Complaining about coach? is it worth it?

[2rocky]

Questions for the Sports parents out there. It's been a couple months since the end of a very poor season for my daughter's Varsity basketball team. Throughout the season I refused to engage with other parents who were openly upset about the coaching. I did not want my daughter's high school sports team experience to be negatively affected because I was critical of the coach. I did notice her performance declined as the season went on.

At the end of her Junior Season according to the stats, she was the Team Leader in Total Points, Offensive rebounds, Defensive rebounds, Blocks, Assists, and second in Steals. She made Honorable Mention All League. The Team Record was 2-10 in league, and 6-20 overall

Last weekend the Team gathered for awards. Parents were not invited. While my daughter was given the "Best Defense Player" award by her coach, one of the seniors was given the MVP Award despite the fact that my daughter beat her handily in every statistical measurement and came second to her only in steals. Never did her coach recognize or mention my daughter for her All League honors. Now I realize that team awards are the ultimate in participation trophies, and that was the only recognition this team was going to get since they were second to last in their league. I told my daughter "Don't worry, next year is your year"

But I do think that there are a number of fundamental problems in the school team. In the meantime, my daughter is playing on a local travel team , more for skill development than exposure. We will enroll her in a Junior Day showcase and camp next month, and look for opportunities to get her exposure to be recruited.

As for whether my daughter's attitude is a problem. I'm inclined to say no. Reason being, I've had a number of younger players and teammates parents compliment my daughter on her hustle, encouragement and mentoring of her teammates. She is a great leader and teammate according to everyone who works out with her. Whereas her coach, when quoted in the press has downplayed my daughter's contributions. "Sometimes she tries to do too much..."

I'm surrounded with parents who want me to join them in complaining to the athletic director about the coach. I'm conflicted feeling like the turmoil of potentially having a new coach and system going into her Senior year could adversely affect her. I definitely see shortcomings though.
What is the advice of other sports parents who have been in this position?

 

[Deleted member 18333]

What's the plan of these other parents? Complain about the coach in hope that she gets better? School fires her and gets better coach? Already have a better coached lined up? Am I correct in assuming that this coach is also a teacher that has raised her hand to coach the team rather than a full time BB coach that also teaches a drivers ed class? Not sure how HS BB works in comparison to HS football.

IMO, if parents want to complain about coaching that is to a great deal voluntary in many HS sports, they better have a damn good alternative lined up or be willing to step up and take on the roll themselves. Unless this coach is holding your daughter back from being the best player and team mate that she can be I would not join in the chorus of complaints. From what you said the coach is not doing this with your daughter, she is just not great at the recognition part. If this is accurate, is your daughter doing this for recognition? If not, let it go.

My sons HS hockey team went 2-18 last year. Coaching was bad, play was bad. All around bad. I kept my mouth shut about the coaching, as I didn't have a better plan.

 

[Gerald Martin]

I’m going to come down on the side of being proactive about speaking with the coach about your concerns. Sharing your experience, expectations and concerns in a calm and positive manner can work if the coach is a coachable person.

I don’t know why everyone seems to think that personal and professional development and growth is only for the athletes and coaches are off limits for improvement just because they are coach.

 

[SAJ-99]

No, it isn't worth it. Your daughter is playing and excelling. You have in her in other leagues so she will get teaching from other coaches as well. If your description is correct, her performance will speak for itself. You should speak with your daughter and see if she is curious about the coach's opinion and if she wants to talk to the coach. She needs to learn how to deal with situations like this. It may be a great opportunity for that. Honestly, what you describe isn't that different from a job where employee is convinced the manager has a problem with them.

 

[TOGIE]

i have no experience or business saying anything here other than having been a high school athlete.

but i tend to feel like first and foremost a good high school coach is a coach who is teaching kids about sports, attitude, some personal responsibility, teamwork, leadership, and balancing these things with education. great if that coach is excellent at helping the kids win too, but a coach can't fully control that either.

if the only thing the parents can complain about is not winning... well, sometimes the other teams are just... better.

