And the guilt of letting people down because you ran out of energy or simply forgot to do the thing you said you would. But that’s a different issue.
ADHD- Long overdue to deal with it
- Thread starter R.K.
- Start date
Definitely one of the hardest parts is how so many people don’t believe it’s real, especially in adults.
You can hang on for a long time, basically a lifetime. But, it often reaches a tipping a point.
My wife urged me to go talk to a therapist. I thought I was clinically depressed. I was angry all the time, tired all the time, unmotivated, forgetful. My sleep was terrible, had been for over decade. In hindsight, I had never been a good sleeper. But I was still remarkably functional and held down a great social life, a great job, and a great family. But the mask only holds for so long.
It really came to a head when I realized hunting by myself had turned into this intense trigger of depression, exhaustion, and just simple sadness. The intense solitude and time alone with my utterly exhausted brain was borderline toxic for it.
I talked to my therapist about all of it, in great detail. The episodes of depression and intense sadness while hunting. The looping spirals my brain would get stuck in. My daily exhaustion, lack of motivation, and lack of care that I was unmotivated and unable to start things. Every day was a mission to find the path of least resistance in all things, big or small.
It didn’t take long for her to suspect ADHD. I was very surprised. Only because I was expecting a clean and simple “yeah, you’re depressed.” She really didn’t see depression, maybe a little, she saw ADHD.
Then you look back across your entire life and it’s so obvious.
There is a period of mourning, honestly I’m still in it from time to time, where you wonder what you could’ve been had it been caught sooner - what kind of success, what kind of degrees, what kind of adventure, where might you be in life, and so on.
The grieving what could’ve been should be seriously acknowledged, it’s not something to trivialize. But I realized you need to acknowledge but then you have to bury it. Your life brought you this point and made you who you are and you have an incredible life worth grieving. You now get to focus on how you are better equipped to enjoy your life to the fullest and make the most of it - looking forward, not backward.
Simply seeing an answer and a path forward changes everything.
You can hang on for a long time, basically a lifetime. But, it often reaches a tipping a point.
My wife urged me to go talk to a therapist. I thought I was clinically depressed. I was angry all the time, tired all the time, unmotivated, forgetful. My sleep was terrible, had been for over decade. In hindsight, I had never been a good sleeper. But I was still remarkably functional and held down a great social life, a great job, and a great family. But the mask only holds for so long.
It really came to a head when I realized hunting by myself had turned into this intense trigger of depression, exhaustion, and just simple sadness. The intense solitude and time alone with my utterly exhausted brain was borderline toxic for it.
I talked to my therapist about all of it, in great detail. The episodes of depression and intense sadness while hunting. The looping spirals my brain would get stuck in. My daily exhaustion, lack of motivation, and lack of care that I was unmotivated and unable to start things. Every day was a mission to find the path of least resistance in all things, big or small.
It didn’t take long for her to suspect ADHD. I was very surprised. Only because I was expecting a clean and simple “yeah, you’re depressed.” She really didn’t see depression, maybe a little, she saw ADHD.
Then you look back across your entire life and it’s so obvious.
There is a period of mourning, honestly I’m still in it from time to time, where you wonder what you could’ve been had it been caught sooner - what kind of success, what kind of degrees, what kind of adventure, where might you be in life, and so on.
The grieving what could’ve been should be seriously acknowledged, it’s not something to trivialize. But I realized you need to acknowledge but then you have to bury it. Your life brought you this point and made you who you are and you have an incredible life worth grieving. You now get to focus on how you are better equipped to enjoy your life to the fullest and make the most of it - looking forward, not backward.
Simply seeing an answer and a path forward changes everything.
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I’ve run into this a bit, especially with those in previous generations. And the ones who do believe it don’t always understand how it spirals into other things (especially as an adult), and they’re quick to point out these other symptoms rather than the root of it. I didn’t fully understand it myself until more recently.
