Rough spots of raising your own hunting buddy.

[kansasdad]

This is a beautiful post for someone in my place and time of life! I am getting married in about 4 months and we plan on starting our family in the next couple of years.

Congratulations on the upcoming nuptials.

A long time ago I was challenged to tweak my thinking when during a class for new parents the teacher made an interesting statement........"You started your family when you get married. Children are a welcome addition to your family".

 

[sneakypete]

I feel our pain, but you've got to include your wife and young son in your adventures of the outdoors! Small hikes, pond or lake fishing and you'll spending time with your family! I've got kids 32,21, 12, the middle being my daughter. I took her everywhere, he'll I even took her pig hunting at about 6 or 7. Good luck , but get out there and enjoy!

 

[NoWiser]

I'm reading this thread with much interest as I just had to back out of a Wyoming antelope hunt because my wife didn't feel comfortable with me being gone so close to her due date (Nov. 16th). It's going to be a tough adjustment for me and I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to handle it. I've spoiled myself and have done a ton of hunting and fishing the last few years.

My wife's job requires her to be on call 5 or 6 days a week. This was great up until now since her being on call was a perfect time for me to go hunting. After the baby, I'll be on house arrest during that time, so even sneaking away for an hour to catch a few walleyes or shoot a few wood ducks is going to be a thing of the past. I'm super excited for my daughter to be here but I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm worried about the future. At some point she'll hopefully be a free ticket out of the house. The next few years I'll just have to suck it up, I guess!

 

[mplane72]

Everyone's situation is different but the first couple years are the hardest, then you have the second or third one and it gets harder still. To make things work both Mom and Dad need to make sacrifices but that doesn't mean you have to give up hunting. You need to plan and pick your spots. I used to hunt, and fish, each and every chance I got. Even when it wasn't really a great time or good conditions just because I wanted to be out. I learned real quick that this was not a good idea. Just a waste of time, making things harder on everyone else and doing me no good. November is still pretty much mine, that's just how things are planned out. The price that comes with that is I miss a lot of the October cold fronts that aren't in the schedule.

I'll also add this. When you have a baby it's hard. You need to be there to help that's just the way it is. Mother in laws are good for a weekend or week but that does not replace you being there. As kids get older it gets easier for one person and you build points by being that one person at times.
It seems these days kids are involved in all kinds of organized activities that take a lot of time. It's OK to miss a game once in a while. It's also Ok for a kid to miss a game to go hunting with Dad, or Mom.

 

[JLS]

Life is not set in stone, it is fluid and changes very much over the course of your time as a family. As stated above, the minute you decided to get married and have kids, you no longer are tops on the totem pole ALL of the time. Life is about compromise, and compromise comes from good communication, grace, and generosity.

My hunting style has changed a lot over the years, from day trips only (sometimes only half day trips) to now when I can take 10 days and go out of state. Only one of my three girls hunts, but that makes no difference to me. One of my biggest potential contributions to the world is the quality of children that I raise. As much as I love to hunt, their growth as human beings is what's most important. Time spent with them is irreplaceable.

Kids are an amazing gift, cherish it.

 

[Irrelevant]

Everyone's situation is different but the first couple years are the hardest, then you have the second or third one and it gets harder still.

That is very true, and for some reason not a mainstream accepted concept to talk about. I could not believe how hard that first year was... only to be topped by how hard the first year with the second one was. Thank goodness we stopped at two.

 

[JLS]

The first year with the third was tough because I kept forgetting that we didn't just have two anymore. All kidding aside , the initial adjustment is tough. Don't let anyone bullshit you.

 

[1_pointer]

I spoiled a potential great first memory for my oldest in expecting too much too soon.

It's a learning process for you as the parent more so than your kids, kids are damn tough and adaptable, it's us parents with our expectations and tempers that are the weak link.

The quote I stole from a previous post fits my experience to a T! It's less about putting miles behind you and critters on the ground. Temper your expectations and your temper. Make it fun for them and you'll have a partner for life.

I changed a bunch in how I approach trips with my kids after that first one with my oldest. Things have gotten a lot better and a lot more fun for all involved. If they get bored and want to throw rocks or bang sticks. Throw rocks and bang sticks. Once they get a bit older, let them in on some of the decision making. If they want to go left, but you "know" right is better, go left once in a while. There's nothing wrong or abnormal about how you feel, as I'm sure most dedicated hunters have/had those same feelings. Heck, I still do at times! The fact that you are open to it being an issue is a great sign. Now go have this conversation with your spouse and you'll get things figured out.

Believe me, days that produce pics like this are better than you can imagine!

 

[JEL]

I can't add much to what has already been said. It is definitely an adjustment when the little ones come along. My wife was great about letting me still have some time when they were to small to go along. She knew she would get a lot of her time when the boys got older and I started taking them with. The youngest of my 3 boys just graduated high school. It has been such a pleasure to hunt with them over the years and watch them come into their own as hunters. Heck, I have shot very little over the last several years as my boys provided plenty for the family. We have come full circle as now I hunt with them instead of them going hunting with me if that makes any sense. Last words regarding raising kids.......some of the days are long but the years are awfully short.

 

[Nemont]

As a father who has grown children I will offer to echo much of what has been said. I was in the same spot you were 25 years ago. Starting a new business, recently graduated from college, I got a later start on college due to many issues, and my wife and I just had our 2nd child. I know you won't believe me when I say this but I kind of envy you having a little one in your house. Don't get me wrong, while going through raising babies to kids, to young adults to them leaving the house was an epic journey that tested just about every aspect of my character and patience. Now that they are all three out of the house I long for the days where I could load them up and spend an "adventure" just being outside and having them with me. Trust me it goes WAY faster than you will ever imagine and hunting and fishing will always be there as pursuits you can enjoy.

