> INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD
>
> 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
> 2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the
> following circumstances:
> a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
> b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
> c. After wrecking your boss' car.
> d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37seconds into "The Crying Game".
> e. When she is using her teeth.
>
> 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party maybe
> legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
> 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail
> a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
> 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister
> is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
> 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge
> is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature
> is unsuitable.
> 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present
> for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
> strictly optional.
> 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit
> stops, not the weakest.
> 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event,
> you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
> who's playing.
> 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you
> have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for
> the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
> girlfriend.
> 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink
only when
> you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
> model and only when it's free.
> 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are
> you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
> 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
> 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Issue closed.
> 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't
> see anything.
> 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must
be treated
> as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability
> to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
> 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
> must remain sober enough to fight.
> 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
> of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
> 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better
> be talking about his choice of beer.
> 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a
friend of
> yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
> 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man
while lifting
> weights:
> Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
> Another set and we can hit the showers!
> 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on
> equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For
all
> other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation
> you need.
> 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go
> on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by
> the phone. Hang up if necessary.
> 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just
> a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're
> feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other
> again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
> 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is
> not acceptable for her to drive yours.
> 26: Thou shall not buy a car (or shirt) in the colors of brown,
> pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
> 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want
> for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets
> an Xbox. End of story.
> 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or
> Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
> We hope this clears up any confusion.
>
> 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
> 2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the
> following circumstances:
> a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
> b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
> c. After wrecking your boss' car.
> d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37seconds into "The Crying Game".
> e. When she is using her teeth.
>
> 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party maybe
> legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
> 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail
> a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
> 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister
> is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
> 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge
> is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature
> is unsuitable.
> 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present
> for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
> strictly optional.
> 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit
> stops, not the weakest.
> 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event,
> you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
> who's playing.
> 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you
> have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for
> the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
> girlfriend.
> 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink
only when
> you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
> model and only when it's free.
> 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are
> you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
> 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
> 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Issue closed.
> 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't
> see anything.
> 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must
be treated
> as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability
> to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
> 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
> must remain sober enough to fight.
> 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
> of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
> 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better
> be talking about his choice of beer.
> 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a
friend of
> yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
> 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man
while lifting
> weights:
> Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
> Another set and we can hit the showers!
> 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on
> equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For
all
> other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation
> you need.
> 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go
> on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by
> the phone. Hang up if necessary.
> 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just
> a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're
> feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other
> again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
> 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is
> not acceptable for her to drive yours.
> 26: Thou shall not buy a car (or shirt) in the colors of brown,
> pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
> 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want
> for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets
> an Xbox. End of story.
> 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or
> Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
> We hope this clears up any confusion.
