Rough spots of raising your own hunting buddy.

[NPO_Aaron]

All of my young adult life I have looked forward to someday having a kid to pass on my passion for the outdoors. Well, 6 months ago my wife and I had a little boy. Now, don't get me wrong, I am so happy to have the little dude, but with him as come a DRASTIC decrease in my time available to hunt. Along with little dude, I recently opened my own business (1 year), and needless to say, stress tends to pile up. The kicker here is that my way of burning off stress and "recharging" is time spent hunting and fishing. So, I'm stuck in a cycle of being agitated by not being able to get out and hunt, and then not being able to blow off that tension. My wife can tell that something isn't right with me, but she doesn't understand the situation at all. I know it seems really selfish, but I've used this to "get back to normal" my whole life. Anyone else have any experience with this predicament?

 

[Ben Long]

I feel your pain! Even wonderful events in life are change, and all big changes come with stress. My wife and I have been together 22 years and our son is 12 and it's still a juggle finding "enough" time to hunt come fall. Congratulations on the son and the new business. I would just say that it's OK to feel loss, even when things are "going great" in life. For me, I have to stick up for my needs, while respecting my wife's needs. It's tough balance requiring a lot of communication. I'm not ashamed to say a good counselor helps us strike that balance. (Maybe I should start an advice column!)

 

[James Riley]

If I could do it all over I'd quit thinking about myself and how I can't hunt the way I want to hunt and have always hunted. I'd bring my baby with me. And the wife, too.

I !@#$%^ up. When my son expressed interest, I expected too much too soon and instead of adjusting me to him, I either expected him to adjust to me, or get left at home. Again, I !@#$%^ up. Don't !@#$ up.

Better to have him in the woods with you scaring away a world record bull with his crying and rancid diapers than to leave him at home, or to have you home stressing. And fishing? Hell, that would be a cake walk, especially flat water fishing.

You may not want to hear it, but there you go. That's my opinion.

 

[Southern Elk]

Incorporate your wife and son into your activities. I don't hunt as much as I used to before kids, but we still spend a ton of time outside. My wife encourages me to hunt when I can, but other times I can't because of the kids activities. You said you like to fish. That one is easy, just take them along. Whether it's in a boat or from the shore, there's no reason that they can't come along. My kids can't be still or quiet long enough to sit in a deer stand or spot and stalk big game, but they love to hike in the woods and hunt squirrels. I'm building a 6'x6' hunting stand/blind for this fall, so my wife and both kids can all tag along deer hunting. There will come a day when it's just you again, until then take every opportunity to bring the family along.

 

[JMG]

Something "we" did when our two boys were little was to have a family & friends "bow hunting" trip. The ladies would do an arts and craft project during the day and the guys would do a good morning hunt. It was a great way to involve my wife and the boys. On many of those morning hunts I would take my boy(s). I had to remind myself to keep it fun for myself and the boy(s). We would pretend that pine cones were land mines or grenades, etc. One other thing to have with you is candy bars. We would walk a good distance and take a break (this were the candy comes in).

The thing is you can make it a positive situation or you can make it a negative one. I think back and it was a time to make some great memories. When life hands you lemons . . . you might as well make lemonade.

There was one hunt with my oldest son (he was about 7 at the time) where we got onto a decent 5 point bull and a small group of cows, the bull was bugling and we were able to get about 100 yards, but couldn't get closer. Afterward, my son said, "we were actually hunting".

The other thing that I realize now is that your kids grow up fast. Enjoy the heck out of them while you can. Your priorities will change as you and your family grow up. Now that my boys are grown (oldest a freshman in College and the youngest a Junior in high school) I'm finding that more time is becoming available for me . . . and me and my wife.

Good luck and congrats on the boy.

 

[James Riley]

Something "we" did when our two boys were little was to have a family & friends "bow hunting" trip. The ladies would do an arts and craft project during the day and the guys would do a good morning hunt. It was a great way to involve my wife and the boys. On many of those morning hunts I would take my boy(s). I had to remind myself to keep it fun for myself and the boy(s). We would pretend that pine cones were land mines or grenades, etc. One other thing to have with you is candy bars. We would walk a good distance and take a break (this were the candy comes in).

The thing is you can make it a positive situation or you can make it a negative one. I think back and it was a time to make some great memories. When life hands you lemons . . . you might as well make lemonade.

There was one hunt with my oldest son (he was about 7 at the time) where we got onto a decent 5 point bull and a small group of cows, the bull was bugling and we were able to get about 100 yards, but couldn't get closer. Afterward, my son said, "we were actually hunting".

The other thing that I realize now is that your kids grow up fast. Enjoy the heck out of them while you can. Your priorities will change as you and your family grow up. Now that my boys are grown (oldest a freshman in College and the youngest a Junior in high school) I'm finding that more time is becoming available for me . . . and me and my wife.

Good luck and congrats on the boy.

This ^^^^^!

