Project out of control

[Recurve62]

So, this spring my wife and I were tossing arround the idea of maybe some paint and new shower doors in the upstairs bathroom and I was thinking "sure Honey, great project for a winter weekend when all my playing is over for the year." Anyhow, her brother is up from Florida for the July holidays week and next thing you know I'm turning a spare bedroom into a master bath, moving the existing bath five feet into the old room and moving the hallway to accomodate a doorway into the game room to turn it into the new spare bedroom. Twenty five years of marriage and I still can't figure out how they hold this sway over our time. The old bedroom is gutted, wall is up, shower roughed in and started plumbing rough-in yesterday......cut last hole in floor and DAMN!!!!!,,, yellow jackets nest in the floor coming in from vent for downstairs bath, so after a solid dusting of Sevin we'll see. Anyhow wish me luck, gotta go pound nails. Just needed to whine to someone. Man, I just wanna hunt.

 

[Recurve62]

Did I put this in the wrong forum?

 

[Big Fin]

Here is how you get out of that for the rest of your marriage. Best if you can do this very early in your marriage, as if you tried to impress her at times and completed some serious handy many projects, the tactic I will explain below will have limited impact on her.

Wait until your wife wants some handyman task done really bad. Don't do it right away, rather make her ask your about four or five times. Make it something rather simple, yet important to her. Let's use the light switch in the entry way that seems to be fickle, as the project in question for this example.

Then, pretend to argue with her so as to make it seem like this is a big request. In a big huff, go buy ten times the amount of tools you really need, stating these are required to fix it. This is a good time to thrown in the air compressor and power washer that you really wanted. If you are really good, you can also hide a gun safe purchase in the mix of that long list of things you bought.

Then, come home, act like you are the next Bob Villa. Tear a hole in the wall big enough for a new doorway. You gotta cuss a lot; and really loud. Maybe even get a little blood on your finger. When you have blood to show for your efforts, women think you are really trying hard.

Make lots of noise. Hit and drop a few things, so she knows you are really getting after it. When she occassionally comes in to see if you are OK, or asks if she can help, run her off like she is Dennis the Menace. The last things you want is her input and instruction during a golden opportunity such as this.

Then rewire it so the damn thing never works, let alone works sporadically like it did before you started.

Now, patch up the wall in some hillbilly manner that looks atrocious. Texture that part of the wall, even if the existing part of the wall is smooth finish. Paint it some color that is close to, but clashes heavily, with the existing paint.

When done, come and ask her to inspect your handy work. Act proud as hell in your talents. You gotta be able to hold a straight face as you see her almost cry at what you have done to her entry way.

You have to act very bold and proud of your work at this time. Go to the fridge, crack open a beer, and once you lean back in the recliner, ask her what else she needs done, now that you are in the handy man mood.

She will look at the mess you created, quickly total the tab you tallied up down at Lowe's, and she will excuse you from any more projects for that week. The response to your request will go something like this, "Oh honey, you should just watch the football game today. You worked so hard. What can I cook you for dinner?"

That night while laying next to each other in bed, she will mention that she has been thinking about a complete remodel of the entry way. She just won't have the heart to tell you that you completely destroyed her entryway and that everyone who walks in the house is now going to give her a strange look. Getting this fixed will require immediate attention in her mind. She doesn't want to confess to you that her idea to have you fix it was not only a construction disaster, but a financial calamity that would have been much easier solved by calling someone in the Yellow Pages.

The next morning, she will ask if you know of any good carpenters. She will say something to the effect that you should go hunting/fishing next week while she hires some one to remodel the entry way.

It works really good, so long as you have not shown her amazing handy man talents prior to this even. She will have sticky notes in the Yellow Pages for every handy man service you can think of. Electricians, carpenters, septic services, painters, landscapers, you name it. Your summer days will be fishing, will fall filled with hunting and football.