 

[Deleted member 18333]

I’m going to come down on the side of being proactive about speaking with the coach about your concerns. Sharing your experience, expectations and concerns in a calm and positive manner can work if the coach is a coachable person.

I don’t know why everyone seems to think that personal and professional development and growth is only for the athletes and coaches are off limits for improvement just because they are coach.

Great idea! However, what was described in the OP was complaints to the AD that my kid should be the MVP.

 

[Nameless Range]

Tough, but some things I think about. Just thoughts:

-The US is currently experiencing a coaching shortage. Just google it and feast your eyes.
-I don't know if coaching has ever been more stressful. I see insane shit locally, and wonder if there are things you may not be aware of.
- HS Coaches are not compensated commensurate with the work they do
-Does this coach care about the kids? Winning, performance, tactics, improvement - all important and part of the role of a coach - but not clear to me it is the most important thing.
-I wouldn't worry to much about the award at the end of the season. Likely just spreading the trophies around.
-There's always a better coach out there, but coaches can improve, can have bad seasons, etc. The same as an athlete.
-School boards typically renew coach contracts. If, as @Gerald Martin advised, you are not satisfied with the conversation you have had with the coach, that would be the venue in my mind to voice concerns publicly.

Mutiny, a kind of community conglomeration where parents collectively express their negative perspectives, in my experience usually sinks to the lowest common denominator.I've seen it in local sports and in other forms of community bellyaching. Be careful joining a club like that.

 

[Treeshark]

Be careful joining a club like that.

I agree with you here, NR.

We are going through a similar scenario in a club sport with my youngest- a bunch of people just left the team, in fact, after going at the coach to the coordinator behind his back. Their coup attempt failed and it got really, really awkward.

Our family, while acknowledging there are issues, has remained out of the fray. It’s nice to have my kid go to practice without fear of retribution against them from the coach caused by my actions.

 

[Mallardsx2]

It's not worth saying anything.

Just let her know that you are proud of her and make sure she is having fun. Thats what really matters.

Trophy's arnt everything.

Coming from a guy who's kid came in 28th out of 30th in the last track meet.....

 

[WildWill]

I'm conflicted feeling like the turmoil of potentially having a new coach and system going into her Senior year could adversely affect her.

Better the devil you know then the one you don't. Sometimes we don't get the recognition we deserve or at least feel we do. Learning how to handle that and that doing a good job is it's own reward is a worthy lesson in itself. If I felt it necessary I'd go to the AD alone and express my feelings one on one as others said a upset group can break out the pitchforks and torches quick.

 

[Bob-WY]

Sounds like your 2 complaints on the coach are

1) loosing record

2) she dint get MVP

Loosing record MIGHT be a coach issue or a talent issue

MVP often goes to a senior if it's close, often even if it's not.

 

[MinnesotaHunter]

Don't fight back, fight forwards.

I would probably go with the tactic of building some reporte with the coach to co-opt him in making things better. Generally speaking, I always start from the position of assuming the person is doing what they think is best with the perspective and information they have. It seems like too often these days people always see the boogie man when it comes to things like this.

 

[Elite7]

I probably wouldn't worry about the trophy or MVP status. MVP doesn't always go to the person with highest stats in my mind. My sister is a high school coach. Pay vs hours are pretty bad and this is in a big school district. She enjoys the sport and trying to help the young adults become better on and off the court. The politics of dealing with bad parents happens every week

 

[Jorgy]

just to give a bit of different perspective, Whomever is coaching, there is a good 75% chance they don't even want to be coaching your daughter, they are doing so because nobody else will, and they believe those girls should all have a opportunity to play ball.

The plotting angry parent mob (whom are normally the same families that are 0% help) seen it quite a few times over the years. Rarely ends up good for either side. If there are things that need to be addressed, volunteer your help with the team. Add value to your daughters basketball experience.

