Bad cooks in the family?

[MThuntr]

All this talk about food had me thinking. I bet everyone has that family member that has no business cooking meals.
I have 3 in my immediate family and 1 extended member.

VIOLATORS
Mom: miracle whip, all meat MUST be well done in fact cook it dry, grey meat crockpot cooking with mushy carrots, simultaneously under and overcooked a turkey, no chicken not even soup form, puts knives and non-stick in dishwasher, salt is spicy

Dad (posthumously): crumbled chips on questionable casserole like item...actually bonus points for creativity but overuse of cream of mushroom soup, Italian dressing marinade, fan of rapid cooking (ribs dry and chewy, prime rib blackened, steaks well, pork chop pucks), canned meat products causing gout, garbage knives and sharpener from infomercials

Sister: vegetarian, makes 80lbs of veggie tray and a gallon of terrible sour cream based dip but nobody eats it, vegetarian concoctions using expensive ingredients using complicated processes that almost always taste the same either too salty spicy or garlicky, buys cheeses of questionable flavor combos in large quantities.

Grandma (mom's mom): overcooked everything...prime rib brown to the center, pork loin drier than the Atacama, turkey inedible without gravy, gravy is greasy

I'm sure I'll think of more but who shouldn't be allowed near the kitchen in your family?

 

[Nick87]

All this talk about food had me thinking. I bet everyone has that family member that has no business cooking meals.
I have 3 in my immediate family and 1 extended member.

VIOLATORS
Mom: miracle whip, all meat MUST be well done in fact cook it dry, grey meat crockpot cooking with mushy carrots, simultaneously under and overcooked a turkey, no chicken not even soup form, puts knives and non-stick in dishwasher, salt is spicy

Dad (posthumously): crumbled chips on questionable casserole like item...actually bonus points for creativity but overuse of cream of mushroom soup, Italian dressing marinade, fan of rapid cooking (ribs dry and chewy, prime rib blackened, steaks well, pork chop pucks), canned meat products causing gout, garbage knives and sharpener from infomercials

Sister: vegetarian, makes 80lbs of veggie tray and a gallon of terrible sour cream based dip but nobody eats it, vegetarian concoctions using expensive ingredients using complicated processes that almost always taste the same either too salty spicy or garlicky, buys cheeses of questionable flavor combos in large quantities.

Grandma (mom's mom): overcooked everything...prime rib brown to the center, pork loin drier than the Atacama, turkey inedible without gravy, gravy is greasy

I'm sure I'll think of more but who shouldn't be allowed near the kitchen in your family?

I hope your doing the cooking at your family gathering.

Can't really think of one off the top of my head. All good cooks and my weight shows it lately.

 

[MThuntr]

I hope your doing the cooking at your family gathering.

I'm not allowed to since my food is "undercooked".

 

[Nick87]

I'm not allowed to since my food is "undercooked".

I feel your pain.

 

[David58]

I used to be forbidden to use the grill. My wife has relented since I went the thermometer route.

David
NM

 

[Nameless Range]

Canned meats? Chips crumbled on a casserole? Sounds like I would’ve liked to have eaten your father‘s visionary cooking.

Here’s a meatloaf casserole I made for the kids a few years back.



I grew up in a house of good cooks, and so I guess I am probably the one they would describe as he who puts too much grease on everything and tries to get fancy with cheap pretzels.

 

[Schaaf]

My dad’s never cooked a medium rare chunk of meat in his life. Even on accident.

It’s quite impressive, actually.

 

[mtmuley]

Deep fry everything. My go to. mtmuley

 

[steveshuntn1]

I’m glad she doesn’t look at this forum but it’s my wife. Her mother can’t…everything is greasy and usually cold. Her sister doesn’t even try. She tries and we eat whatever she makes but it’s either with too much seasoning or non at all.

 

[RobertD]

I just have this one aunt who makes lasagna any time there's more than three relatives within a 5 mile radius of her kitchen. She's done it so long that time and lack of protest have convinced her she's the custodian of a precious family tradition. Too bad she never learned how to actually make the stuff.

 

[Birdbander]

My Mom. I grew up hearing two stories:
Mom boiled some eggs until the water was gone but must have figured they still weren't done so topped off the water again. She boiled them nearly dry again, and likely would have but they exploded. Dad said the egg coverage throughout the kitchen was better than napalm in Vietnam.

Mom wanted to surprise Dad with some chili after he'd been outside working in the cold all day. He sat down to a big steaming bowl, spooned in one big bite and spit it out. After a quick investigation they determined Mom used cinnamon instead of chili powder.

 

[millerkiller77]

MIL thinks it's okay to mix one jar of shitty pasta sauce with one jar of water to pour over any pasta dish, and one pound of ground meat is enough for 12 people

Macaroni salad is macaroni and Mayo, if she's feeling fancy a can of diced olives goes over it.

Creamed corn is burned kernels drowned in some type of diabetes syrup.

Corned beef hash gets cooked until its crispy

I could go on for pages....

 

[Nick87]

one pound of ground meat is enough for 12 people

That's the worst, she's gotta go...

 

[jryoung]

My mother in law loves a 45 minute cycle with her countertop steamer. Particularly with cruciferous vegetables and fish.

 

[Khunter]

My mother in law loves a 45 minute cycle with her countertop steamer. Particularly with cruciferous vegetables and fish.

I barely had the knowldge without looking it up that broccoli was cruciferous. Probably not alone in that so…

 

[gouch]

The wife can't cook. Or maybe she can cook but doesn't want to cook so when she has to cook, she cooks badly so no one will ever want her to cook.

 

[millerkiller77]

That's the worst, she's gotta go...

She's been known to flash me her tiddies, she does have a redeeming quality

 

[Nick87]

She's been known to flash me her tiddies, she does have a redeeming quality

My mother in law does that and I'll shoot her where she stands.

 

[Gellar]

I love cocktail wieners in bbq sauce. My mother in law thinks that they need to be cooked for days. She literally puts the crockpot on high the day before the event and the lil wieners are burnt to a crisp. She always wants to bring them to any event and gets terribly butt hurt and will ruin the whole event sitting in the chair, sulking, if my wife asks her not to bring them.

 

[MThuntr]

Mom has a small turkey for lunch tomorrow. I wasn't allowed to brine it. Trying to find a way to get flavor into this thing without getting drunk and doing it when she's not looking