Thanks for all of the replies. It's been a hard day. Obviously. Luckily for me our youngest daughter was here last night and slept over to spend today with us and watch the NASCAR race. I leaned on her and she on me. Yesterday we got home and set up and most things went fine. Saying that her foods tasted bad should have been a clue but I had too many other things to think about. When it was bedtime I had given her the meds she still was taking and some morphine and something else to relax her. When I positioned her for the night she did a lot of moaning but it wasn't too far from normal and I thought partly from all she had to drink that day. I went to bed and right away she started with more moaning and talking. It was then that I figured I would probably be up all night with her. I didn't get much of an answer when I asked if she needed to be moved and sat in my recliner and scrolled through my phone to stay awake. Her moaning got better and I figured the meds were taking over. They slowed down and eventually stopped. Cool, she fell asleep! I somehow had to get out of my recliner and not wake her up. Did it. I did a quick look and deep down had a bad feeling about things but didn't dare check her in case I actually woke her up. Went to bed and never got woken up and when I did get up I went out and just knew. I sat there half in disbelief and half knowing that she probably had passed away while I was sitting next to her. My phone started going with texts from my family wishing me a happy birthday and I had to call my mom and tell her and dad that Lori had died. I don't think I even wished her happy Mother's Day. They packed up from their trailer in Wisconsin and came home. Informed her sister and had her tell our nieces. Hospice was here right away and took care of everything they needed to. It really did help. Once things settled down Haley and I sat and talked and decided to carry on as planned for the day. Watched the race and I cooked the dinner we had planned for today. She gave me my birthday card and we put her Mother's Day card on the pillow on Lori's bed. She just headed for home and is coming back up in the morning to go to the funeral home with me to help make arrangements. Good kid.
The replies and thoughts plus the PMs are appreciated. Lots of you talk me up and I don't know that I really deserve it, but I get it. It's just been the way the events have happened and I/we just tried to do the best that we could with what we had. Those of you that I talk on the phone with will be called eventually. I figured this was quicker and actually easier for me so soon. Still lots to deal with. For now I'm just going to wash the dinner dishes, take a nice, long, hot shower and see if I can get some sleep tonight. As they say, one day at a time. I know it will get better, as well as easier. This thread helps me open up and I feel you folks are like an extended family. It's been a rollercoaster ride the last few days and a huge journey the past couple of years. Not sure how life will go on from here but I know I'll be OK.
Thanks for letting me "let it out".