Your only downfall could be if she decides that since she lacks a handy man husband, she will be the handy woman wife. She then will lead the effort and employ you to hold the tools she is employing. This is the once place this tactic could blow up in your face. To prevent this problem, as soon as she even whispers such stupid ideas, offer to take her to Vegas for a week. She will forget the idea of being a handy woman.

I had a lawn mowing business as a teenager. I vowed that someday I would either own a concrete lawn or I would hire someone to mow my lawn. Since I never had a concrete lawn, I had to use a similar tactic in my first attempts to mow the lawn. First day I mowed over the flower bed, hit the pea patch with the weed whacker, and sprayed some weed killer on her rose bushes. I got a serious lecture, but was never asked to be the lawn care guy, ever again. In the summer, I now fish, I don't do lawns.

Never let your handyman skills be known. Do not employ yourself in one of the construction trades. You will never have a spare day. Women and their houses are never in a final satisfied state of completion. So long as she thinks you have the talent, you will be hounded relentlessly to repair and improve the state of your dwelling. You must put a stop to such thinking, and do so in dramatic fashion. The sooner you do it, the better your marriage will be.

It helps if you have some male family members who occasionally stop by and belittle your talents in front of your wife. When my brother stated, "I wouldn't let Randy work with Lincoln Logs, let alone lift a hammer in my house." it goes a long ways to increasing your hunting and fishing freedoms. You gotta have a few family or friends who can be bribed to help you in that effort.

If you are really good at showing her your complete lack of handy man skills, she might suggest you start an outdoor TV show. Whatever you do, don't ever, I mean never, let her think you can do any of these handyman kind of things. It might allow you to thump your chest that you are a handyman, but your hunting will be severely compromised.

There are handy husbands who are always busy with projects and their are unhandy husbands who hunt as much as they want, but there are no handy husbands that are free to hunt as they please. Ask any handy husband and he will agree.

No charge to you young fellas for that advice.

Good luck. I think I will head out to the river and do a little fishing this afternoon.

 

[steamfitter]

Big finn,that is an awesome strategy I messed up early in and built my wife a house cause didn't have money to hire it out. Yet it burnt down within six months due to a faulty chimney which I did hire out because I refuse to do masonry. My strategy now is just go fishing and deal with the nagging and handle that by going hunting cant hear nagging if you are in the woods.

 

[A-con]

Big Fin nailed it, and during this process you end up with a bunch of cool, expensive new tools to do stuff you really want to do.
My wife once wanted me to replace the flooring in the kitchen. I now own a nice table saw, drill press and a complete new set of nice hand tools, and the flooring never got changed.
My kid has a tree house, our above ground pool has a stair case, my gun safe has a home made custom interior, but the same old kitchen floor.

 

[sweetnectar]

Now that is some good advice!

 

[BirdDogWebb]

That is good advice Big Fin. ( does Ms. Fin ever read this stuff? I hope not for you sake!). I wish I would have done the same about 20 something years ago, any way to late to look back now.....as they say "A happy wife is a happy life" ........divorced her 11 years ago and been happy ever since! bahaha!

Good Luck Recurve!!!

 

[bennett454]

Great advice big fin

I have two patches in the dry wall I never completed that I started two years ago every time she mentions finishing it i mention all the dust it will create Dishes is another problem break a few of her prized champane glasses and your as good as golden

 

[cornfed]

Thats darn good advice be it all to late for me. Thats exactly the reason I've only fished three times this year.

 

[idnative1948]

And why I have fished zero after having tied up a bunch of flies this past winter.

I still have the makings of a bathroom makeover sitting in MY half of the garage, short of new shower door and or what is supposed to go on the walls. Now she is saying WE are too busy and will have to wait for fall. My thinking is, take a day off work without letting her know and just gut the thing and she WILL be making a decision in short order.
Granted we have been dealing with a medical issue since LAST fall (not mine) and have just had to deal with it.Plus, kids and grand kids come first for us.

Thats darn good advice be it all to late for me. Thats exactly the reason I've only fished three times this year.

