Quick Draw

New member
May 20, 2001
Who says cops don't have a sense of humor?
The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."
Quick Draw


Dec 17, 2000
Bountiful, Utah
I actually used the "warning" one before. It is amazing on how many people asked about getting off on a warning. If they asked, I never gave them one.