The Trenches

[TOGIE]

COngrats! As I write this my 15 month is crying in my lap for no apparent reason. My wife had an urgent C-section as well and that adds a whole new element. Honestly, the first few weeks/months are pretty rough but once they start getting a full nights sleep it is a bit easier. Having family around can be a big help. Everyone will tell you things get easier, but they really don't, they just change.

It is funny how everyone tells you having a baby is the greatest thing, and it is, but no one tells you just how difficult it is and how much it will change your life. I guess if they really did that then no one would actually have kids. Now the cool kids are just becoming "dog parents" cause it is just as rewarding and just as difficult. I think it is lame.

i think there is a combination of things. my wife was discovering things during the first few days about c sections she didn't expect, extreme pains she thought wouldn't be wehre they were, weird bumps, literal inability to go to the bathroom by herself. she started texting some friends who had c sections and they said "i mean yeah it was real rough, but honestly we can't really remember"

then the other factor is when you ask dudes they go into macho mode and be like "nah man wasn't too terrible and everything gets better so fast anyway"

my theory is it's a combination of hormones designed to make the girl forget, sleep deprivation not allowing anyone to make full complete memories, and people not wanting to be raw and honest about how much they struggled.

which is why i'm coming here, trying to be honest. these last two weeks have a been a real struggle.

 

[Irrelevant]

yes, and it won't be the last. i'm already beyond terrified don't worry

#2 is 4x harder.

 

[Deleted member 28227]

the inefficacy of the mind and body when that sleep deprived is truly horrifying. my wife would ask me to get something for her and I would say "sure thing babe" then immediately walk literally three steps towards the bedroom door, stop, stand there for a few seconds, turn around and ask her "what did you need, again?"

My wife had a perfect storm schedule last spring where she had 4, 36 hr shifts in one week. This reminds me of that...

your kiddo is a good sleeper and things get easier soon.

 

[trb]

yes, and it won't be the last. i'm already beyond terrified don't worry

We are 5 months into our first. It does get better after about 3ish months. So much more engagement and self-entertainment potential. But I have absolutely threatened to give myself a vasectomy before we have another one. One and done.

 

[Irrelevant]

Did we not talk? I swear we did.

Having a child is so hard you can't imagine it unless you've had one. You will experience (and I see you are) the same things they use to break the hardest criminal minds, extreme sleep deprivation and loud noises that you can't turn off. Be advised, the first two weeks are as easy as it gets for the next year or two. Then it slowly shifts to equally difficult issues, but you're getting more sleep.

As everyone else has said, enjoy this, this is EASY. You won't understand just how easy until you have #2. Then you will look back and wonder what the big deal is. Do you know why people can't remember? Because if we did, people wouldn't ever have more than 1 kid and our species would have been doomed eons ago. It's not PTSD, but... I know I'm getting anxiety just thinking about that phase of my life.

 

[Deleted member 28227]

@TOGIE

5 Stages of Buying a Minivan | We didn't choose the minivan life, the minivan life chose us! | By Dude Dad | Facebook

We didn't choose the minivan life, the minivan life chose us!

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[TOGIE]

Did we not talk? I swear we did.

we did but i can't remember

 

[grizzly_]

they finally look off thinking for a few seconds and say "honestly i can't even remember"

You won't remember this time either, I promise.

My little girl turns three in a few weeks so I'm just a little ahead of you. They're the greatest blessing... but holy hell do they screw up your life.

But then they're your glassing buddy and it's all worth it again.




You're just embarking on the most awesome journey of your life. Congrats!

 

[Irrelevant]

@TOGIE

5 Stages of Buying a Minivan | We didn't choose the minivan life, the minivan life chose us! | By Dude Dad | Facebook

We didn't choose the minivan life, the minivan life chose us!

fb.watch

SO F-in' true!!!!

 

[TOGIE]

@TOGIE

5 Stages of Buying a Minivan | We didn't choose the minivan life, the minivan life chose us! | By Dude Dad | Facebook

We didn't choose the minivan life, the minivan life chose us!

fb.watch

if we had three i'd be buying a minivan without my wifes permission. but if my parents did two kids with only a subaru outback and a 2 door f150, we're way ahead of the curve with a 4 door titan and subaru legacy

 

[Irrelevant]

and frankly, how brutal for the man (i'm not trying to say it's worse for the man, calm down).

I passed out during birth #1, puked during birth #2 (also took a half assed swing at the anesthesiologist - in between pukes).

 

[woods89]

My wife and I have 4. Some of these posts make me chuckle!