Grieving the life I could have had was fairly common- missed opportunities, connections, failed relationships, lost friends, etc. Living in the past is happening a lot less now, too.
I basically see it as giving hope. Hope that you aren’t doomed to constantly repeat the cycle of disappointing others and burnout, that you can finally get things done. Hope that it gets better.
One other improvement I forgot to mention- I don’t think I’ve been unintentionally late to anything. Think it falls under “time blindness”, which I didn’t really get into. Things still come up you can’t control, but I’m finally aware of how much time I have left and don’t try to squeeze in “one more thing” that makes me late.
jryoung
Well-known member
Putting off my list of chores for the day to post on an ADHD discussion is totally on point for ADHD. I'm looking at my work/reloading bench and it literally creates a buzzing noise in my head, but I just don't want to get started. But yesterday, I was hyper focused and not only did I de-prime and tumble and dry brass. But I also decided to clean most of my cartridge boxes by hand.
I've balanced low dopamine, depression, and subsequent executive function challenges all my life. Dealt with it in many different ways throughout the years. Much of it from a non-technical perspective in the early years, and now through better diagnostics, personal recognition, and support from others.
Being able to communicate how you're feeling and what your triggers are is such a vital component. Having a partner or a work team that can both sympathize with you at the right moments and push you in the right moments matters.
My wife and I are polar opposites, she can literally manage a dozen things at once and bake a load of bread at the same time. I'll have three basic tasks to get done for a day, and one wrinkle will spin me sideways. We'll be talking and she'll list out all those things, in my brain will wind up like an overstressed hard drive with a fan blowing at 25,000 RPMs trying to cool down. I feel so fortunate that I can look at her and say "you just gave me a lot of information, what's the first thing you need me to get done."
It sucks when you feel helpless and incapable.
In the chemical side of the equation It's always a work in progress and we're always making adjustments. Lately between a mild dose of testosterone, a GLP, hyperbaric oxygen, nutritional supplementation and stimulants when needed it's been okay.
We live in an incredible time when there are so many more resources to us, most importantly, in environment where we can more openly talk about our challenges. My two closest friends and I always try and take a lighter approach to discussing it, but we make a point to check in on one another to make sure we're not spiraling. Layer on aging parents, teenage kids, and general midlife malaise it can be a lot. Something started as a joke when on a hunting trip my buddy Paul said "I love glassing on Adderall" has sort of turned into a life phrase for us. I'm stimulated but focused and keeping the bigger picture in frame too.
I've balanced low dopamine, depression, and subsequent executive function challenges all my life. Dealt with it in many different ways throughout the years. Much of it from a non-technical perspective in the early years, and now through better diagnostics, personal recognition, and support from others.
Being able to communicate how you're feeling and what your triggers are is such a vital component. Having a partner or a work team that can both sympathize with you at the right moments and push you in the right moments matters.
My wife and I are polar opposites, she can literally manage a dozen things at once and bake a load of bread at the same time. I'll have three basic tasks to get done for a day, and one wrinkle will spin me sideways. We'll be talking and she'll list out all those things, in my brain will wind up like an overstressed hard drive with a fan blowing at 25,000 RPMs trying to cool down. I feel so fortunate that I can look at her and say "you just gave me a lot of information, what's the first thing you need me to get done."
It sucks when you feel helpless and incapable.
In the chemical side of the equation It's always a work in progress and we're always making adjustments. Lately between a mild dose of testosterone, a GLP, hyperbaric oxygen, nutritional supplementation and stimulants when needed it's been okay.
We live in an incredible time when there are so many more resources to us, most importantly, in environment where we can more openly talk about our challenges. My two closest friends and I always try and take a lighter approach to discussing it, but we make a point to check in on one another to make sure we're not spiraling. Layer on aging parents, teenage kids, and general midlife malaise it can be a lot. Something started as a joke when on a hunting trip my buddy Paul said "I love glassing on Adderall" has sort of turned into a life phrase for us. I'm stimulated but focused and keeping the bigger picture in frame too.
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