Nope no pregnancy (thank goodness). What I have been doing the last year was far more interesting though. Let’s see in the last year alone I:
- Learned to play poker at 2 in the morning with a former meth addict, a homeless activist, two former dot com millionaires and a famous chef/boy genius from Napa valley.
- Impersonated a police officer 3 (no wait) 4 times and a federal agent once.
- Casually chatted with gang members cuffed in the back seat of a police cruiser.
- Helped evacuate southern California wildfire victims.
- Attempted to help evacuate wildfire victims in Idaho 4 times. Idahoans are tough self-sufficient buggars though and wanted none of it for three of those.
-Was mistaken for a hooker and propositioned by a John (seriously I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt and tennis shoes for crying out loud). PS I was on a cell phone call with my boss when it happened so...bonus points.
- Got my chest signed by a rock drummer (that was the tamest thing that happened that night). Mmmm really good night.
- Crashed a full sized commercial airplane and got to hang out with Homeland Security and the FBI as a result. (Long story)
- Got stuck to a sidewalk at 3 AM when my boots instantly froze to it from the water overflow from a housefire (not my house).
- Carried (successfully) 4 weapons (including pepper spray) through airport security and onto a plane without TSA knowing about it.
- Rafted the Colorado river .
- Rocked out to Korn in 113 deg. weather while bonfires raged inside the amphitheater.
- Interviewed the inhabitants of an apartment complex all of whom were convicted felons (mostly child molesters).
- Got to be friends with a local radio DJ gaining me some incredible VIP access (way cool stories I can’t even begin to relate here).
- Accidently ended up in the middle of a gay pride gathering and had a ball!
- Visited Cheyenne Mountain (If I tell you any more about that I’d have to kill you).
- Smoked a “water pipe” for the first time. We’ll just call it a water pipe OK?
- Traveled offroad in both the Utah desert and up an impassable mountain road in the Rockies with nothing but a (non-4WD) sedan. (For the latter thank god for rentals).
- Raced in and won an “Amazing Race” type contest.
- Was introduced to opera by a drop dead gorgeous tenor. Mmmm James.
- Spent a week in a resort frequented by presidents in tony Beaver Creek , Colorado . Then turned around and slept on the floor several days with 4 other people in a damp life guard shack in a run down low rent town in California .
- Frolicked in the middle of a herd of live elk.
- Had my heart severely broken at least twice.
- Learned to roll sushi
- Got my very own stalker complete with 3 punctured tires. Blech. |oo
- Walked through more burned out houses and apartments than I can count.
- Made out on the back of a motorcycle.
- Seriously pissed off a known drug dealer (no I don't do drugs, so not my dealer).
- Ran away from home for a while.
And every one of the above statements is completely true and absolutely happened....more or less.
I have photographic proof for most of it. It was a weird year.
..I thought you got pregnant or something.... Glad to have you aroundhump
