Before I left for my midwest whitetail trip, I asked the wife for a list to do some Christmas shopping before I leave. "No need," she replies. "Were not doing gifts this year."
Cool, one less thing I gotta do before I head out for a few weeks. I know, you guys who have been married for a while are saying, "Come on Fin, you know better than to fall for that chit." You're right, I knew better, but I was focused on hunting.
Well, I get home over the weekend, and she starts talking about gift stuff. I remind her we decided on no gifts this year. She says nothing.
I come home for lunch today, and looks like Santa's sleigh broke down at my house. I glance at the pile of packages and mumble, "Uh Honey, what about our no gift deal?"
"Well, I knew there were a few things you probably wanted, so I picked them up while I was at Bass Pro in Vegas." This is wife speak for - "I spent too much money while in Vegas, and this is a balancing of the ledger."
Now I am screwed. I cancel my after-lunch appointment. Run down Main Street, thinking there must be something I can find that will save me from "Husband Hell." I can't find anything that she doesn't already have, or that she wants. Go to the mall - same result.
So, I race home and conspire with son who has come home for Christmas. He assures me that women are more concerned with effort and thoughtfulness. Yeah, like he would know? A college freshman's idea of thoughtfulness extends as far as, "If were gonna french kiss, at least drink a beer I like."
In my attempt at thoughtfulness, I create my own mushy Christmas Card from scratch. I print off a coupon for each of her favorite eating places. In the card, I commit that I will take her on twelve dates this year. One for each of the twleve days of Christmas. I have provided a calendar showing the dates that are blocked out (for hunting, but I'm not telling her that). Looks like I will have twleve hot dates crammed into April and June.
I am quite nervous, knowing the state of my marital bliss hangs in the balance. The odds of my marriage dissolving due to her changing her mind about gifts and leaving me in a last minute lurch, are probably better than 50/50.
Anyone married for twenty years, as I have been, knows when a wife says, "I don't want anything." you had better find something. For all of you single guys, this is a prime example of wife speak. They never say what they mean, and fair or not, you are at the mercy of what they really meant. Mind reading skills come in real handy.
I am fugged. Yup, my hunting is toast. |oo|oo|oo
Oh, gotta run, she is calling for me after hanging the ceremonial mistletoe. Wish me luck.
Cool, one less thing I gotta do before I head out for a few weeks. I know, you guys who have been married for a while are saying, "Come on Fin, you know better than to fall for that chit." You're right, I knew better, but I was focused on hunting.
Well, I get home over the weekend, and she starts talking about gift stuff. I remind her we decided on no gifts this year. She says nothing.
I come home for lunch today, and looks like Santa's sleigh broke down at my house. I glance at the pile of packages and mumble, "Uh Honey, what about our no gift deal?"
"Well, I knew there were a few things you probably wanted, so I picked them up while I was at Bass Pro in Vegas." This is wife speak for - "I spent too much money while in Vegas, and this is a balancing of the ledger."
Now I am screwed. I cancel my after-lunch appointment. Run down Main Street, thinking there must be something I can find that will save me from "Husband Hell." I can't find anything that she doesn't already have, or that she wants. Go to the mall - same result.
So, I race home and conspire with son who has come home for Christmas. He assures me that women are more concerned with effort and thoughtfulness. Yeah, like he would know? A college freshman's idea of thoughtfulness extends as far as, "If were gonna french kiss, at least drink a beer I like."
In my attempt at thoughtfulness, I create my own mushy Christmas Card from scratch. I print off a coupon for each of her favorite eating places. In the card, I commit that I will take her on twelve dates this year. One for each of the twleve days of Christmas. I have provided a calendar showing the dates that are blocked out (for hunting, but I'm not telling her that). Looks like I will have twleve hot dates crammed into April and June.
I am quite nervous, knowing the state of my marital bliss hangs in the balance. The odds of my marriage dissolving due to her changing her mind about gifts and leaving me in a last minute lurch, are probably better than 50/50.
Anyone married for twenty years, as I have been, knows when a wife says, "I don't want anything." you had better find something. For all of you single guys, this is a prime example of wife speak. They never say what they mean, and fair or not, you are at the mercy of what they really meant. Mind reading skills come in real handy.
I am fugged. Yup, my hunting is toast. |oo|oo|oo
Oh, gotta run, she is calling for me after hanging the ceremonial mistletoe. Wish me luck.
