help him or leave him

[mixedbag]

One of my best workers called me from jail last night and needs $289 to get out.Thats all it takes here to get a 6 month hit for back child support.I actually let him go a month ago when he couldn't show me that he was paying his support.Lets just say, I think he has a few other problems that keep him from paying the support.
Well, he was begging and almost crying to me to get him out.I feel bad but at the same time, don't know whats best.The guy is by far my hardest worker,and will basically kill himself for me to get a job done.He's also left me stuck by not showing up more then once
My thought is to leave him sit for a few more weeks then help him out.I think he needs to learn a lesson,but I'm not sure I agree with our state and their 6 month hit for that little.We are friends also though I don't hang out with him anymore.Nobody in his family has any money to help him.
So my question is "What would you do?"
I value other peoples opinion esp. when I'm questioning myself
Paying me back wouldn't be a problem since he'd be working it off.Not paying child support is a BIG deal to me as I have custody of my 1st two kids and get $0.The state does nothing to help me out,and actually erased her back support of over $16000,and doesn't make her have to pay me a dime

 

[MuddyBull]

Only you know if one night in jail will be enough to impact him into changing his ways. I have worked a few guys with the same job habit, great hands when they show but seem to lay out when you happen to really need them. Tough call on that account. Bottom line to me is the kids certainly will get no support from a Dad in jail. My thought is to invest the $289 and hope he learned a lesson.

 

[JohnCushman]

I have a bit of a different view on it. I pay child support for three boys...even pay above and beyond my support obligation. I may not see my boys every day, but I know I am helping to provide for them. If this man doesn't care enough about his children to pay his support, even if it took 3 jobs to make ends meet, then that's not a man I would trust to work for me...good worker or not. Kids should always come first no matter what.

It's not your problem or responsibility to make sure he pays his obligation, boss or not

 

[DaveHawk]

Let me tell ya a story. My best worker ever was a drunk I fired him 5 times and he would stop drinking and come back the last time he totaled his truck. I dropped his pay way down and told him each month he is sober he would get a Dollar raise. He ended up in AA and has been sober for 3 years. With a wife and 3 kids I took the young man on 8 years ago and treated him as a son. Now he's a church going family. Doing great. If I did not have the patience to work with him I fear he would not have made it.
You do what your heart tells ya to do. Taking on what I call projects can dive you crazy sometimes but the rewards out weigh all the getting there.
If you help him you also need to have some serous talks with him.
Maybe keep aside the Child payment for him so it gets paid. Sounds like he may be in need of someone to be a teacher and mentor.

 

[tarheel]

You've really got your arm caught in the combine now don't you? $289 does sound like a big hit, but letting him cool for more than a few days might be more detrimental to the situation than it is helpful. I think it's time for what we call a "Come to Jesus meeting" with the guy and try to appeal to his manhood and instill some sense of responsibility into him toward his children and his obligation thereto as their father.

If he continues in the same vein then it's time for the state to take charge.

 

[WV Hunter]

If he works hard for you and is willing to invest in then bail him out, with stipulations of course.....

He has to pay you back, withheld from his paycheck and he has to start paying his back and current child support, withheld from his check. If he bails on you because of the withholdings on his check then your out $289 and lesson learned, no big deal move on and sleep well knowing you did the young man right.

 

[Lawnboy]

I would let him sit a little longer. From what I hear it's no fun in there and just a little time could be enough to make him never want to go back. I believe this is the reason your state has such a penalty. They want to teach them a lesson. If you want to spend some money then use it for his support for one month. I also agree that when he does come back you talk with him and maybe withhold that amount for him. See how he responds to that. If he's pissed then send him packing friend or not. I just taught the lesson/parable of the unmerciful servant on Sunday. Matthew 18:20-35. It might help some with your decision. Although when kids are involved that needs to become the number one priority. They need to be taken care of.

 

[RockyDog]

Supporting and protecting my kids is my number one priority in life, so I think this guy is a BUM.

My input was gonna be let him sit, then i read Dave Hawk's post. Wow, he made his own little world a better place.

Hope you let us know how it works out. I have a feeling this guy has been given the easy way out too many times.

 

[Goldtip]

Sitting over night in jail is not a lesson learned, yet. Let him sit another night, maybe two and then bail him out. I think a come to jesus meeting with him prior to bailing him out is also needed, let him know that bail money will be with held from his paycheck, also have him agree that you will with hold the child support payments for him until he gets his life straightened out. Good luck, you may end up with an even better friend and harder worker than you ever imagined. If not, well you gave it a good shot.

 

[noharleyyet]

I think he has a few other problems that keep him from paying the support

He's also left me stuck by not showing up more then once

Enough said.

