Dad Joke thread

[MarvB]

Woman known as the “First lady of Texas” was Ima Hogg... has a park near Houston

 

[grizzly_]

Pronounced "Richard Inaway"

Richard Inouye

Vice Provost of Graduate Studies Email: [email protected] Office Phone: (435) 797-3981 Dr. Inouye earned a B.A. degree (1975, Biology) from Reed College and a Ph.D. (1982, Ecology and Evolutionary Biology) from the University of Arizona, under the direction of Dr. James H. Brown. During...

research.usu.edu

 

[Southern Elk]

This guy cracks me up.

 

[Jbotto]

I use these all in a row when I get the opportunity. Usually has everyone within earshot rolling their eyes.

What do you call a cow with two
legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing, cuz he won’t come anyways.

 

[noharleyyet]

High school gym teacher was Richard Pump.

 

[noharleyyet]

The owner of Ikea became the Prime Minister of Sweden last week.

He's still trying to assemble his cabinet.

 

[FeartheTurtle]

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A smoothie maker.

A salad shooter.

 

[2rocky]

 

[noharleyyet]

@DouglasR ...don't repeat this one to your Tinder date.

Why is every Chief Gender Equality Officer female?


They’re cheaper.

 

[noharleyyet]

I don’t know why, but every June 1st I feel dismayed.

 

[Festus]

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

 

[Sawtooth]

My boss asked why I only get sick on week days, I told him it is because I have a weekend immune system.

 

[Sawtooth]

I went to a silent auction, I got a dog whistle and two mimes.

I went shopping at a cherry stand and a microphone store. Bought a Bing, bought a Boom.

 

[2rocky]

This morning I picked up the end of an old lariat where I'd cut off the Matthew Walker knot to braid a lead rope .



I said to my lady "Do you think this little piece identifies as a Rope?

She said "Well Yes!"

I held it up to my ear.

She said "is it talking to you?"

I nodded my head.

She rolled her eyes and said "What is it saying?"

I relayed it to her in a hushed whisper......


"I'm afraid not" (frayed knot)

 

[SC Living Outdoors]

I couldn't stand to be in a wheelchair.

 

[kansasdad]

 

[kansasdad]

 

[kansasdad]

 

[WyoDoug]

 

[kansasdad]