My advice is to get outside with your little man and bring your wife along as well. Remember she has stress too and probably needs either time with you and your son and time away doing what ever it is she does to relieve stress. For the sake of your sanity and long term relationship with your children, slow down, get down on their level, let them be with you with when they discover how much fun it is to be outside and out in nature.

You would be amazed at what happens when you open up your time and passion to young child. Also for kids, quality time is quantity time. Yes you need some alone time but remember they need more together time.

fishing is a natural
My daughter on the left is 22 and my son on the right will turn 20 soon

Oldest daughter now age 24 now

Little brother doing the spotting

Birds are one that is fun

I have hundred of pics of my kids and I out hunting, fishing and camping. Now they are all out of the house and frankly I miss those days dearly.

 

[noharleyyet]

Now they are all out of the house and frankly I miss those days dearly.

If it helps, consider them a dress rehearsal for grandkids.

 

[LuketheDog]

here is my .02 for what it's worth. You made the choice to be a family man, so do that and do it well! Hunting and fishing is a privilege and you can do that the rest of your life, after your kids are grown. When i am not fishing or hunting, i am thinking about it or reading about it. I have a 3 year old girl and another girl on the way. My hunting and fishing has changed drastically! I let my daughter and wife dictate a joint hunt meaning if they decide at the last minute to join me, i drop every plan i have and roll with the welcome invitation. When your daughter wants to use a cheetoh to catch a fish, you put that cheetoh on the line and watch that thing intently with her or him in your case. My point is there is plenty of time to be serious about fishing and hunting, but you are also molding a young memory and an opinion on what they think they are doing (fishing or hunting). Balance is key! Be on the same page as your wife and agree on a time / length of hunt. My elk / deer hunt is 5 days instead of the 7 or 8 i took prior to kids. My wife hunts and fishes with me but nowhere near the commitment i have. My deer and elk hunts are my time to do my thing my way. It is too tough of a hunt and too big of a time investment for me to take them until my kids are old enough to chip in. The other 51 weeks of the year, i don't mind getting up an hour earlier to get things packed or stopping 3 extra times for bathroom breaks. Earn brownie points with the wife following up to the hunt. Clean the house before you leave or whatever to go the extra mile to show your wife you appreciate the sacrifice she gives while you do your passion. This are what works for me and my wife / kids. if my husband and father commitments are fullfilled, i go hunting!

this^

 

[Irrelevant]

...some of the days are long but the years are awfully short.

Thanks JEL that is a great phrase to think about on those long days.

 

[Irish52084]

I know how you feel and it can take some time to adjust to being a new dad. My son is 6 now and from the age of 1 until he was about 4 I was a single dad. I went from hunting and fishing pretty much whenever I wanted to not hunting and barely fishing until my son was 2. I was jealous of my buddies who were hunting and fishing all the time while I changed diapers and played with toy trains in my free time. I eventually changed my point of view and was able to get back to hunting and fishing again.

I was lucky that my dad had convinced me to keep applying for special draws and when I drew a tag he was there to make sure I went hunting. He helped convince me to take the time off and really hunt hard.

Flash forward a few more years and I met my wife and we had our daughter. It was a major adjustment for us both and my wife struggled with post partem depression. Long story short, we had to make some serious changes to our life and we agreed to make time for each of us to pursue our passions even if we didn't do them together. She constantly pushes me to make time to hunt and I make sure it's as easy for her while I'm gone as I can. In the end we had to have some difficult conversations and it made our relationship stronger than ever. You both have to be willing to sacrifice so you can both get what you need and want.

Eventually the kids get a bit older and they get a bit easier to care for. That certainly makes it easier to be gone for longer hunting trips. I've also found that the older my kids get the more I get satisfaction from their success and growth than my own.

Wow, that post got long in a hurry!

 

[Marshian]

There's no doubt it's extremely life changing. I have a four year old and my wife and I have been tested in many ways. I think a huge key to be being a good parent is patience, which my wife and I learned that we both are lacking. For us, we stopped at one much to the initial chagrin and ultimate acceptance of by the grandparents. Both of my brothers are younger and more recently married than me. I've let them know the pros and cons of parenthood, and not to enter into it lightly. Now that our daughter is a bit older, I find things to be a fair amount easier and incorporating her into outdoor adventures is much more enjoyable than it was when she was a baby. Good luck to you.

 

[KY Swamp Beagler]

I understand where you're coming from. My little boy is 2.5 and my time afield took a nose dive. My little lady tries to understand and is very patient when I get stressed and irritable. A few times she's told me to just take the hounds and go run them. We both agree that he will be raised in the hunting culture and specifically in the dog hunting culture as it's such a major part of my family's life.

I'm not sure what the small game tradition is in the west, but in Western Kentucky we have a very strong small game dog hunting tradition. Taking a kid on a dog hunt is a great way to get them outdoors. They don't have to be quiet, they can move around and explore and not to mention there tends to be a lot of action and in turn shooting opportunities. In our area, rabbit hunting with Beagle hounds, as well as, squirrel hunting with Feists and Cur dogs are two of the more popular past times.

Not only can a youngster enjoy the hunt, but they can interact with the dogs in the off season, too. My little boy loves to play and chase the hounds around. He also enjoys helping at feed time. I give him the feed bowls and he takes them out in the yard and sets them down where he wants. Then I give him the food and he pours it into the bowls. He sure thinks he's a big boy and his eyes light up when the pups head for their food. Sometimes little things like that can help foster or lay the foundation for the child to show more interest when it's time for them to go afield with firearm in hand.

Dad always let me pick a pup out of the litters we had when I was younger. I can remember how proud it made me feel. A saying dad always uses is "everyone wants a dog in the race." You can apply that to kids, too. They want to know they are in involved rather than just tagging along.