Feel guilt for going hunting?

[coppermushroom]

Not sure where to put this so if is in the wrong spot please move. My question - do you guys feel guilty for leaving the family for 7-10 days to go into the back country elk hunting? A bit more details - I am a dedicated family man, two kids, great wife of 17 years. Most everything I do is for the kids and providing for the family, coach their sports teams, work with them in 4H, etc. The bills are paid, we have a decent savings, and college funds are started.

However each time I get set to head out hunting there is a sense of guilt that creeps in. The $2000 I will spend on license, fuel, gear, etc to do my DIY hunts could perhaps be better used adding to 529, padding savings, or lord knows what else. Do you guys ever feel the same? How do you get past this or is it always in the back of your mind?

 

[Mudranger1]

I did with my first wife but I was more because she made me feel that way.. Divorced now the whole family goes.

 

[coppermushroom]

One thing to add - both kids hunt with me here on our farm but are too young to head west right now. As soon as their little legs grow I cant wait for them to join me.

 

[Gerald Martin]

It's a constant balancing act. Yes I do feel guilty at times. For me, I don't do very many N.R. hunts since I have more opportunity than I know what to do with here in Montana but the time away from my family is something I try not to overdo.
Only you can know what's best for your family situation, but doing something you are passionate about one week a year sounds like a win/win for both you and your family. The biggest problems arise when your spouse or family feels like the time/money allotment is skewed to much in favor of your hobbies and it causes resentment.
Sometimes my wife senses my state of mind and tells me to get out into the woods. Other times, she rolls her eyes because her load has been heavy and she'd like some time out for herself. It's called give and take.

 

[mixedbag]

I take my kids on a vacation just for them each year.I don't feel guilty for living life in a way to make me happy.I'm sure my family wouldn't want me to have regrets one day of not doing the things that made me happy.Sounds like you have a good balance so you shouldn't regret some ME time

 

[JohnCushman]

I did at first with my wife, but she encourages me to go and stay as long as I want to. She knows that since being back from Iraq I need the time in the woods to reset myself. She has always been supportive of my hunting, and now is starting to hunt as well. She knows there will be times I go on 'guys' hunts without her, but she also knows there will be times I take her as well. My inReach has taken away a lot of the guilt I used to feel. I call my older sons everyday and my youngest on Saturdays, so now I don't miss out on calls when I'm out of cell service, since I can still at least send and receive text messages, plus my wife can keep me up to date on what's going on at home. I think there is a very delicate balance with home life and hunting, but it can be done, and you shouldn't feel guilty.

 

[jryoung]

It's a balancing act for my wife and I. With a young child it makes it a bit more difficult as he cannot join me yet, and as a result the last couple of years when I head to Montana, she takes her parents and our son to Mexico for some R&R.

It's tough sometimes to miss out on those vacations, but my wife knows I don't really "recharge" with my feet in the sand. Sure I enjoy it, but I'm a healthier person when I come back from a hunt. I can't wait until they can both join me. She is accumulating points in the west, and in another 5-6 years they will be family hunts.

 

[L. I. Yankee]

Not sure where to put this so if is in the wrong spot please move. My question - do you guys feel guilty for leaving the family for 7-10 days to go into the back country elk hunting? A bit more details - I am a dedicated family man, two kids, great wife of 17 years. Most everything I do is for the kids and providing for the family, coach their sports teams, work with them in 4H, etc. The bills are paid, we have a decent savings, and college funds are started.

However each time I get set to head out hunting there is a sense of guilt that creeps in. The $2000 I will spend on license, fuel, gear, etc to do my DIY hunts could perhaps be better used adding to 529, padding savings, or lord knows what else. Do you guys ever feel the same? How do you get past this or is it always in the back of your mind?

I do ....every time I go and for the he same reasons you mentioned.I grew up in NYC in a small apartment an now fortunate enough to own my home. Everything I do is for my family. I always consider the money factor and might it be better used on something else. I have an awesome wife. She never gives me a,hard time about anything either but still I struggle with it. I just make sure in t he off season we do whatever they want and that helps a little but its not fool proof. .....

 

[genesis273]

I did when my kids where younger and early teens, but now that they are 19 and 21, and my wife loves time alone, it's not so bad. I think most of my problem was the fact that I missed them when they were young.
Trust me, you're not alone on this. I also have buddies, especially with little kids, who are almost miserable once they leave the house.

Now my wife and kids encourages me to go have fun because they know that I've work hard for many years.

 

[DirtyDan]

You have to live out your dreams. Like you said, the bills are paid and funds are in order. You have to remember that you are the husband and father you are because you provide for your family. A little time away to recharge your batteries helps you and them.

 

[Canoe Country]

We get one chance at this life. I have the same feelings but like Randy says " you will run out of health before you run out of money" I usually do one DIY hunting trip out west each year. This is what I dream about all year and in some cases for several years. I, like you, am very involved with my family and all the bills are paid and provide a comfortable life for my family. If we don't do this now we will be like so many others, 65 years old saying "I should have done that". No one wants to be that person, live your dreams responsibly and you will be a better father, husband, and person because of it. We all need to reset!