 

[HONEYBADGER]

From the sounds of it nobody on the team is competing for a basketball scholarship anyway so what does it matter? Teaching your daughter that she will work with underperforming and flat out bad people in her life and she has to learn to deal with it is more important.

She will have bad teachers, bad bosses, bad co-workers, bad neighbors, etc. She has to learn to suck it up and focus on what she can do to move herself forward.

 

[Nameless Range]

Don't fight back, fight forwards.

I would probably go with the tactic of building some reporte with the coach to co-opt him in making things better. Generally speaking, I always start from the position of assuming the person is doing what they think is best with the perspective and information they have. It seems like too often these days people always see the boogie man when it comes to things like this.

I almost posted this video, which I have watched more than once, in response to the OP. Your post is basically in the same spirit of it. I really like Jocko's perspective on leadership and always moving forward and almost never getting sucked down into the mire.

 

[2rocky]

What's the plan of these other parents? Complain about the coach in hope that she gets better? School fires her and gets better coach? Already have a better coached lined up? Am I correct in assuming that this coach is also a teacher that has raised her hand to coach the team rather than a full time BB coach that also teaches a drivers ed class? Not sure how HS BB works in comparison to HS football.

The coach did student teaching at the school last year and was hired as a teacher in a different school district. She has coached the 7th grade BBall team at the junior high the last 9 years. The lack of fundamentals in her players is noticeable. The pitchfork committee wants either a new coach or someone to mentor her. She has been the Varsity coach now for 4 years...

 

[Tradewind]

Questions for the Sports parents out there. It's been a couple months since the end of a very poor season for my daughter's Varsity basketball team. Throughout the season I refused to engage with other parents who were openly upset about the coaching. I did not want my daughter's high school sports team experience to be negatively affected because I was critical of the coach. I did notice her performance declined as the season went on.

At the end of her Junior Season according to the stats, she was the Team Leader in Total Points, Offensive rebounds, Defensive rebounds, Blocks, Assists, and second in Steals. She made Honorable Mention All League. The Team Record was 2-10 in league, and 6-20 overall

Last weekend the Team gathered for awards. Parents were not invited. While my daughter was given the "Best Defense Player" award by her coach, one of the seniors was given the MVP Award despite the fact that my daughter beat her handily in every statistical measurement and came second to her only in steals. Never did her coach recognize or mention my daughter for her All League honors. Now I realize that team awards are the ultimate in participation trophies, and that was the only recognition this team was going to get since they were second to last in their league. I told my daughter "Don't worry, next year is your year"

But I do think that there are a number of fundamental problems in the school team. In the meantime, my daughter is playing on a local travel team , more for skill development than exposure. We will enroll her in a Junior Day showcase and camp next month, and look for opportunities to get her exposure to be recruited.

As for whether my daughter's attitude is a problem. I'm inclined to say no. Reason being, I've had a number of younger players and teammates parents compliment my daughter on her hustle, encouragement and mentoring of her teammates. She is a great leader and teammate according to everyone who works out with her. Whereas her coach, when quoted in the press has downplayed my daughter's contributions. "Sometimes she tries to do too much..."

I'm surrounded with parents who want me to join them in complaining to the athletic director about the coach. I'm conflicted feeling like the turmoil of potentially having a new coach and system going into her Senior year could adversely affect her. I definitely see shortcomings though.
What is the advice of other sports parents who have been in this position?

Good for you. I see way too many parents out there wanting to live vicariously through their kids success and ranting about every little thing.
In my experience, parents like you are hard to come by

 

[2rocky]

From the sounds of it nobody on the team is competing for a basketball scholarship anyway so what does it matter? Teaching your daughter that she will work with underperforming and flat out bad people in her life and she has to learn to deal with it is more important.

She will have bad teachers, bad bosses, bad co-workers, bad neighbors, etc. She has to learn to suck it up and focus on what she can do to move herself forward.