 

[ID_deerslayer]

I got a good laugh out of Fin's response, as I prepare to be wed in early september and need to employ these skills for my new bride! unfortunately I have already exhibited my handy skills for her by building a refurbished barn wood headboard last fall. However I do plan to use my skills as a bargaining tool for new hunting gear, guns, trips, tools, etc. She gets something built or fixed for her and I get to do something I want in return.

 

[A-con]

unfortunately I have already exhibited my handy skills for her by building a refurbished barn wood headboard last fall. .

It's a well known fact that skills like these diminish after marriage.

 

[RobG]

It's a well known fact that skills like these diminish after marriage.

Yeah, I bet she loses certain skills at the same rate. I am of course referring to my wife's sudden inability to tie flies after we were married.

 

[Big Fin]

...... as I prepare to be wed in early september and need to employ these skills for my new bride! ........

Oh no! Marriage mistake of the highest degree.

I was just having this guidance session with a young guy yesterday. He is getting married the first week of September. Ask any elk hunter who got married in September and he will tell you it was a mistake; a huge mistake.

You have to renegotiate this one. Really, I am not kidding. Your September vacation days will be used for anniversary trips, leaving you no time for bugling elk. Anniversaries deserve vacations days to be allocated, which is why you never, I mean under no circumstance, not even for fortune or fame, get married between August 15th and the end of November.

I got married in February - no hunting or fishing to be disrupted and it is just a few days before Valentines Day. One of the best ideas I ever conjured up, other than convincing that amazing woman to marry me in the first place. You can't go wrong with February. Every anniversary you can take her to some warm tropical paradise, rather than pay some Queen's ransom to pry loose for a day or two of elk hunting.

Take no offense on this 'slayer. Just looking at the long-term interest of marital harmony with the wonderful woman who has captured your soul. Better to get married in February or March and live peacefully by having no scheduled commitments in September, rather than find a great woman who is going to ask, as any reasonable woman would, that you give your anniversary highest priority in September, even if it imposes on your elk hunting.

I only know one guy with a September anniversary who gets to hunt. All the rest have sold their bows and bought golf clubs. When the time comes, list your archery gear here at the Free Classifieds section.

Come on guys, chime in here and help ID_Deerslayer. Don't let another one of ranks make this mistake.

 

[RobG]

Oh no! Marriage mistake of the highest degree.

I was just having this guidance session with a young guy yesterday. He is getting married the first week of September. Ask any elk hunter who got married in September and he will tell you it was a mistake; a huge mistake.

LOL, he better get a pre-nup.

 

[noharleyyet]

..perspective.

Dear Abby,
I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home, but she always comes walking up the drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving, around the corner, as if she has gotten out and walked the rest of the way. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi at all?

I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it was. This caused her to go completely berserk. She quickly snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should never touch her personal property, then accused me of trying to spy on her.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson Lowrider next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the street around the corner when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my motorcycle that I noticed a small amount of motor oil leaking through the gasket between the rear head and rocker arm cover.

So...is this something I can easily repair myself or do you think I should take it back to the dealer?

 

[spook12]

Slayer, dude a September wedding? That one's gonna haunt you man.

I guess I'll admit to being more deceitful than Big Fin. Listen up young guys,If you don't want to be doing these ''Honey do's'' around the house................Get in the building trades. My wife knows there's zero chance of getting me to do around our house in my off time what I do during the day for a living.

The Bakers wife never has bread,the Butchers wife never has meat.

 

[havgunwilltravel]

Some pearls of wisdom coming out here..all very true and relevant to a guy
who likes to hunt and fish without constraints from the home front!

Marriage in September...omg marriage is your first mistake, second is that it's
anywhere near hunting season..did your future wife pick the dates?? They always
have alterior motives for everything they do..

All the best deers layer..

 

[whyelkhunt]

Nice, Does anyone care what Red Green thinks about this subject?

 

[Hof]

I have a buddy that let his wife talk him into getting married in August.... hasn't bow hunted in 15 years. Poor bastard hunts elk with a muzzle loader now. No marriage is worth giving up that much!! lol