enraeh
New member
Rules to Enter Texas: Applies to each person as they enter Texas.
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up and get a belt. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's why they smell like that to you.
They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10
go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton
strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's
available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of
age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you
can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante
Sauce! ; !Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call
that stuff you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in
San Antonio.... and real chili never met a tomato, or beans for that
matter! get them beans outta here!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas. They
come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and
they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than
any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas," If you do, you will get
whipped by the best.
17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:
"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States
can't make it without Texas!"
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up and get a belt. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's why they smell like that to you.
They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10
go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton
strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's
available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of
age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you
can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante
Sauce! ; !Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call
that stuff you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in
San Antonio.... and real chili never met a tomato, or beans for that
matter! get them beans outta here!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers
and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas. They
come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and
they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than
any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas," If you do, you will get
whipped by the best.
17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said:
"Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States
can't make it without Texas!"
