Dad Joke thread

[grizzly_]

Dad, will you make me a sandwich? Okay, you're a sandwich.

What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?

 

[Cav1]

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

Mark Twain

 

[Marshian]

What’s a dinosaurs least favorites reindeer?

Comet

What sound does a pterodactyl make when it goes to the bathroom?

None, the P is silent

 

[Festus]

Why isn't your nose 12 inches long? Cause then it would be a foot...

 

[MNElkNut]

My grandpas favorite joke was one in which the joke is really on the listener as it makes no sense and it was great to watch people try and figure it out and give a polite laugh to cover up the fact they don't get it.

What is the difference between a chicken? The left leg is both the same.

 

[Festus]

Do you pack your lunch or walk to school?

 

[noharleyyet]

 

[kansasdad]

What is brown and sticky?



A stick




And one that actually gets laughs from patients about to get numbed up for their root canal......

Where does Captain Hook buy his hooks?



From the second hand store of course!!

 

[2rocky]

 

[Europe]

whatever we children thought was hard---it was harder when my dad had to do it as a child

like WALK to school, barefoot, in the snow---uphill both ways

 

[noharleyyet]

Mike Tyson gifted little metal cups to his friends...

When they asked what it meant, he said it was a thimble of friendship!

 

[choc dogs]

So a baby seal walks into a club.

 

[Brandon270]

Every time my dad used a stud finder he'd run it across his chest and when it beeped he'd say "hey it works!" It was funny the first couple times.....

 

[2rocky]

whatever we children thought was hard---it was harder when my dad had to do it as a child

like WALK to school, barefoot, in the snow---uphill both ways

 

[choc dogs]

So there is this long joke about Oedipus and King Midas. I can’t type out the whole joke, but the punchline is mother@&?!! GOLDEN.

 

[Big Slick]

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

A stick

 

[slatebuilder]

The re-opening of LEGO stores was a big event in 2020.......
People were lined up for blocks.

 

[Big Slick]

Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his friend on the trail?

 

[crock239]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You neek up on him.

How do catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, you neek up on him.

 

[rmyoung1]

Why does the recipe for Irish bean soup call for exactly 239 beans?

Because if you added just one more it would be “two-farty”