I may or may not have helped my cousin catch a sleeping mallard one night in his backpack after a night class at the “other” MSU along the Red Cedar river. It may or may not have pooped all over $300 of textbooks before being let go in a dorm hallway that night. When I saw that, I definitely DID laugh even more.
I may or may not have helped a friend break up with a high-maintenance self-indulged psychopath a year or two later at the same university. He may or may not have been looking to break up with her at the time, but when she found a black thong (that I may or may not have planted) in the passenger door of his truck, it started the beginning of the end. I may or may not have kept the secret for the last 20 years. He’s a non-hunter, so I may or may not be worried about him reading this here.
In 2002, I may or may not have gotten agitated at then Illini basketball coach Bill Self for taunting the MSU home crowd after squeaking out a 2 point victory over my beloved Coach Izzo. I may or may not have thrown a wadded up paper bag at his head during his post-game interview. Thankfully the wadded up bag had too much velocity to hold its projected perfect point of impact, and it curved around his ugly gourd at the last second. I definitely WAS observed by a Breslin Center security guard, and I definitely DID ditch my sweatshirt, before quickly disappearing into a sea of white shirts, calmly exiting the building- and (more importantly) preserving my graduation status.
In high school my brother and I may or may not have used fishing line to affix a Canada goose head/neck combo above the passenger visor of my brother’s friend’s truck. When their super squeamish buddy later pulled down the visor to “grab that CD above the visor,” he definitely DID scream like a little girl in that moment. For a pretty good hockey defensemen, we didn’t know his voice would go that high!
I may or may not have slipped a slug into my buddy’s 16 gauge single-shot “road gun” while two-tracking for thunder chickens years ago. The bird in question jumped across the two-track to a side of the trail with some cabins in the far distance, so we tipped him off before he ever pulled the hammer back. He’s a big dude at 6’5”, but I still think it would’ve been funny.
When I was 14 or 15, I may or may not have removed the ball from my uncle’s trailer hitch the night before he was going to pull his camper from Michigan back to Massachusetts. He had short-sheeted my and my brother’s beds the night before and thought it was a pretty funny stunt. He spent over an hour looking for it the next day (while I was MIA trout fishing!) when he had to leave for home with his family.
I may or may not have confused (and possibly scared) a coworker with the same igloo lunch cooler years ago in the breakroom at work. It seems she'd been anticipating finding a sandwich, apple, and some carrots when she opened her cooler... turns out an intact and half-frozen mallard (thawing for dog training later than night) wasn't what she was expecting. Thankfully she realized her mistake and was in good spirits. After that I wrote my name on the top of the cooler to avoid confusion.
Good times!
