Stress relief suggestions

So my office is currently embattled in a local development dispute. We represent a water district looking to protect drinking water quality. I'm the one that gets to present at all the public meetings. I just did my first tonight. It was very stressful. I'm all kinds of wound up. I'm already one large glass of wine in, without any hope of sleep on the horizon. Any suggestions?


On two different occasions at my current employer and my former employer I was part of a battle as a public agency trying to build a public visitors/nature center. Both instances had similar problems, but they were handled differently. One was ultimately successful, one is still battling 20 years later to get a visitors/nature center built. In both instances I was a part of the team, but by no means was I the leader on the project, but I did get to present at my fair share of public meetings regarding the matter. Some of the similar problems that both instances had were the majority of the public was in favor of the project, but the minority who were not in favor of the project were very vocal saying nasty, often times outright lies about the agency and its staff. At the project that was not successful nothing was done to get out in front of the negative and some of the staff were spreading the negative, false information. It ultimately ended the momentum of the project. At the project that was successful, the entire staff believed whole heartedly in the project and we were able to get key community members to also believe in the project. A turning point in the project was when the Catholic priest in town wrote an op-ed in favor of the project for the better of the community. The successful project had a plan and we were confident in our plan, the unsuccessful project had no clear plan as to how they were going to achieve their end goal. Stress was a major problem and in fact it almost sent my boss at the time to the grave because of the negative effects it had on him and how he coped with it health wise.

Some take aways for me looking back are that you need to know you have a good fight. The majority of people were in favor our project. Just like the majority of people want quality water for drinking. No matter the outcome, someone is always going to be pissed off. There is nothing you can do about that, you cannot make everyone happy. Believe in your argument and be dam sure that your entire office, board, or whatever believes in that argument as well. Get allies in the community who are willing to stick their neck out for you, whether its respected business leaders, the superintendent of the school, or the Catholic Priest. The local newspaper was huge for us in the succesful campaign, the negative campaign would send in op-ed letters or get in front of crowds at public meetings and the local paper would write the tone of the articles in a slant towards our project while still acknowledging the concerns of the opposition. Or if an op-ed was flat out lying or an attack on our staff like many of them were the newspaper would not run them.
 
Here are the foundations of self calming, per my work with anxiety, panic and post trauma patients.

Anxiety feels like a response to external stressors, with the implied inaccurate belief that one can only relieve anxiety by solving the conflict. Brains have a subconscious alarm system, the amygdala. It tells the body when to release adrenaline into the blood stream. Adrenaline response evolved to help escape existential threats, fight or flight. It doesn't differentiate between falling off a cliff and interpersonal conflicts. Muscle tension, rapid, shallow breathing, eye dilation and circulatory disturbances, while useful in fighting or fleeing, are problematic in most modern stressors, including relational conflict. Learning to monitor one's adrenaline/arousal and deliberately reduce it when unneeded is tremendously useful.

Adrenaline breathing, rapid and shallow, does not purge CO2 fully from lungs, and reduces intake of O2. Feeling difficulty breathing stimulates the adrenaline feedback loop, so brain releases more adrenaline. This is the etiology of panic attacks, basically adrenaline storms.

Slow, deep breathing with complete emptying of lungs while exhaling is a strong antidote to adrenaline overload. There are many online resources to guide this process. It takes regular practice to become fully effective. Practicing calming breathing for 2 min. intervals, 10-15 times per day over 2 weeks will teach your brain and body to turn down the adrenaline valve. This practice works best when relatively calm, to focus on the internal process. Once learned, this breathing will be effective quickly against excess adrenaline. Using breathing as a relief only when anxious is far less effective than practicing/learning over time to be well armed when major stress/anxiety takes over. One reason exercise is effective for stress is it facilitates full breathing.

Another basic self-calming skill is grounding, I'll post on that later.
Grounding is placing one's entire sensory focus on bodily sensations. 6 of our senses are involved in grounding: taste, smell, hearing, touch, vision, emotion. You can ground to the present moment. Suppose I'm getting a haircut. I notice how the barber chair feels on my back, butt, legs. I notice the sheet around me, and the tape at my neck. I see the room around me, lights, the barber, the mirror. I hear scissors, electric clippers, talk, spray bottle, music, etc. I taste a lifesaver or tobacco. I smell lotions, colognes, shaving cream. I feel and hear scissors cutting my hair, clumps of it falling on the sheet and to the floor. I tilt my head, feel comb in hair. Thoroughly, patiently savor every sensation.

You can ground to remembered or imaginary scenarios: In mind's eye I am behind a huge burnt deadfall. September sun setting. Golden leaves are falling, they crunch on the ground. I feel a cool breeze begin, it brings elk bugling and cowtalk, and I smell the animals. I see burnt trees, lengthening shadows. Crows cackle, squirrels bark. Aspen and pine trees rustle in the breeze. I feel the ground beneath me, the texture of the log, my clothing against my skin, the diaphragm call in my mouth. I can even smell the old burn. I taste the vinyl of the call, the cold water from my bottle. I feel the season, the elevation, time of day, tranquility, anticipation, even feel the season changing.

The richer the sensory recall or experience, the more completely grounding replaces focus on disruption with awareness of how it feels to be alive in a meaningful place. Meditative, certainly.
 
Tried a gummy once. Spent 45 min counting the cheez- its i was eating, according to my wife. Apparently 25mg is a lot if you've never indulged before.
First time in college I tried brownies, they "didn't work" so I kept eating them. Eventually, I ended up on the floor in the garage, narrating a war between the light and dark side of my teeth.
 
First time in college I tried brownies, they "didn't work" so I kept eating them. Eventually, I ended up on the floor in the garage, narrating a war between the light and dark side of my teeth.
Tried one in Colorado years ago and took dosing advice from the a-hole with a sick sense of humor working at the dispensary. Spent the whole night in the fetal position under the stairway of the VRBO trying to decide if I was dreaming or if I was awake. Still don’t know, to this day, which it was.
 
For shits and giggles, go to your local boat ramp and watch grown ass dudes attempt to launch their boats. Laughing is a good stress relief.

Possible it would be funnier after eating a gummy, but I wouldn't know.
 
For shits and giggles, go to your local boat ramp and watch grown ass dudes attempt to launch their boats. Laughing is a good stress relief.

Possible it would be funnier after eating a gummy, but I wouldn't know.
That's what I went with last night. Humor... And wine
 
The last year has been pretty stressful. A lot more trouble turning the brain off, a lot more trouble sleeping, a lot more trouble just unplugging.

A few things I’ve figured out for myself:

I have to unplug from the news, social media, and the constant bombardment of electronic stimulus. It’s a little shocking how much that improves my mood.

Working with my hands on things that allow me to focus on something external really calms the mind. Pottery, fleshing hides, cooking, hand sewing something all help when I can’t turn off the brain.

When I’m stressed, booze might take the edge off but makes sleeping worse.

I’ve really struggled with sleep for quite a while. I just can’t get my brain to shut up. Reading something totally unrelated to anything going on in my life can help keep my brain from mulling over the things that are keeping me up. And an actual book- not a screen.

The Calm app has actually been super helpful. When nothing else is working, some of the guided sleep meditations that do some breath work or progressive relaxation can usually put me right to sleep.
 
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