HMMM, I got a whole bunch of wierd relatives. How about to start a sister that is a top ranked CPA, that is always broke. She can manage everyones money but hers. OR MINE, cause I seen what she did with hers.
CAN I talk about my Wifes Uncle. He used to be a bank robber. THEN He ran out of the bank once and Right into the door and Knocked him out. When HE awoke a few min later he had cops guns in his face...
He finally got out of prison but I think he missed it because it wasn't long till he got put back in for Drug dealing.. NOT that he dealt it, but was just the Muscle guy behind it
My wifes Grandma and her Grandpa like to talk about sex when they're drunk up camping and her Uncle (Another one) talks about braiding his wifes Butt hair.
Other then that I think They're all normal. Except.. Well, We'll leave that for another time
My Mother is the Great Great Granddaughter of Frank James, of the famous team of Jesse and Frank. They were financial advisors in the late 19th century in Middle America.. They were in charge of wealth redistribution..
Then my sister married Walt Floyd. Grandson of Prettyboy Floyd. Another firearms enthusiast.
Finally, my father's father was a practicing attorney in California in the 40's and 50's. Among his many clients was one Benjamin Seagel... Mr. Seagel was in the hotel business. You must admit that having a lawyer in the family and talking about it is pretty weird... !!
Our favorite Uncle Ernie was "connected." He would drive us around with a mannikin in the trunk of his car, the legs sticking out with shoes and stockings on them, just to crack us up at people's reactions. He got pulled over a couple of times, the cops would walk up to him and just say something like, "Oh hello, Mr. Saenz. I didn't know it was you. Have a good day, Sir."
He would give my brothers and me a nickle or a dime to go pinch a woman's butt at family gatherings.
He hired a man in a gorilla suit one time. We showed up at his house and rang the doorbell. Uncle Ernie opened the door with the chain on it, said, "NO! You can't come in right now!" just as this hairy hand came out and grabbed him by the top of his head. They proceeded to smash all the furniture in the living room, wrestling around. I guess he was buying my aunt new furniture and thought this would be fun.
Anytime we came to visit, and my Dad decided it was time to go, Ernie would walk us to the car and then say, "Wait! I hear the Ice Cream man!" So we would wait and play with Uncle Ernie for another hour or so. At that time, he would give us each a dollar and tell us to "make sure your old man stops on the way home." My Mom told me after Ernie died that they had not had an ice cream man in the neighborhood for 20 years...
We would play Monopoly with silver dollars - he had suitcases of them under his bed. He also had a Schmeisser in his garage...
His "headquarters" was in the loft of a liquor store he owned. A robber came in and pistol-whipped his best friend, who was manning the cash register while Ernie counted the book receipts. Ernie shot him with a .45 -
Ernie told my brothers and I(he had no sons and only one daughter) that Greg was going to go to Yale, I was going to go to Harvard and Randy was going to Stanford. Unfortunately, Uncle Ernie suffered a heart attack and died while I was in 8th grade.
That was on my Mom's side, along with Irishmen and American Indians...
No Lie! My Dad's Mom's maiden name was Marie Busch, and her mother's maiden name was Anheuser. Yep - we're the poor cousins to old Uncle Auggie.
My great uncle Sonny, my grandfathers brother was always in prison, he would get out and do something to get put back in he liked it there. He spent most of his life in the Lewisburg Penitentary. I think he died there.
One time my grandfather was rabbit hunting, he decided it was visting day he could stop by and see his brother. He pulled in to the Prison lot with a shotgun on the back deck of his Studebaker. He swears the only reason he didn't get locked up with Sonny was cause the gubment didn't wanna feed all them dang beagles in the back seat. They did detain him for quite awhile.
My mom was born and raised in germany. She was brought up being told that she the result of a WWII rape from occupying forces. Hence, she never knew her biological father.
My mom emigrated to the US and started her own family here. While visiting relatives in Germany 8 years ago she mentioned that she'd of liked to of known who her biological father was, but it was impossible because she was the result of a rape. Her relative laughed and informed her that her mother was not raped but was a prostitute.
Who else can say "Grandma's a hooker"?
Who am I to judge though, those were different times. If it came down to putting food on the table I may consider alternate methods as well.