Self defense pistol recommendations.

43x is my everyday carry and does everything I need it to. That said, go handle several guns in the size you think you want, based on your needs. See what fits best, then research reliability, etc.

Smith M&P is also a strong contender. 9mm is the obvious choice for many, many reasons. Bullets matter more than cartridges. However, my wife carries a 22mag that holds 30 rounds and recoils absolutely zero. That may be one of the most fun guns I’ve ever shot.

To your point about not putting boxes and boxes of ammo through it: Buy something you’ll actually practice with. A gun that you’re not intimately familiar with is completely useless, especially in the stressful situations that necessitate its use. Both cartridges I’ve mentioned are cheap to practice with.
 
My EDC is a Sheild Plus and I would ask a newer shooter to shoot a compact and a full size side by side. Compacts are quite a bit snappier than a full size pistol and can be uncomfortable and harder to shoot accurately until you solidify your grip.
 
Also depends if you want a striker fired or hammer fired semi auto. Pros and cons to each, and other differences such as when reholstering a loaded striker fired pistol, versus reholstering a hammer fired one (when doing so, you can put your thumb on the hammer to ensure the trigger isnt catching on anything). Glocks are striker fired.

Some striker fired pistols have a manual safety, like certain variants of the the Sig P365 and S&W M&P Shield.

I’ve had both, along with Glocks and several other makes. For a subcompact pistol, the S&W Shield is solid. I have one in .45 (7 rounds, with manual safety) but not as easy to find a holster for it, as for a 9mm Shield. And in at least a few anecdotal youtube videos by an ex military guy who goes by the name Garand Thumb, the M&P did very well in mud and ice/extreme cold tests.

But a 7 shot, stainless 357 mag revolver would also be a great truck gun. And if you had to, putting a trigger guard lock on it would make it more secure than on a plastic semi auto (where if someone really wanted to, they could quickly cut the plastic trigger guard to remove the lock).
 
Is it still good advice to use factory loads instead of handloads when you're carrying?
Personally, I think it is. This is due to lawsuits involving use of force issues. Plus, they are reliable and a standard that reloads are based on to meet or exceed. The downside is the EDC ammo is sold in 20 packs and are pricey. So practice with reloads or cheaper ammo that is as close to your EDC ammo then sight in for EDC.

You will hear many different opinions on this but do what works for you and your family. A lawsuit can be your worst nightmare do your best to avoid it.
 
Glock 19X Austria 9x19...do Recommend the light for things that go bump. Should you require more sophisticated usage a modified slide for dot sight mechanisms are available. Comes with grip shims...affordable.
 
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