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The first time I met my father in law

I have a freakishly good memory, so good its scares me sometimes. However, I cannot remember the first time I met my wife's parents, at all. I'm pretty sure I met her dad at the same time a met her, it was a going away party for a mutual friend that was held at my future in-laws' bar/restaurant. Me and her dad got along really well, both into cars, fishing, etc. Her mom was always standoffish, but she is just like that as a rule.

I asked them for permission to marry their daughter, ring in hand and I'll never forget the shocked looks on their faces. Her mom stammered out, 'But why?' I was really surprised, I thought they'd be thrilled. Ultimately, they gave their blessing, but it wasn't the joyous occasion I thought it would be. A couple years after we got married, just as I was just getting ready to enter grad school, her dad approached me with a business opportunity. I was tired of school, and his plan sounded like a great idea. Little did I know that he would abandon me in that business holding the financial bag during the worst economy in both our lifetimes. I cut them out of my life in 2009, and never looked back. My wife sees them occasionally, but its a pretty cold relationship, what they did burned us both badly and only recently have we recovered from it.
 
Met my father in law on a layover in okc. As a freight pilot, he made time to to stop by and see his daughter. “So ummm, I’m the guy that knocked up your daughter”. He took it well, and we got along fabulously, until his passing just a couple of weeks ago. I wish I had met him when he was younger, we had good times for the 19 years or so we had.
 
First, a quick picture of my fil: 6'5, 275lbs, beard, bear of a man. Built houses. Worked on the Alaskan Pipeline for quite a while. In college he played basketball and his nickname was "Mad Dog". When I started dating my now wife, I heard horror stories from she and her sister about all the shit he put previous boyfriends and suitors through: shooting at them with nail guns, him and his brothers hanging them off job site roofs by their ankles, nailing them behind sheets of plywood and leaving them there for an hour or two. I wasn't looking forward to it.

Now for the story:
We had only been dating a couple weeks and I was VERY excited about my incredible luck to be with this amazing, smart, kind, girl. And she was hottt!!!! I was a junior in high school. She was a senior. Way out of my league. Went over for dinner and her dad, who I addressed with the prefix of "Mr.” for at least the next 15 years out of equal parts fear and respect, was keeping a very deserved close, watchful eye on me. I was leaving their house after the visit, floating from the good-bye kiss and engrossed in internal fantasies. Just as I was getting in my car, he opens the front door and yells out: “Hey!” “Um. <gulp> Yes, sir?” “What are your thoughts on celibacy?”
In that instant, my mind exploded and alarm bells starting ringing. Little men inside my brain started shouting “It’s a Trap! Abort Mission! Warning! Ruuuuuuunnnnnnnn!!!!!”
I stuttered for a bit and all that came out was, “I . . . um, uh . . . hmmm . . . I’ll have to thing about that one and get back to you.”
I dove into my car, sweaty and heart racing, and drove away as fast as possible.
I imagine him shutting the door and going back into the house with a little smirk and grin on his face. I am sure he enjoyed it immensely. Rattled another potential suitor. Keeping them on their toes. Don’t want them getting too comfortable. Mission accomplished!

He was a good man. We always got along great.
 
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First time I met my FIL was at the state fair. My wife and I had been dating for a few months and she grew up on a sheep ranch so we went to the state fair where her younger brother was showing some sheep. I hit it off with her whole family as I had grown up on a dairy farm and we had a lot in common.

It was the 2nd meeting that sticks out though. They had invited me out to the ranch and my future FIL took me out to show me the sheep. As he was showing me the sheep herd the sonofabitchin ram came up behind me and smashed into my leg. I dropped the eff bomb and turned and kicked that sucker in the guts as hard as I could. Kinda felt bad about it until I turned around and FIL was dying laughing. We've got along great all these 20 years.
 
My girlfriend of 2 months at the time (wife now) had thought it was a good idea to get a little yellow lab puppy while she lived in the dorms. Military life and puppies don't mix, so she ended up taking that poor little thing to the animal shelter in town.

Of course being heartbroken, she called her parents up and told them this sob story about having to drop that dog off. Somehow she convinced her dad to travel cross country to get this back yard bred Labrador and take it home with him. This set off a couple days worth of un-surrendering a dog (a bit of a challenge if memory serves) and the inevitable meeting of my future father in law for the first time.

She and I go to the pound, pick this dog up who's just had his first shots compliments of the shelter (this part becomes pretty pivotal here in a minute), and take the pup back to meet her dad for dinner. While we're exchanging pleasantries, this dog is in the front seat of my truck, the bed of which is filled with expensive camping gear, and the back seat of which is filled with expensive military equipment, when those shots catch up to his digestive tract. He then proceeds to take an enormous puppy diarrhea crap ALL OVER THE PASSENGER SEAT OF MY TRUCK. Which I don't see until I open the door to show my FIL his newly adopted dog. Somehow I didn't lose my cool and my FIL thought it was hilarious and still enjoys telling that story to this day. Dog is pushing 10 this year and has just been a great pet for them.

The drive back to my apartment was filled with windows down and dry heaving with my head partially out the window.
 
Funny how that works. My FIL to be was kind of doing the same, since his son was a train wreck sitting in prison. After my third visit my wife to be and her mom left someplace for the weekend and I was alone with the FIL. We were grilling some dinner and he handed me a beer that I normally wouldn't drink and said "If you're gonna marry my daughter you better get better taste in beer" I guess I knew then I passed the test. Damn, that was more than 30 years ago
I’m dying to know, what was his idea of better taste for beer? 30 years ago, up north, I’m going to guess Schlitz? Lacrosse lager? Rhinelander?
 
First time I met my FIL was at the state fair. My wife and I had been dating for a few months and she grew up on a sheep ranch so we went to the state fair where her younger brother was showing some sheep. I hit it off with her whole family as I had grown up on a dairy farm and we had a lot in common.

It was the 2nd meeting that sticks out though. They had invited me out to the ranch and my future FIL took me out to show me the sheep. As he was showing me the sheep herd the sonofabitchin ram came up behind me and smashed into my leg. I dropped the eff bomb and turned and kicked that sucker in the guts as hard as I could. Kinda felt bad about it until I turned around and FIL was dying laughing. We've got along great all these 20 years.
Just out of curiousity, what is your wife's maiden name?
 
Today would have been my late father in laws 86th Birthday, so in honor of him I am going to retell one of his favorite stories. I got to listen to it several times.
On the evening of the first date with his future wife my FIL knocked on her parents door and waited for an answer. Keep in mind that my FIL was barely 5 foot 2 if he had on a good pair of boots, his future FIL was an easy 6 foot 4. When my wife's grandfather answered the door, he just looked out the windows at his eye level. He stared out over the top of my FIL head for a few seconds and then left as if no one was there. My father in law repeated the knocking with the same result so on the third attempt when the door opened he jumped up and down and waved his hands to get his date's fathers attention. This worked and the first date resulted in more than 60 years of marriage.
 
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First time I met my FIL I was stealing his Busch lights out of the garage. Future wife was in the house getting her bathing suit together for the lake day with friends. He came home. Opened the garage too throw boots in there sees me and says “what the #*^@#*. Who are you?” We exchange names. I’m shitting myself. Underage. Never met the guy before, didn’t even know what he looked like. He says “it’s 89 degrees out. These are warm. Take from the fridge” and that was that. 10 years later and we still shoot the shit and have a great time. Many a nights spent in the garage fixing up old dirt bikes together. Also many of 30 racks consumed.
 
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