Need Help

[idnative1948]

If you are a grampy and nearing retirement and grandkids are close to you geographically. Had to try to explain to grandson number two why I missed his first baseball practice when I had promised him I would be there. If you have a contract to provide anything to the gubment you had better by G O D provide even if they are making revisions at n'th hour and you are still required to meet deadlines.
As grandparents VERY close to retirement, how do you/we find the engergy day in and day out to deal with juggling 8,10,12 hour work days and still try to make most of the *kids* functions? As much as we would like to put family first, unfortunetly STUFF happens, but tough to explain to them. Was able to cool number 2 down when I told him he could ride in front of me on snowmobile when we get to Oregon this weekend. His mommy (my daughter) is the one having problems with it right now. So......?

 

[Gerald Martin]

Kids have to learn sometime that life doesn't revolve around them. There's a balence between being there for your family and taking care of responsibilities.

I think everyone needs to experience Dad or Grampa sacrificing responsibility to spend time when them occasionally, but to expect that "They come first all the time" is to set them up to be tyrants. Its not easy.

 

[idnative1948]

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

I love them dearly, but unfortunatetly their mommy was raised by her mommy and I and therir daddy was was raised with boundaries. Even though they are no longer married they made a decision early on with their boys that they shoud be able to do anything they wanted to do. Gram lives on unconditonal love and Pop Pop tries to bring some order so he is the bad guy until they want something from grandparents. Slippery slope, but I am not going to give up without a fight, even though there are days that you wonder how the H you screwed up your kids so bad raising them.

 

[tarheel]

Chances are that you didn't screw up, your kids just morphed into whatever and whomever they were exposed to from the age of 14 on to now, just as mine did. They were influenced by their friends, their music, TV and a confused set of values which have been evolving right along. Pair that with the more recent tendency to isolate young children from any danger, be it real or imagined, protect them from everything life can possibly throw at them, cocoon them, buy the huge SUV or RV to haul them to school (the cocoon), make sure they don't touch a bike without putting on one of those stupid looking bike helmets (legislate it even), what ever you do don't let them learn from any kind of experiential encounter, make every decision for them, and for Heaven's sake don't teach them any form of individual responsibility!!! Then turn them loose on the world and wonder why things are going the way they are. I fight those same battles with my kids re the grandkids, and just hope I can be there for them when they really need someone or some advice.
My daughter is pretty sensible about it and adheres to quite a few of my basic values, but my son has so much on his plate and doesn't like any angst in his life, so the DIL sets most of the rules around the house and social scene. She's not an easy keeper; grew up in a country club environment, takes two hours to get ready to go out of the house, and if everything doesn't go to fit her schedule or desires, everyone pays for it. I grew up on the farm, so you can imagine the potential for conflict. I knew all was lost when I spotted an issue of "Modern Parenting" magazine lying on a reading table, and this wasn't a news stand copy, it was a subscription issue. You've got to love them, but you don't gotta like them.