 

[Gerald Martin]

Times and seasons are constantly changing. Giving a little can gain you a lot later on. I'd say that you need to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your need to spend some time in the woods and then make sure you are sensitive to her needs as well. Raising infants is intense and she's going to feel the loss of some of her freedom to do the things she was able to do before children came into the picture. With good communication you can work together to figure out how to make each other's recreation and sanity retention time an asset to your relationship rather than a point of contention.

As was mentioned before, incorporate them into your hunting at the level they enjoy from an early age. It will mean a change from how you did things in the past, but you'll figure it out. Before long as they grow in ability you'll look forward to them joining you and won't want to go without them. My kids' success bring me more enjoyment than my own, now.

 

[tarheel]

It can put you in a situation which has changes along the way but can be there for a lifetime.

To better explain that here's my situation. When living in CO I was able to get my son in the field a number of times; archery deer, duck, goose, dove and pheasant were the quarry as well as fishing, but then along came school sports and Pop Warner football. Add to that a move cross country and the sports continued but we were able to still get in some trips until high school came along and it was full time sports, student government, girls, etc. and that remained the story right on through college. Since then it has been running a business and raising kids which occupied his time while I sit frustrated to see my grandson grow to 21 yrs. old and he still doesn't have his hunter safety certificate for all the same reasons, sports, school, involvement on multiple levels in the community. They're both great citizens, but it's killing me that they haven't been able to experience what I did with my Father, Grandfather, uncles and all the cousins. Maybe they can evolve into it when the boy gets out of college, but I feel we've all been deprived of experiences which would bond us more closely and put some meat on the table at the same time.

I think a long conversation with your wife explaining what you related to us would produce desirable results. Get the grandparents to babysit for a weekend or longer and take your wife along. Chances are you guys will find a workable answer; good luck!

 

[Nameless Range]

There are a lot HuntTalkers I admire because of their ability to share the world of Hunting with their kids. Mine are 7 and 2 and when I can I incorporate them into my hunting/fishing. Lots of wisdom and good advice above.

The problem of balancing work, hunting, and family is not problem with a permanent resolution, but is a first-world struggle that is a privilege of a problem to have, and one that will take give/take/adjustment for as long as you have a family and a job. It's always ongoing. Congrats on the birth of your child. You're gonna hunt less now. Temper your expectations and communicate with your wife. It can be hard to explain to a family member who doesn't need to hunt how necessary hunting can be to a hunter's sanity. Get a good child carrying backpack. That's been key in getting my young kids outside with me.

 

[6mm Remington]

Start them early and get them out with you often. Having a little one or two along will certainly slow you down until they get older, but the little rewards along the way will be well worth it. I had my son out there with me hunting the first time when he was 1 1/2 years old. We went archery elk hunting together, day trip of course. Diapers, formula, and kid in a backpack carrier. Try and get your wife with you out there also. She might really enjoy it, just start them out slow and make sure that they have fun. Getting cold, wet, and hungry is not fun for anyone let alone a person new to the adventure.

Jeff on a successful whitetail doe hunt with grandpa pushing him on the game cart to go get my doe.



He kept patting her on the chest saying "buck buck".

 

[James Riley]

Getting cold, wet, and hungry is not fun for anyone let alone a person new to the adventure.

That's what I didn't understand. I thought everyone loved that. Wrong.

 

[WestT]

I live your quandry each and every day as well. As previously stated, have a little talk with your wife. Everyone deserves a little time to themselves. It's good for the mind, body, and soul. There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. However, realize that the opportunities will be fewer and farther between. Your family is your responsibility, never forget that. Then one day (yesterday for me) when you take your 8 year old daughter out for the youth hunting season she'll look right at you with humongous smile and tell you she had "the best day ever" and nothing can compare to that.

 

[wolfpup]

Here is my .02 for what it's worth. You made the choice to be a family man, so do that and do it well! Hunting and fishing is a privilege and you can do that the rest of your life, after your kids are grown. When I am not fishing or hunting, I am thinking about it or reading about it. I have a 3 year old girl and another girl on the way. My hunting and fishing has changed drastically! I let my daughter and wife dictate a joint hunt meaning if they decide at the last minute to join me, I drop every plan I have and roll with the welcome invitation. When your daughter wants to use a cheetoh to catch a fish, you put that cheetoh on the line and watch that thing intently with her or him in your case. My point is there is plenty of time to be serious about fishing and hunting, but you are also molding a young memory and an opinion on what they think they are doing (fishing or hunting). Balance is key! Be on the same page as your wife and agree on a time / length of hunt. My elk / deer hunt is 5 days instead of the 7 or 8 i took prior to kids. My wife hunts and fishes with me but nowhere near the commitment I have. My deer and elk hunts are my time to do my thing my way. It is too tough of a hunt and too big of a time investment for me to take them until my kids are old enough to chip in. The other 51 weeks of the year, I don't mind getting up an hour earlier to get things packed or stopping 3 extra times for bathroom breaks. Earn brownie points with the wife following up to the hunt. Clean the house before you leave or whatever to go the extra mile to show your wife you appreciate the sacrifice she gives while you do your passion. This are what works for me and my wife / kids. If my husband and father commitments are fullfilled, I go hunting!

