Beer and conservatives vs liberals.

ELKCHSR

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Posted in another topic but I thought it really belonged here... ;)
Tom
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posted 04-06-2004 12:16
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The division of the human family into its two distinct branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood. Humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer was invented. This epochal innovation was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the great bifurcation of humanity in to its two distinct subgroups: Liberal s and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can had yet been invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days hunting animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative movement. Other men who we re weaker and less skilled at hunting, so they learned learned how to live off conservatives by simply showing up for the BBQs every night and doing women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement. Later, some of the liberals actual became women.

Liberal achievements included the domestication of cats, invention of group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide up the beer and meat that the conservatives provided. ; Women were not interested in democra cy at that time because most of them were still women back then, and the conservatives fed them. Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer white wine or foreign water in a bottle. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are on liberal menus. Their women have more testo sterone than the men. Liberals like de viant sex and want others to like it too. Their first successful city governments were Sodom and Gomorra.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat, and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, golf players, rodeo cowb oys, lumber jacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside of government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who really want to work for a living. Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad. They own guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals. They provide guns to the armed f orces to discourage foreign liberals and other foreign criminals. The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-blooded Conservative. A hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to find the owner of a huge cattle ranch. He rode up to one of the ranch hands, and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you tell me where I might locate your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sumbitch ain't been born yet".
 

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