AITA (Am i the @$$hole)?

Marshian

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Indeterminate
When the rubber finally had to hit the road, and me accept the new job and quit my old one, I couldn’t leave Montana. I just love it and my job too much. Not that I don’t love my wife, but I feel I’ve been accommodating enough. So temporarily at least, it’s not “Happy wife, happy life” cuz right now she’s not happy. I love her and will definitely leave if she is wants to and is still with me when our daughter graduates. But since I’m in the prime of my career and putting her through private school and saving for her college, and our family’s home and retirement, I couldn’t take a lesser job knowing how miserable it would be. In a way, I’m quite at peace now. The huge move idea was tearing me apart, and may I am selfish or the a$$hole but sometimes you gotta follow your heart and inner voice. So Montana is home for at least another 8-9 years.
 

VikingsGuy

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Aug 2, 2017
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I didn't read the whole thread, but the part I did read left me wondering, "what is best for your daughter". I get it, you want one thing, your wife wants another, you made a promise, you've done alot, etc etc. That really doesn't mean anything to me until your daughter is out of college and launches her own life.

You and your wife should be focusing more on what is best for your daughter - (and $$ for college should not be a placeholder for her happiness and joy). Ten years ago I gave up a job opportunity that had a chance to let me retire at 50 with more than I could ask for if it hit - and with hindsight, it hit far bigger than we could have ever imagined - I am talking private island kind of hit. But it was the wrong move for our two kids at that time - I have zero regrets. I would do it again with full knowledge of the outcome. I don't work to maximize salary, I don't work for my own enjoyment, I don't work for titles - I work to ensure the joy and success (however they define that) of my children.
 

OntarioHunter

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Sep 11, 2020
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Edit: Looks like I must have misread the initial post? I guess you can disregard everything but first paragraph.

You are a medical professional and know the importance of professional advice. I suggest you take your wife by the hand and the two of you go to a counselor. Or maybe you should go first and see what happens.

Personally, I think relocating to the place with better hunting is overrated. I go back "home" to Montana to hunt every year but I wouldn't move back there. It's being wrecked at warp speed by transplants and I just couldn't bear to be a part of that. Since 1989 I have lived in a city of 110,000 (formerly closer to 130K) and do fine with it. Not in the burbs but in the city. I am fine with traveling long distance to work (before I retired), hunt, and fish. My late wife was very supportive. She loved seeing the one she loved be happy. However, back in those days our phone bill was often $300+ per month (and I didn't earn a physician's wage!).

I lost my wife and 14 year-old son within ten months back in 2010. I have another daughter in her forties living in Baltimore who I've only seen three times since she was twelve when my first wife took off with her. I wouldn't wish that kind of heartache on my worst enemy. I have some fabulous trophies on the wall (and eight more on their way here from Africa as I write this) but I would trade them all in a heartbeat to have my family back. I can't believe you would actually contemplate giving up your wife and little girl for hunting. But that's just me.

Have you thought about temporarily loaning yourself to medical facilities in places you'd like to hunt/fish? I have an optometrist friend in Montana who usually leaves his practice every year for a month or two to help out in a community on the Alaska panhandle.
 
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