 

[coppermushroom]

OP - life is not about you anymore the minute you have a child. Nobody can describe how they change your life until you experience it first hand. Even with all of this they are still the greatest thing likely to ever happen to you. Every minute you spend with them now pays of 10X down the road. With so much competing for their time nowadays I encourage you to take them with you every chance you get as this will form bonds that cannot be broken by video games, peer pressure, etc.

My two are 11 and 12 now and are successful hunters in their own right but they both started in ground blinds playing with dump trucks while I hoped a blind and deaf deer would amble by. From there it was goose blinds where they were armed with a Red Rider - in between flocks we would have corn cob shooting contests with that BB gun that made the time fly by. Now he has his own layout blind next to mine and carries his 20ga; there is no better way to get to know your child than out in the wild.

Give it a chance - your harvest rate will likely go down but I bet your enjoyment goes up.

 

[smarandr]

As was mentioned before, incorporate them into your hunting at the level they enjoy from an early age. It will mean a change from how you did things in the past, but you'll figure it out. Before long as they grow in ability you'll look forward to them joining you and won't want to go without them. My kids' success bring me more enjoyment than my own, now.

Yes. I don't hunt and fish nearly as much or in the manner that I used to, but I find that watching them succeed is just as satisfying (if not more so) than having my own success. My eight year old caught a 12" planter fish all by himself this weekend and I know I had a bigger smile on my face than when I reeled in my own 6 pounder back in July.

 

[noharleyyet]

It was my son who got me fired back up for deer hunting 20 years ago. Had that not happened I doubt I would've tried elk hunting. This will be our 4th straight season to chase elk together...the high point of the year for both of us.

 

[HSi-ESi]

As someone with small kids - and trying not to echo what is above - I would say to take this as an opportunity to live back through your child hood hunting. I guess these would be my six points (only limited in what I can think of now):

1. Check your ego. I had a long streak of shooting elk every year. I didn't think the streak was important to me (and it's not really). But it is tough to say I didn't take an elk in a given year. That's not important right now.

2. Involve them. This might mean a 10 minute "hunt" where you creep through a stand of trees. Look at tracks, scat, bones, leaves, etc. Everything is cool to a little kid. My truck is always full of rocks, bones & feathers that they have picked up.

3. Get them something small to involve them. My kids love to blow on calls. So I brought some calls when we were deer "hunting". Yes, they were blown as loud as the kid could muster and sounded like a dying turkey trying to mate with a coyote. But the kids think they are calling something in and love it. The kids also blow on calls when we're driving somewhere. The soon-to-be 7 year old has gotten the hang of them.

4. Bring something small home (deer, rabbit, squirrel, etc). Involve them in butchering, cooking, etc. Dew claws are on my kids hit list right now. I had to bring back the head and hooves from a deer last week.

5. Bring a good supply of candy. M&M's, orange peanuts, etc. Just don't let them eat so much that they get sick.

6. Kids call the shots. I've been on a 10 minute hunt before because they were "done". That's OK - find something else in the woods that day to look at - or head back home and have hot chocolate.

Lastly, build time in for your wife to get away as well. My wife takes time in the spring for a "craft retreat". I take a little extended hunt in the fall. We're both better parents when we each get a little time away.

 

[NPO_Aaron]

You guys rock, thanks for the posts. I know that the way I'm feeling is selfish. Honestly, I think I'm just sulking as I try to get used to my new life. I am beyond excited to get my little dude out with me, and absolutely appreciate all of your advice.

 

[Irrelevant]

It's obvious that many of us feel this way. I will say that the sooner you start taking them out the easier. It's a learning process for you as the parent more so than your kids, kids are damn tough and adaptable, it's us parents with our expectations and tempers that are the weak link. I try pretty hard to take both kids, 5 and 2, outdoors all seasons, in all weather. Focusing more on non-hunting related activities, just because at the start it's best to keep it simple. We (I) attempted to take our first born out for the march trout opener here in Washington when she was two-weeks old. No one fished, two out the three cried... we (I) underestimated how cold it would be, and how much babies don't like cold, but it was the first step to learning what it does take and what a baby is capable of. Since then we've had several trips where I forgot diapers, or forgot to bring enough food, or water, or tried to do a hike that was too much, or didn't think it was going to snow... but it did. They were all learning experiences for both the kids and I. Last year I took my 4 year old grouse and rabbit hunting, we managed both, her quietly walking behind me on a short gated forest road. This year, I've taken both out after grouse several times (without as much success), but they understand what to expect, I understand what to expect, which is makes the entire trip easier and more enjoyable. We had a blast this weekend (though again no grouse). I've learned to appreciate showing them the woods and nature almost as much as I enjoy the hunting aspect.

 

[zachthebowhunter]

This is a beautiful post for someone in my place and time of life! I am getting married in about 4 months and we plan on starting our family in the next couple of years. Right now I can pretty much hunt and do whatever I want whenever I want (around my school schedule) but it is nice to get some advice from guys that have been doing the damn thing and doing it well.