Not sure why I'm posting this...

[Brian in Montana]

But a co-worker of mine committed suicide on Saturday morning. It's very strange, I'd worked with him off and on for about the past 15 years but have to concede I never really knew him that well. He was a serious sort that seemed to have have a brooding streak, very competent and dedicated to what he did. Our group had a couple days of meetings last week, he sent another guy in his place saying he was having a lot of trouble with his back and couldn't travel. I emailed him on Friday just to say "feel better, bro". The next thing I found out was he shot himself in the head about 12 hours later. Hard to know how to feel. I've had some issues myself with depression and alcoholism, but when things were really circling the drain for me, it was my faith and my close relationship with my wife and kids that got me through. I guess he didn't have that, or at least didn't think he did. I've been far enough down the road with that stuff to know the isolating effect it has on a person. But I sure wish I could have seen this coming somehow, sure wish he would have just talked to somebody. It's a sick, hollow feeling. I know it's not my fault, just wish I could have helped somehow.

 

[EYJONAS!]

Brian it's a tough situation man none the less and a growing issue that even close family members don't see or recognize before it's to late. Leaving friends and family to wonder the what ifs. Don't beat yourself up buddy hug your wife and give your kids an extra kiss tonight before bed. The old saying goes one never knows what is really going on behind closed doors.

 

[MO Betta]

As you know, it can be tough to see it coming and most don't let on that they're struggling. I felt ashamed of having those thoughts and wouldn't let anyone know. We all have our demons, some just can't seem to keep fighting the battle. Sorry about your coworker, BiM.

 

[Irrelevant]

My first good friend and coworker where I currently work also committed suicide. I actually was texting with him not two hours earlier. Apparently he was bipolar and a bit of a cutter (as I learned from his parents later). I'd spend 100s of hours with this guy, both at work and not. And I never saw it coming. You're not alone. I hope in the future our society can better accept asking for help, where it's not viewed as a weakness.

 

[338 win mag]

My father took his own life almost 15 years ago. Absolutely no warning. He was the last person that any if us would have thought could have done such a thing. You're right about the depression part. You never know what's going through a person's head. My dad also suffered from severe back problems and some troubles at work but suicide was still the furthest thing from any of our minds. I heard people say that it's a selfish act and in some cases it probably is. I've also heard it put like this: that the person thinks everyone will be better off without them there, not the other way around. Either way it sucks for everybody involved. When it happened I had just turned 21. I'll turn 36 this year and there's still a big hole there - probably always will be. Glad you shared. The older I get I try not to judge peoples actions. You never know what someone's going through behind the scenes.

 

[tarheel]

One of the great mysteries of life. I've personally known 8 suicides in my years here, two were family members, two coworkers and the others were close acquaintances and they were all a surprise. It's difficult to understand how a person can mask that kind of mental despair and turmoil without giving off some kind of indication when all other emotions are usually so visible and evident.

Pray for his soul and handle it the best you can and in good time some of those emotions will fade but there will always be the wondering why.

 

[elkduds]

For most people, it feels not OK to talk about suicide. That taboo means those considering suicide often avoid sharing or asking for help. People like OP Brian and Tarheel have few places to turn when someone they care about attempts or dies by suicide, again because of the taboo.
Insert irony emoji here.
The irony is that talking about suicide is one of the most the most effective ways to deter it. Mental health professionals treating people for suicidal thoughts/actions are mostly talking w them. Don't believe the myth that asking someone if they are thinking of suicide will make them worse. It is a hard question to ask, yet it can save lives. Much information about helping someone who is considering suicide to safety is available online and through training courses. For general guidance consider looking here 1st: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/suicide/in-depth/suicide/art-20044707

When someone you know attempts or dies by suicide, then what? It is universal to wonder what you could have done, what you missed, countless other ways to feel some responsibility or guilt. Guilt and self doubt is the normal response. Self doubt and guilt are subject to the irony of taboo as well, so talking to someone who can help is worthwhile. Living with a legacy of baseless guilt because of the extreme act of a loved one is a giant and unnecessary burden. It can be so severe it causes divorce, depression, anger or anxiety, even (insert irony emoji here) thoughts of suicide.

 

[NDcoyote]

Sorry to hear of your loss Brian. A guy that recently joined our church also just committed suicide. Even though I had never had the chance to meet him, ( dont make it to church enough) I still feel quite bothered and saddened by it. It's a sadness that I cannot really even describe, just an empty sadness. I have had down times here and there but could never imagine waking up one day and saying " I'm going to end my life today ". My thoughts and prays go out all those who've had to deal with the loss of a friend, family member, or coworker from suicide.