This has been a discussion point my daughter and i have had...

just to give a bit of different perspective, Whomever is coaching, there is a good 75% chance they don't even want to be coaching your daughter, they are doing so because nobody else will, and they believe those girls should all have a opportunity to play ball.

The plotting angry parent mob (whom are normally the same families that are 0% help) seen it quite a few times over the years. Rarely ends up good for either side. If there are things that need to be addressed, volunteer your help with the team. Add value to your daughters basketball experience.

It's a paying gig she applied and competed for. One parent, a League basketball referee, offered help and was rebuffed. Another previous player's mother coached a high school team in a different league very successfully and the coach told her to mind her own business.

I probably wouldn't worry about the trophy or MVP status. MVP doesn't always go to the person with highest stats in my mind. My sister is a high school coach. Pay vs hours are pretty bad and this is in a big school district. She enjoys the sport and trying to help the young adults become better on and off the court. The politics of dealing with bad parents happens every week

I agree. I don't want to be a bad parent.... The MVP from my perspective had a crappy attitude, and did not treat the younger teammates well.

Don't fight back, fight forwards.

I would probably go with the tactic of building some reporte with the coach to co-opt him in making things better. Generally speaking, I always start from the position of assuming the person is doing what they think is best with the perspective and information they have. It seems like too often these days people always see the boogie man when it comes to things like this.

This has been my approach up until now.

Sounds like your 2 complaints on the coach are

1) loosing record

2) she dint get MVP

Loosing record MIGHT be a coach issue or a talent issue

MVP often goes to a senior if it's close, often even if it's not.

3) team infighting because of poor senior leadership
4) lack of support in the skill development department for the teammates

I agree with you here, NR.

We are going through a similar scenario in a club sport with my youngest- a bunch of people just left the team, in fact, after going at the coach to the coordinator behind his back. Their coup attempt failed and it got really, really awkward.

Our family, while acknowledging there are issues, has remained out of the fray. It’s nice to have my kid go to practice without fear of retribution against them from the coach caused by my actions.

This is what I want to avoid

Great idea! However, what was described in the OP was complaints to the AD that my kid should be the MVP.

No...Her teammates have been shortchanged in their skill development. Meanwhile my daughter pursued opportunities outside the HS system to grow .

i have no experience or business saying anything here other than having been a high school athlete.

but i tend to feel like first and foremost a good high school coach is a coach who is teaching kids about sports, attitude, some personal responsibility, teamwork, leadership, and balancing these things with education. great if that coach is excellent at helping the kids win too, but a coach can't fully control that either.

if the only thing the parents can complain about is not winning... well, sometimes the other teams are just... better.

I couldn't agree more...I've coached myself....I've seen what a High school coach CAN do.

 

[2rocky]

Good for you. I see way too many parents out there wanting to live vicariously through their kids success and ranting about every little thing.
In my experience, parents like you are hard to come by

This is the first of our kids who has the potential and desire to compete at a post Secondary level. As a second grader she was giving me suggestions on practice plans, wanted to play "Practice" and truly loves a lot about the game and the work that goes into it. She is working out doing conditioning with the team trainer 2x a week, practicing with her AAU team 2x a week, and spending an hour and a half on Thursdays doing individual basketball workouts with her AAU coach and a college student he is helping prepare for the transfer portal. This has all been at her request and she is initiating it and doing it herself.

Our conversations (my daughter and I) have been about how she needs to continue to lead by example, and be encouraging to her younger teammates . I think she's done really well at that. What I'm hoping is that her 5 senior classmates will support her as she interacts with the coach to make practice time more productive and their team more competitive. I encouraged her to talk with the AAU coach for suggestions.

My gut feeling is that a 5 year relationship with the coach is valuable.

Postscript: The two most vocal parents against the coach have daughters that don't get a lot of playing time. My attitude has always been: "Be so good, Coach can't help but play you" Ironically the only other player on the team who is doing an offseason league is one of those girls. I really hope she gets a chance to shine.