Sh*t our wives do...

[Europe]

I'm not going to go back and see if I already mentioned this one. But my wife with devote 1 hour of her evening to texting with her sister. Much of the time is simply spent staring at her phone waiting while her sister texts back. The entire thing could have been discussed with a 5 minute phone call but noooo, I get to cook and clean and she's "connecting with family".

F for eFFiciency.

I hate to give away one of my "sisters" secrets but while your cooking and cleaning, she is texting no one

 

[noharleyyet]

Ye

Every time my wife does something silly or pointless; I remind myself that, I too, am one of her poor life decisions...

I often remind myself that the kick could've been ran back and spiked in the end zone...easily.

 

[Stocker]

Mine is decent overall, but……. She is a ball of fire, and she can’t stand to see a man relax. I swear a hypnotist has made her mind trigger at the sound of my recliner flipping up.

There won’t even be anything to do, and she’ll make up something.

(Recliner clicks) “I know you got up at 2 am to get your work done so you could come back and help me all afternoon, but could you go outside and clean the drier vent you did yesterday. When you get that done please water the flowers after the rain stops.”

 

[Gellar]

Whenever I see a shift in that direction I point it out to my wife. She may slap me and banish me to the couch for a night, but she shifts back the other way. It's worth it.

My wife is always telling me I’m just like my dad. I think I’ll start dishing it back to her telling her she’s just like her mom.

 

[JDH]

Every time my wife does something silly or pointless; I remind myself that, I too, am one of her poor life decisions...

Same here.

 

[CPAjeff]

My wife thinks dinner rolls are to be eaten raw and steak to be well done (somewhere between killed twice and coal-like in appearance). She can never make up her mind when ordering food, and a simple dinner at Oliver Garden goes something like this:

Waiter: Hello, can I take your order?
Wife: Yes, I'd like the spaghetti with meatballs. But . . . instead of meatballs, I'd like chicken. Instead of spaghetti sauce, I'd like alfredo sauce. And . . . instead of spaghetti noodles, I'd like fettuccine pasta.
Waiter: . . . Umm . . . so you're saying you'd like children alfredo?
Wife: . . . No . . . I'd like the spaghetti with meatballs. But . . . instead of meatballs, I'd like chicken. Instead of spaghetti sauce, I'd like alfredo sauce. And . . . instead of spaghetti noodles, I'd like fettuccine pasta.
Waiter: . . . Umm . . .
Me: Sorry, we just picked her up from the mental hospital and this is her first time in public in a long time.
Waiter: HAHAHA
Wife: Looks like you'll be sleeping on the couch for a while.
Me: WTH . . . oops, sorry dear. I'll try harder to be more patient and nice next time.


She totally puts up with more of my idiocracy than I put up with hers!

 

[JEL]

"If you're going up to the room can you get my cover up."

"Okay what does it look like?"

"It's knitted and white. It's really obvious..... Kind of looks like a doily."

Do I just bring all three back to the pool?

View attachment 210106

Left.

 

[JEL]

I have a buddy who has been married three times and is about to go for #4. He is going for 4 because he lets all this stuff bother him and he has to say something about it everytime. Can't keep his mouth shut. I have been married 32 years and have told him dude. Shut your stupid mouth. Roll with it. Let things slide. As BF says. Peace before justice.

 

[Irrelevant]

I have a buddy who has been married three times and is about to go for #4. He is going for 4 because he lets all this stuff bother him and he has to say something about it everytime. Can't keep his mouth shut. I have been married 32 years and have told him dude. Shut your stupid mouth. Roll with it. Let things slide. As BF says. Peace before justice.

Nothing quite like dividing your assets down to 1/8 of what they would have been.

 

[Letthemgrow]

Nothing quite like dividing your assets down to 1/8 of what they would have been.

I thought the same thing.

 

[BrentD]

I thought the same thing.

It could be profitable by now. At some point he has nothing to lose

 

[BrentD]

I thought the same thing.

It could be profitable by now. At some point he has nothing to lose.

 

[noharleyyet]

"If you're going up to the room can you get my cover up."

"Okay what does it look like?"

"It's knitted and white. It's really obvious..... Kind of looks like a doily."

Do I just bring all three back to the pool?

View attachment 210106

...all of em, you wear the left one.

 

[Stocker]

Nothing quite like dividing your assets down to 1/8 of what they would have been.

I’ve always told my wife divorces are like burning your hand on a stove. Do it once, it was a mistake, twice you’re not learning but you still may. 3 times, there’s something wrong with you and you should avoid stoves.

 

[noharleyyet]

*Chit our ex wives did

 

[Irrelevant]

*Chit our ex wives did

Depending on how many of our wives read this it might be a pretty smooth transition.

 

[Ben Lamb]

Depending on how many of our wives read this it might be a pretty smooth transition.

[/channeling my inner Harley]

Just tell her that she already got mad at you for this thing.

 

[noharleyyet]

[/channeling my inner Harley]

Just tell her that she already got mad at you for this thing.

Would not be perjury.

 

[JEL]

I’ve always told my wife divorces are like burning your hand on a stove. Do it once, it was a mistake, twice you’re not learning but you still may. 3 times, there’s something wrong with you and you should avoid stoves.

We have had that conversation.

 

[Ben Lamb]

My wife often wonders why it's cold in the house immediately after telling me to turn the heat down.