My wife is a stay at home mom, though. It makes a lot of things easier. It also changes how much of my income goes to hunting!

 

[TOGIE]

Now, trying to figure out childcare when the one who needs to nurse also works 80+ hours a week...

even under normal circumstances thinking ahead about childcare and what to do is already causing me great stress. financially we could pull off the wife becoming a full time mom, but boy would that be a tight. ass. budget. it will be a tight ass budget with two incomes and childcare too, but childcare doesn't last forever and we might come out ahead if we both continue on career paths and salary raises and take the massive childcare hit in the meantime. who knows. i keep trying to only think about keeping my wife and baby happy for now and to shoot a few critters in my now extraordinarily precious hunting time.

can't imagine an MD early in her career and figuring out how to make that work on every level, even beyond childcare and nursing.

 

[Deleted member 28227]

I passed out during birth #1, puked during birth #2 (also took a half assed swing at the anesthesiologist - in between pukes).

If I don't project serene calm and poise throughout that process I'm never going to live it down.

 

[rwc101]

When you help your niece catch her first fish and you didn't even have to raise her.

 

[TOGIE]

I passed out during birth #1, puked during birth #2 (also took a half assed swing at the anesthesiologist - in between pukes).

i fully wanted to and did watch the c section. surprised myself at how much it didn't bug me or make me squeamish, but i have never really been squeamish in my life so far.

that said i'm surprised the anesthesiologist let me stand up and start watching when i asked. that was a very dangerous place to be standing should i get shakey legs, but i bet he was more ready for that than i realized in the moment.

i must say, my respect for the OB went through the roof when i watched her get that boy out of my wife.

side note: holy crap, they aren't gentle when they are trying to *literally* reach in there and rip that boy out of my wifes abdomen. i guess it's time is of the essence sort of thing.

 

[kansasdad]

Our first kid Aaron lulled us into a false sense of normalcy with his extremely good natured easy to tend to outlook on life. Even in the first two weeks.

14 months later along came Katie……a complete colicky terror of unrelenting waves of shrieking and crying. First up was a week in NICU for the same dosing of antibiotics that they would give to an adult. Respiratory therapists couldn’t believe a 9 pounder was in such rough lung conditions as she was. Bringing her home finally, it was if we had had every stereotypical newborn problem rolled up into one.

And in the final analysis, each kid is worth every lego stepped on, every blown out diaper, every time you wiped a snotty face with your fingers because that is all you had at the moment, every moment you’d rather be sleeping instead of rocking a strong willed child into some semblance of a comfort zone, even every time they “spit up” on your shoulder.

WORTH IT!

 

[Irrelevant]

If I don't project serene calm and poise throughout that process I'm never going to live it down.

I certainly haven't. But not all of us are cold blooded killers... turns out I'm a pansy.

1# happened when they asked me to hold a leg. I stepped up, had just grabbed the leg, looked upwards and everything when black and I tipped over backwards. #2, my wife requested an epidural and they never gave her one, so she screamed like a dying rabbit for over an hour and I couldn't handle her being in that much pain, got sick from it, and puked until there was nothing left. Then that bastard of an doc came in and said it wasn't his fault...

the story provides plenty of laughs, and if you can't laugh at yourself, and your own shortcomings, well you're not much fun to be around.

 

[TOGIE]

fun tangent i was officially peed on from the operating table (diaper changing station for the laymen) yeaterday. it actually felt good, i was like "okay, i'm officially turning into a parent". and i didn't even change my clothes!

 

[bowhuntmontana]

I vividly remember the newborn stages with my three kids. Traumatic for me. It is still triggering when I hear newborn cries. Sleep deprivation, not knowing what the F you are doing, so much crying, my wife losing her mind. It was awful for me. I remember driving to Wal-Mart at 3:00 AM with my wife and our first screaming in the backseat when she was about three days old. We were going to buy a pacifier, which we had foolishly told ourselves we wouldn't do because we didn't want our kid to have messed up teeth. I looked at my wife and asked, "Is this our life now?" It got better, but those first few weeks and months were always hard on me. Give yourself permission to hate it. Walk away when you feel like you are going to lose it. I used earbuds and earplugs to cope with the crying. I don't know how to deal with the sleep deprivation, other than trying to sleep whenever you can. But fragmented sleep is nowhere close to as good as several continuous hours.

I remember looking at any parent with a kid who survived past age three with a whole new level of respect just because they had all survived to that point.

I always hated the newborn stage. But it gets better, and kids can be awesome. But when that kid was five months old, I fell deeply in love and keep falling harder every day. Seemed to correlate directly with them sleeping through the night.