 

[buckykm1]

My Wife totally supports my Hunting.
My 2 week Elk hunt out west is my Yearly get away.
I don't feel guilty at all, life is to short not to enjoy the things that you like to do. JMO

Kevin

 

[BlakeA]

I feel bad for those who worry about saving more than living. Obviously you have to live within your means and responsibly, and yes have some type of savings set up but what good is that going to do when you are in an accident or diagnosed with terminal cancer. Could be tomorrow..if you are so worried about leaving your family with money buy some life insurance and call it a day. I'm not a parent but I find it ridiculous that parents want to pay for their kids college. Any idea what tuition is gonna cost you 15 years from now? You raised the child for 18 years of your prime life paying for everything for them and then you want to take on additional 50k/ per kid? How about your kids become driven and work through college and pay their own tuition so they have their own skin in the game not mom and dads. If they skip class and fail, they pay for it. You're done, you did your job. That should be a time when you and your wife start to live your dreams. Not trying to be an a$$ but seriously guys live your life. If you spend 355 days a year 150% devoted to your family and providing for them, and they have a problem with you going and refueling your soul in nature for 10 days, that's just reallllly messed up and I feel sorry for you. Your kids have their whole life to make money and create their own life. Live yours before you are physically unable to do so and are slowly wasting away. Get out and hunt, you've earned it!

 

[Ben Long]

When my son turned 5 he developed a serious medical condition that required long stays in out-of-town hospitals, including months at a time in Intensive Care Units. This has dragged on for years. (He is now 10). It took (hell, it takes) an enormous toll on my entire family. Damn right I felt guilty about wanting to go elk hunting. My counselor, a wise woman, told me to go hunting, damn it. "You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your family. It's like when the air pressure drops on an airplane -- you have to put your own oxygen mask on first, before helping others."
To be honest, I still have a struggle balancing work, home and hunting. It's tough. But go. Go hunting. It's good for you and it's good for them.

 

[LopeHunter]

Budget for things important for the family. Retirement, education, etc. If you have money and time left once take care of the critical items and then as a family you decide that some should be spent on hunting then there should be zero guilt. Recharging your batteries is good for you and for the rest of the family. Perhaps the wife likes a week at a spa or visiting her sister while you watch the kids. The kids go to a summer camp without the parents, etc. May have to rotate who does what each year but everyone can have some "me" time as the years go by faster and faster.

 

[Pinecricker]

I do when I don't bring any meat home. Luckily my better half loves hunting as much as I do. She especially likes to take charge of all the cutting and wrapping, and likes to have a full freezer. Along with all the stuff she grows in the garden and preserves, its an important part of our lifestyle. Also an important tradition in both of our families. I feel super, super lucky, but get bummed when I don't deliver.

 

[Nameless Range]

I can sympathize with feeling guilty. I have and do. I am very lucky to have a wife that understands that I need to spend time hunting and fishing and that it is largely what occupies my thoughts outside of my family. I voiced this to her early in our relationship, and try to let her know often that I appreciate her acceptance of it, because I do.

I try to reduce the nature of my hunting and fishing's effects on my family through a few ways:

-Because I am out nearly every weekend of bow and rifle season in Montana (3 months), I really try to limit my hunting and fishing passions the rest of the year. I few fishing trips, a few bear hunts, a few scouting/shed hunting trips, a coyote hunt or two. The rest for my family and any activities that my wife would like to pursue that would require me giving her a break. Of course this is not perfect and you have to be cognizant of the give and take.

-The financial aspect is also difficult. I pretty much only hunt as a resident so I know my license costs don't compare to those NR hunters out there, but I do hunt pretty much every weekend for 12 weeks and spend half a year's worth of our gas budget in 3 months. To deal with this I largely hunt with cheap gear. I do not own a 300 dollar jacket. I do not have a 400 dollar cooler. My backpack is on the lower end of the spectrum. They all work fine. In my opinion the difference between a 300 dollar jacket and a 100 dollar wool jacket or a 50 dollar base layer and a 150 dollar base layer is not relative to their price. There are some serious diminishing returns in the hunting gear world, and the fact is that for many, walking around wearing 1500 dollars is not realistic or necessary. Despite what you see on television. Of course the more expensive stuff will be the nicest of all, but you can still get it done on the cheap. You can still control the things that are far more influential when it comes to the outcomes of your hunts - your conditioning and your location.

-Just because your children cannot walk does not mean they can't hunt/fish with you. Get a quality child carrying pack and just do it. Your hunts will be more limited and your likelihood of success will not be as good, but you can still do it. Around here anyway you can still hike straight up a mountain and if you do it right you can still find decent hunting a mile and a half from the road. I have done 6-7 mile loops with my daughter when she was younger. Sometimes she was quiet and sometimes I walked around the woods with a 2 year old singing in my ear - both were good. I have been taking my one year old son on hikes this winter and acclimating him to the pack.You are definitely more limited and have to go about it with a different mindset, but I've caught dozens of fish, taken a mule deer, and picked up sheds with my daughter on my back. I plan on continuing that with my son.

A little bit of all of these things helps me balance the demand my hunting has on my family. As Pinecricker pointed out, it helps to bring some meat back to the cave too.

 

[kiwi hunter]

good god no guilt at all,,its all part of the journey of not holding hands from birth to death

 

[bigskyblueman]

An abundance of other things in life that merit guilt. Hunting is not one of them.

 

[recon6036]

The financial aspect is what makes me feel guilty. I've been heading out west for the last 4 years and plan on doing a hunt out west every year. A couple years ago I told my wife I wasn't going to make the trip due to financing....her comment was, verbatim, "You worked too hard at preparing for this. We'll make it work and you are going!!!!" Like others, it's a blessing to have a supportive spouse....not all are that lucky.