Where the sun don’t shine

I’ve had to use the crust off a snowdrift.
been there. I prefer the soft snow under the crust.
Any of you read this? Available on Amazon (of course), and cheap too.

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There are four editions of a book on what I have been doing since I was 12! Dang, Good to be an old hand at something.
 
Those nice hearty shiny smooth green leaves that come in bunches of threes look great to wipe with!! Until you or others learn that the favorite preferred place for poison Ivy is along stream banks, especially out west in drier climates! I’d almost rather wipe withe a cactus- Almost!
 
Situation: fishing on the river
Challenge: need to drop a deuce and no TP
Solution: some nice hand sized leaves that had some scaly/prickly situation on the topside but seemed fairly innocuous on the underside
Aftermath:
View attachment 189432
Curious any similar stories / what’s your go-to failsafe leaf of choice for backcountry wipes.
If I was in a remote area fishing on the river no one else was around i’d drop a deuce just offshore in the bushes and then go down and wash my arse in the river, But your story doesn’t mention how many others were around

I always have TP and baby wipes in my pack and a roll in the truck
 
Sock tops… more than a time or two.

Ive learned to keep TP or paper towels on my person when hiking. Jus sayin
 
I never ever leave without some TP rolled up in the ziploc bag with my license. There seems to be some spices that I'm allergic to that can make the situation urgent. Weird thing is that it doesn't always happen right after I eat so it's impossible to predict. If I'm just going on a hike and don't have my hunting license I will stuff napkins from my truck in my pocket before I head out.
 
Montana hunting regs are made of recycled paper, I assume for this very reason. I always carry a set in my pack. I generally, start with antelope and then if need be the district legal discriptions. And then the regions in order.
 
I over the years I have went home with, no socks, t-shirt, shorts, a pant leg or two and stuff I can not remember. I have to say at 70 I am more prepared than i was at 20-50
 
I have flushable wipes in both cars, every backpack, in my desk at work.....One of the greatest inventions known to mankind, those wet flushable wipes. No more "campers butt" and that funny walk.

My watermelon of a prostate taught me that pride is a small thing, given the number of times I have stopped on the roadside to drain. Same in doing a deuce - if ya gotta, ya gotta.
 
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