no longer able to define success as just being out there and seeing a few animals. I'm sure there is a way to get back there, I just don't know it yet. If I could go hunting and have no one know I went, I think a lot of that pressure would leave. Or go hunting with a few friends where I don't fall back into that guide mentality where I can reset everything.
I'm running out of steam and starting to ramble.
I hope it gets better soon, because I'm already dreading rifle season.
