Dad Joke thread

[Irrelevant]

What should you do if you're addicted to sea weed?

Sea Kelp

 

[noharleyyet]

 

[44hunter45]

Two ions are floating in space
One says, "Oh! I've just lost an electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "I'm positive."

 

[fmnjr]

A polar bear is circling a hole in the ice.
What do you do?
Kick him in the ice-hole.

 

[Big Slick]

You leave home and make a right and three lefts. When you get home there are two men in masks. Who are they?

The catcher and the umpire....

 

[Aussie_hunter_JD]

I hate it when my wife says "Are you listening to me?"
What an adversarial way to start a conversation.

My wife appreciated my retelling of this last night.

 

[fmnjr]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

 

[fmnjr]

Some day I hope to have the kind of life my wife and kids currently have.

 

[2rocky]

 

[noharleyyet]

Cool thread.....needs a groan icon

 

[QuazyQuinton]

Just tested that one and got the appropriate exhale and eye-roll.

QQ

 

[Potsie]

Why don't birds wear pants?

Their peckers are on their face.

 

[fmnjr]

What's all red and sits in the corner?
Baby chewing on razor blades.

 

[QuazyQuinton]

Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So that when they return to port they can Scandinavian!

QQ

 

[MarvB]

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”

What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

 

[Marshian]

Fourth of July Dad joke:
Why are there no America knock knock jokes?

Because freedom rings

 

[44hunter45]

Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?

At the chopping mall.

 

[44hunter45]

Me:"My brother swallowed a string of firecrackers."
My friend," My goodness, is he OK?"
Me, "I'm not sure. I haven't heard the last report."

 

[Huntkook]

Good thing about telling dad joke's is when your grown kids tell them to you. Man accidentally took a whole bottle of Viagra. Did you have to go to the hospital? No but it was the hardest night of my life.

 

[44hunter45]

I'd like thank whoever it was that coined the term, "Plethora".
That word means a lot to me.