Hi everyone,
After posting this yesterday I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It was hard to get those words out, but it helped. I then took a long walk with my dog and things started coming back to normal.
What I wasn't expecting was the huge outpouring of support and the fact that this thread got as much attention as it did. I am really grateful for everyone here who shared their thoughts, stories, and let me know that my experience was far from unique. Reading through all of it really helped me a ton.
I think I'm now able to objectively look at things without a huge amount of emotion clouding my thoughts. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts, but I can at least now look at things a bit more clearly.
Lessons learned:
1. Give the animal at least an hour, if not longer based on the shot placement. The more I think about it, that first shot was fatal. I think my only exception to this rule will be if I hear a loud crash, and even then I'll give it half an hour. My thinking is that after the hour the antelope would have been either dead or close to it and we would have had more information on whether or not to pursue a second arrow. When you have to make a decision on what to do next, all you can do is base it on the information you have, and giving the animal more time might give you the information that you need.
2. This one is probably specific to me... don't shoot an animal in the late afternoon. I don't want to be fighting darkness again to try to recover and/or field dress an animal. Once I get more comfortable tracking and recovering game, this rule will change.
3. I will be changing my broadhead set up and retuning my bow. I don't blame the head entirely, but it was definitely a factor in what happened. With the same shot placement, I feel like a bigger cut would have dropped him sooner. I understand that anything can happen, but it is in my control to do as much damage as possible. The one thing that convinced me to switch things up was the blood trail. This was a double lung shot and I would have had a rough time recovering the animal had it not been out in the plains. A deer in the woods might have been lost.
4. I need to relax during my shots. That's literally the first thing I was told when I took private lessons. Any tension in my arms or back will (and does) result in the arrow doing funny things. I have a shot sequence that I go through at the range that first involves taking a big, deep breath before the draw. I felt like all of these steps went out the door the second the target was an actual animal. I think this is something that I can control by just focusing on calming myself and relaxing even when the shot opportunity of a lifetime presents itself. I got good experience on my first hunt on what it feels to have a big antelope in your sights, and I felt that each shot was progressively easier to take and better matched how a shot would feel at the range. The notable exception was when things went south and after I got shook up after the gut shot. I need to clear my head before each shot, regardless of how hard it might be to do so in the moment.
5. I need to practice shots out to 80-100 yards rather regularly. This is not a shot I would take unless my hand was forced to put another arrow into a wounded animal.
Ultimately, I'm starting to look at things more optimistically and positively. At the end of the day, I achieved my goal. It wasn't pretty, it wasn't glamorous, but I did it. Hell, I double lunged a nice antelope at 58 yards!
Another thought entered my mind last night that has stuck with me and convinced me to pursue my deer tag in two weeks... what example would I be setting for my kids if I quit now? For the record, I don't have any yet, but I think the point stands. I had so much love and excitement for the sport before Thursday, and I'm not going to let one bad experience ruin it. The excitement is starting to come back, and I'm going to hit the range next week. I'm going to give myself a week off, but I'm going to get back on the horse.
I know it sucks now, but I think it's actually probably a good thing that what I experienced happened when it did. I keep thinking about what would of happened if the first time something like this happened was on a solo hunt, where I would really be second guessing myself. Also, I now have the experience of what to do when things go sideways next time. It was a hard, but I think good, learning experience.
Finally, I think I've decided to have the horns mounted and to put them up in my office as a reminder of the lessons learned and that life has a way of teaching you them in the hardest ways sometimes. I also plan on moving the mount around so that it's always going to be next to whatever animal I most recently took as a comparison of where I started and where I am now. I want it to be a symbolic reminder that I took those lessons to heart and stuck with it.
Thanks again for all the support. I'm not giving up and I'll be back out in the woods here soon.