 

[DRAFTSTUD]

What Ken said. It was his Momma and Daddy's Job to raise him. John

 

[Straight Arrow]

There's a fine line between "enabling" and encouraging. Too often the person who gets bailed out time after time comes to expect it. Only you can detemine if you want to try it again. I agree with others that stipulations for behavioral change are paramount. If it's just giving him another chance to screw up then it's a mistake for both of you.

 

[Dinkshooter]

Here at the plumbing shop we have bailed guys out of jail before. It worked out ok. Same kind of guys, same kinds of problems. It is funny but the one guy is great as long as you work him 60+ hours a week. Any less and his free time is not used wisely.

Back to your problem, he will not be able to even try and pay support in jail. Some people just need a kick start. Help him by withholding the support and sending it in yourself. In this state, we have to at times and it is not a big deal to send a check in for them once a month.

 

[npaden]

My wife regularly convinces me that we need to take on "projects" on a semi-regular basis.

We've been burned a couple times, but I know of 4 individuals for sure that would either be dead, in jail, or on welfare if she hadn't convinced me that we needed to help them out.

We're working on another "project" right now that is causing us quite a bit of work dealing with "the system".

Sure it has cost us time and money. Sure it isn't our job to raise someone elses kids, especially when they are adults.

However, it really is rewarding to know that you've made a difference in someone's life.

The money isn't important. Your friendship is.

With all that said and done, if there is a substance abuse problem there really isn't much you can do to help them, unless that problem gets corrected first. And nothing you can do can help them with that problem unless they want to fix it.

In my opinion anyway. Nathan

 

[cowboy]

Been there seen that many many times. I work for a construction company that is on the road bouncing from one motel to another the majority of the year. Work hard - play hard is their life style.

If I hear the old story of "He's one of our best workers" one more time I think I'll puke. These people are manipulators and we as employers are buying into their little life style. I refer to it as "The inmates are taking over the asylum".

Very few will ever respond/react to "A come to Jesus talk" for a very long period of time. They are never at fault and it was just a one time occurence in their mind. Quit blaming the State, working cohorts, working conditions, boss, company and everyone else - it is what it is.

Here is what I have found will work more frequently than laying down the law to them. Have them lay the law down to themselves. What I mean by this is have them write down on a piece of paper what they will/will not do in the future and what consequences are they are willing to adhere to. You can have them put whatever problem needs to be addressed on the piece of paper: being late, not showing up, paying child support, having a valid drivers license with insurance etc. etc.. Let them sit in the "Hilton" till you both agree to the items on the paper and the conditions of response. Both sign it and both take a copy of it. If they can't write I assure you there are people in the local facility that will assist them.

Then follow that piece of paper to the last letter until the very end. Very few will make it but those that do are worth the effort - those that don't become someone elses problem and you as an employer have done everything you can from a moral and ethical standpoint.

PS: Don't be a bit surprised if it takes your employee a couple of days to start writing. It more than likely will take a number of visits/revisions on your part before you both come up with conditions you are both willing to sign off on.

 

[noharleyyet]

Tell your insurance company or plaintiff's paralegal bulldog you knew about a substance problem and was only trying to help a guy out...after the trainwreck.

 

[passinthru]

In the few instances we've tried to help, positive results were in the minority. But, I am not a counselor or a professional in that field either, so that plays into it also.

I've withheld child support and paid it in different states and Minnesota, not a big deal, but it's another thing to add to your time.

There have been some good suggestions from others, and when you do pull a positive out, well that makes up for quite a few that went the other way.

That being said it does get a little tiring hearing about all the victims in this country. People need to buck up and help themselves too.

I'm dealing with it on two as we speak, "You can't help someone, that won't help themself."

Good luck.

 

[mixedbag]

I think I'll go have a talk with his Dad tonight and see if we can figure something out.I could easily go over there and pay it,but I think thats too easy for him.I keep going back and forth in my head on this
Thanks for the thoughts and ideas

 

[JohnCushman]

A man that doesn't take care of his kids isn't worth 'saving' as far as I'm concerned. He didn't have a boss or life coach or friends or someone to offer a hand out when he made those children, so he shouldn't need any of them now to be a responsible man and take care of them. The mother is probably used to not getting his money, so sitting in jail a while longer isn't going to make a miracle and suddenly open his eyes. It's HIS responsibility to pay his child support obligation, noone else's.

 

[MN Public Hunter]

If you have never helped him out of jail before it's worth 300 to see how much your investment pays off. I would use the fool me once attitude I guess. You may find out that the bail out sets him straight, if not, well it did not cost you 3000 and you never to help him again.