Mini Moose
New member
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are, don’t ask us we refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat, if it is up put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive then short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is because married women always cut their hair, and by then your stuck with them.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again.
5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect to get an answer you don’t want to hear.
6. Sometimes we are not thinking of you. Deal with it.
7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such things as navel lint, the shotgun formation or monster trucks.
8. Sunday=sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no we will never think of it that way.
10. When we have to go somewhere absolutely anything you were is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints don’t work, strong hints don’t work, obvious hints don’t work. Just say it.
16. No we do not know what day it is, we never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult; we are bound to miss sometimes.
18. Most guys own 3 pairs of shoes, what makes you think we can choose which pair, out of 30, would go best with your dress.
19. Yes and no are perfectly good answers to almost every question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it, that is what we are for. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
26. No it does not matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
28. If you wont dress up like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If something we said can be interpreted 2 ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway, it is genetic.
31. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how to do it, not both.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
35. Women wearing wonder bras and low cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. More women should wear wonder bras and low cut blouses, we like staring at boobs.
37. The relationship will never be like it was the first 2 months we were going out.
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit not a color.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
40. If it itches it will be scratched.
41. Beer is as exiting to us as handbags are for you.
42. If it is OUR house, than why does MY stuff get thrown in closet/attic/basement?
43. We are not mind readers and never will be, our lack of mind reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
44. If we ask you what is wrong and you say “nothing” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know your lying, but it is not worth the hassle.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her, but not to worry the fantasy includes both you and her.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat, if it is up put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive then short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is because married women always cut their hair, and by then your stuck with them.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again.
5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect to get an answer you don’t want to hear.
6. Sometimes we are not thinking of you. Deal with it.
7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such things as navel lint, the shotgun formation or monster trucks.
8. Sunday=sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no we will never think of it that way.
10. When we have to go somewhere absolutely anything you were is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints don’t work, strong hints don’t work, obvious hints don’t work. Just say it.
16. No we do not know what day it is, we never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar
17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult; we are bound to miss sometimes.
18. Most guys own 3 pairs of shoes, what makes you think we can choose which pair, out of 30, would go best with your dress.
19. Yes and no are perfectly good answers to almost every question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it, that is what we are for. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
26. No it does not matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
28. If you wont dress up like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If something we said can be interpreted 2 ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway, it is genetic.
31. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how to do it, not both.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
35. Women wearing wonder bras and low cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. More women should wear wonder bras and low cut blouses, we like staring at boobs.
37. The relationship will never be like it was the first 2 months we were going out.
38. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach is a fruit not a color.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
40. If it itches it will be scratched.
41. Beer is as exiting to us as handbags are for you.
42. If it is OUR house, than why does MY stuff get thrown in closet/attic/basement?
43. We are not mind readers and never will be, our lack of mind reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
44. If we ask you what is wrong and you say “nothing” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know your lying, but it is not worth the hassle.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her, but not to worry the fantasy includes both you and her.
