There was a joke floating around several years ago that I can't find now. To paraphrase:
In order to settle once and for all the debate as to whether beef or antelope makes better table fare, a rigorously controlled experiment was conducted. A trophy beef bull was selected for the experiment. His breeding was unknown as were his feeding habits, but he sported some truly impressive horns. To recreate field conditions as closely as possible, two researchers were placed in the back of a pickup while a third served as driver. Upon approaching the bull, the researchers in the back of the truck began firing magnum rifles in the general vicinity of the bull, causing him to vacate the location with great haste. At this time, the driver pursued the bull at the top speed he could achieve without ejecting the researchers he was transporting. Several times the vehicle approached the bull and the researchers would take aim from the moving truck. Accurate shot placement was not necessary as the researchers were both equipped with magnum rifles.
Eventually the bull was brought down and congratulations exchanged. Several photographs were taken and the researchers then climbed a small nearby in an attempt to send the photographic evidence to other researchers. Once the experiment was properly documented, the researchers returned to the downed bull and determined that they would need additional assistance in loading it into the back of the research truck. After again climbing the nearby hill, additional researchers were called. After several hours, reinforcements arrived and the team began gutting the animal. At that time, it became apparent that one of the shots had pierced the animal's digestive tract. It was determined by all present that rinsing the body cavity with beer would resolve any issues, as the alcohol would kill any pathogens. Luckily, despite waiting in the sun for help to arrive, the researchers still had a few remaining beers.
After the animal was loaded into the truck, a public outreach program was implemented, with the researchers taking the bull by various gas stations, feed stores, and taverns to let the public know the type of research they were doing and garner support in the community. To generate good will, the researchers consumed numerous beers during the outreach program and elected to wait until the next morning to complete the skinning and cleaning of the animal. Everyone agreed that despite temperatures in the 70s and 80s, the bull would be fine because it was rinsed with beer.
The next morning, the bull was hoisted up for butchering. As the animal was disarticulated, each piece was placed on a make-shift plywood table that had been prepared by rubbing vigorously with a push broom for a few seconds to remove the remnants of last years' experiments. To achieve the greatest number of steaks for the experiment a saw was used to cut each section, without regard for muscle direction or the presence of bone. Using this method, the researchers were able to convert nearly the entire carcass into steaks ranging from 1/3" to 3" thick. Many were tapered, allowing for a variety of thickness for the eater. During the butchering process, every effort was made to prevent the present dogs from licking and/or sampling the carcass. As a result, the animals were only able to taste the bull a few times, that were documented. A charcoal grill was prepared in the customary manner of pouring approximately half a bag of charcoal into the grill, and then covering with one bottle of lighter fluid. Once the flames had receded to a level of 3-4 inches above the top of the grill, the grill grate was positioned. Special care was taken to preserve the "extra flavor" on the grate from previous grilling experiments.
The grill was filled with as many steaks as could possibly fit, in an entirely random order to preserve the integrity of the experiment. A liberal sprinkling of a seasoning blend* developed specifically for this experiment was applied to each steak. After several minutes, the meat was flipped and pressed hard into the grate, to achieve acceptable grill marks. After each time a steak was flipped, some beer was poured over the meat. Though none of the researchers could articulate exactly why this was done, all agreed it was necessary to achieve the best results. About half way through the cooking time, it was discovered that the coals were beginning to die out, and an additional 1/2 bottle of lighter fluid was applied. Finally, when the head researcher determined that it was time to eat, the meat was piled high on the butchering table. Upon tasting their efforts, each researcher agreed, "Yep, tastes just like antelope".
*A heated debate broke out between researchers regarding the use of Tony Chachere's seasoning vs Old Bay. After several anatomical impossibilities were suggested as recreational activities for one researcher's mother, it was determined that the team would blend the two.
