thanks guys. we'll try to do better with finding common interests, there's definitely a huge gap there. maybe i'll take up smoking weed and watching tiktok (that's a joke).
You are right to intervene, she is clearly at risk. Think about her riding in a car going that fast, disaster could be instant. She is not protecting herself with judgment, so it falls to you.
Here's how therapists think about these scenarios:
1st consideration: Every behavior has a purpose or reason. Nothing is random.
What's the worst thing that ever happened to her (trauma, losses, relocation)?
Is she in a world war level power struggle w either or both parents? Some level of power struggle is coin of the realm for teens.
Any siblings, what are their influence on the situation?
How are things between mom and dad? Some kids act out to distract the family from other family trouble like addiction, illness/disability, parental conflict, $ stressors, etc.
Are divorce/step parents in the equation? See losses above.
What does she value enough to give up bad habits in order to keep having or doing? Example: some kids will moderate behavior to keep attending public school w friends as opposed to home school or boarding school if they won't control their own behavior.
This process reminds me of fly fishing. You don't know what's under the surface, but you use what's visible to guide you. Think like the fish/child. Try a variety of attractants, see what she hits on. If you get the fish on, you guide it more than fight it, sometimes you let it run just to keep it hooked. And when you get it in hand be gentle, this is one fish you certainly will be releasing. You don't want to injure it.
Therapywise, meet and communicate with her counselor. Ask for recommendations about parenting strategies, day treatment or residential treatment if necessary, and if family therapy will be helpful, it almost certainly will. Meds can be helpful for teens with some diagnoses, counselor can discuss that with you. The most important qualification for the counselor is, does daughter connect w them, is she willing to keep seeing them?
Your daughter is lucky to have parents willing to go to these lengths to help her. It is as difficult as it seems, and you as parents will need support going through this.
Of course, this is not clinical advice. More like another lens to view the situation through.
shoulda shot back…