 

[geetar]

My father took his own life almost 15 years ago. Absolutely no warning. He was the last person that any if us would have thought could have done such a thing. You're right about the depression part. You never know what's going through a person's head. My dad also suffered from severe back problems and some troubles at work but suicide was still the furthest thing from any of our minds. I heard people say that it's a selfish act and in some cases it probably is. I've also heard it put like this: that the person thinks everyone will be better off without them there, not the other way around. Either way it sucks for everybody involved. When it happened I had just turned 21. I'll turn 36 this year and there's still a big hole there - probably always will be. Glad you shared. The older I get I try not to judge peoples actions. You never know what someone's going through behind the scenes.

@338 win mag I still remember that night and the whole community hurt with you. Your dad was a respected man by many. I’m sure he’d be proud of the man you are today.

 

[geetar]

@Brian in Montana sorry for your loss. I’m not expert or anything but if you are feeling like your at the end of your rope some time don’t hesitate to shoot me a message. I’ll listen even if I don’t know you well. We are all in this life thing together.

 

[Aussie_hunter_JD]

It sucks plain and simple, I've had a mate do it. Unfortunately found by his 4 pre teen girls.

I'm open these days about my mental health issues these days. Don't go into detail about it with many people but it helps to deal with it rather than ignore.

Hunting is my meditation, literally. I feel myself physically and mentally unwinding and finding peace in the bush probably like many others. It's one thing I wish anti hunters would take the time to understand. Hunting isn't about a thrill it's pure opposite for me; call it catharsis, peace, convalescence or whatever you will.

I don't want to tangent off too much, but I believe that at our core we're still wild animals and the forced domestication of contemporary society is as maddening and detrimental to our health as it is to a zoo animal pacing up and down an enclosure. I sit at a desk 8 hours a day and it is very obviously not good for me. Give me grandiose vista's, fauna and flora and no incling of the hand of man.

 

[oleefish2]

When worked with high school students one of my duty's was to help with a suicide prevention and warning signs. It was very difficult topic in general and having had a son-in-law kill himself, sometimes struggled with the topic. All I can say is become a great listener to anyone that is struggling.

 

[rjthehunter]

Don't blame yourself or feel like you should've/could've done something Brian. Sometimes you never know what's going on with someone because they put up such a good barrier. Like @geetar said, we're all in this life together. I wish people didn't think that taking their own life was an escape from it. It's kind of selfish because they end their pain but stick an knife in everyone else's back.

 

[Deleted member 20812]

Don’t try to make sense of it. Don’t think you were to blame. Depression is a dark place. Both of my parents committed suicide, and it is a monumental task to overcome what that does to the people left behind, but it’s not insurmountable. Learn to forgive them and empathize with the demons they lived with.

 

[LuketheDog]

@Brian in Montana, often there is no more you could have done, it's just too far outside the realm of saying "feel better" and whatever was up with him went much deeper than you know. A guy whose family I was close to, and who I worked for after college for several years, lost a lot of money (his own and his investors') in real estate when the market crashed, and months later decided to end his own life. There were no real warning signs, no threats, maybe some mild outward depression, and dozens of friends and family members working to pull him out of the financial hole, but he just decided that was the answer to his situation. Like you, we all wondered why he couldn't just talk to somebody, but with suicide there are typically far more questions left behind than answers. It's a crummy experience for sure, but if your coworker left family maybe there is something you could do for them that would give you a little peace on your end. And go hug your wife and kids...

 

[338 win mag]

@338 win mag I still remember that night and the whole community hurt with you. Your dad was a respected man by many. I’m sure he’d be proud of the man you are today.

Thanks man that means a lot!

 

[Jape]

I’m sorry Brian. It’s such an empty helpless feeling and I hope you find the healing and hope that will lessen your loss. I’ve had several friends and family commit suicide and it’s never easy.

 

[dcopas78]

I've had a few family members and friends commit suicide, never expected any of them. Sorry to hear about your friend/coworker.

 

[jt13]

Stay strong.

I'll just leave you with the advice that resonated with me when my father committed suicide on what will be 3 years ago this Friday.

"Do not let this define you."

 

[noharleyyet]

Suicide in the U.S.
33%
The increase in the rate of suicides from 1999 through 2017
2nd
Suicide ranks as the second leading cause of death for 10- to 34-year-olds and the fourth leading cause of death for people ages 35 to 54
10th
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death overall

Worrying trends in U.S. suicide rates

U.S. suicide rates have risen in recent years.

www.apa.org