COPS GOT ME !!!

[Moosie]

So I've heard of some good lines when the Cops pull you over...(I'm not drunk Osssiffer).

Things you probably shouldn't say but are funny. I'd like ot hear a Few if you have them. PLEASE only post ONE and let others post before you post a second one.

the funniest one I've ever heard was :

When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

 

[azhunter79]

the funniest joke iv heard about that, is the cop that pulled over the kid doing 95 in a 50mph zone.
the cop who had been sitting in the speed trap, walked up to the car and told the guy "ive been waiting for you all day."
the guy says to the cop, "well i got here as fast as i could!"
im usually to busy trying to remember if i paid my insurance and last month to think of anything clever to say!
az79

 

[2fastnaz]

Cop asks " Do you know why I pulled you over?" I say "Damn I was hoping you knew"

 

[Delw]

Get pulled over for speeding

Cop says Sir I had to go 90mph to catch up with you

you say: yeah so you were speeding to so now where even.

Delw

 

[MarlandS]

Didn't you see the lights or hear the siren?

"yes I did officer"

So why didn't you pull over?

"My wife ran off with a cop and I was afraid you were him bringing her back"

 

[azhunter79]

from drew carry's comedy rutine:
i like to run stop signs when its raining, just so the cop has to get out and walk to my car in the rain.
cop asks me "Mr. carry do you know why i pulled you over?"
i tell him "yeah, do you know why i ran the stop sign?"

 

[Canoe]

Cop: "You were going the wrong way on a one way street. Didn't you see the arrows?"

Moosie: "Arrows? Hell, I din't even see the Indians. I was going to a party, but it looks like everyone is going home."

<FONT COLOR="#800080" SIZE="1">[ 12-16-2003 10:45: Message edited by: Canoe ]</font>

 

[Quick Draw]

Here's one to get of a ticket.
Officer: "Ma'am i clocked you going 50 in a 35."
Person: "I was going 50?!?! WOW.."

Quick Draw

 

[Moosie]

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

 

[cjcj]

Whats your hurry mister? [reply] officer i`m about to shit my pants, i have the flu and Diarehea, please let me go, [if he startes writing] let out a grunting,growling guttorial,agonizing groan!OHHHH, and then say Too Late!

 

[Gunner46]

This actually happened 'many' years ago in NC. I was in the back seat.

We got pulled over and when the Deputy walked up to the car
Bozo, our driver, blurts out" What the F**k do you want"!!!!

I still had to call for a ride home, from the jail. Mr. Deputy, didn't think my burst of laughter, from the sheer stupdity of that remark, was very funny.

 

[Moosie]

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

 

[Quick Draw]

Officer: "Why were you speeding"
Whoever: "My car is almost out of gas, I was on my way to the gas station."

Quick Draw

 

[Moosie]

Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

 

[Quick Draw]

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"
"because you had nothing better to do then to pick on some kid for driving a better car than you?"
Quick Draw

 

[Gunner46]

"OOOHHHH, Fristhed, Fristhed me, Pleasth...."

" Hand Cuffs!! I just ADORE Hand Cuffs, don't YOU " ??

 

[cjcj]

I just got done banging your old lady officer, and i was trying to get away, but now that you`ve caught me how about just giving me a warning, it wasn`t that good anyway!

 

[Quick Draw]

Oh that one is dirty.
here's a good one,
"Where are you going in such a hurry this late at night?"
"I'm on my home."
"From where?"
"A party."
"You see to be sweating an awefull lot, why is that?"
"I'm nervouse?"
"Why is that?"
"Are you guilty of sometihng?"
"No sir, I'm just trying to get home, before curfew, please let me go."
"Ok go ahead."

"What a sucker, he had no idea."
Quick Draw

 

[Mojave]

Well this is kind of in the same vein as this post. Sort of.

While on my recent trip in the Marshall Islands a couple friends and I were walking back from a bar late at night. Needless to say we had had one or two. Along the way an officer pulls up to us and asks how we were doing. We get to talking and I mention to the fellow that I had never been arrested. I asked him if he would mind. He thought it was funny so he agreed to put the cuffs on me. After a few seconds though he thought the better of it and decided this might be a good way to get himself into trouble. So he takes the cuffs off and says "just so we're clear you were NOT under arrest". "No problem officer", I reply "As far as I'm concerned we just shared a pleasant hand cuff experience"

Apparently the story did make it's way around the station because as we were walking to the airport to go home the next day, every cop we saw gave us a big smile and a wave.

 

[1WHITETAIL HUNTER]

Office: Sir, I pulled you over becuase I clocked you doing 65 in a 55 mph zone.

Me: Well Officer you better get your radar checked becuase I was doing at least 75!