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Wandering lost on the Cowboy Way
from the Helena Independent Record, 27 Feb 2011
By BEN LONG
Well partners, I reckon every Montanan worth his spurs is mighty grateful for the leadership we are seeing from our Montana Legislature. Let the other states have their mollycoddles and milksops. Montana is Cowboy Country, home of the Cowboy Way.
The Constitution? Well that’s good for lawyers. Ten Commandments? Good for Moses and preachers. But real cowboys keep things simple. So I am mighty glad the 2011 Montana Senate President Jim Peterson convinced that august body to formally adopt the Cowboy Way as its guiding document (Senate Bill 216). Here it is, word for word with a little explaining thrown in for free:
1. Live each day with courage. It takes a lot of guts to get up in the morning, strap on a necktie and ignore people you disagree with. They don’t even let you pack a shootin’ iron under the Capitol Dome, so you got to face those folks on the other side of the aisle unarmed. That’ll put a shake in your boots.
2. Take pride in your work. Don’t be satisfied with just being ridiculed within the boundaries of Montana. Show some gumption. Advance crackpot legislation that makes Montana a national laughingstock. There is no better way to show your Montana pride than to create a Youtube sensation with a “birther” bill.
3. Always finish what you start. If you set your sights on demolishing bedrock legislation, like the 30-year-old Montana Environmental Policy Act, realize the task will take some time. Don’t be satisfied with just taking a few swipes at the law — keep swinging that axe until it’s demolished altogether. This may take several sessions of sticktoitiveness.
4. Do what has to be done. By definition, if a problem can be put off to another day, it doesn’t “have” to be done. It ain’t your problem if you can shunt it over to your kids and grandkids. That frees up gobs of time to do a bunch of stuff that is silly and meaningless. For example, debate bills to allow concealed spears equipped with silencers in churches, schools and bars.
5. Be tough, but fair. Americans are getting soft. It’s time we toughen up those single moms and sick school kids. Fair’s fair. If they want better laws, they should hire more effective lobbyists. These sissies who want state parks, want to get the drunks off the roads and want toilets that flush should go spend some time sleeping amid the buzzworms and the prickly pear with nothin’ but a whiskey bottle for company. Get some perspective.
6. When you make a promise, keep it. A man’s word is his honor. Like that promise to get government off our backs — it’s a good promise. Except when it ain’t. For example, it doesn’t apply in cases involving our bedrooms and doctors’ offices. And that promise about creating jobs — well, maybe they’ll get to it once they get the important work taken care of.
7. Ride for the brand. Which brand is that? Not the Anaconda Copper Co. anymore. Hmm, the calves and heifers at this roundup ain’t branded “GOP,” or “DEM;” they’re branded “MT” — as in The Last Best Place. Call the brand inspector to sort it out. I’m confused.
8. Talk less and say more. Oh don’t you wish …
9. Remember that some things aren’t for sale. Although it’s hard to think of anything that falls in that category right off hand. Keep lookin’ though. Meanwhile, there’s gold and clean water and clean air and fish and wildlife in them thar hills. Who’ll start the bidding?
10. Know where to draw the line. Lines separate right from wrong, us from them, reality from fantasy. Then there’s the party line — the one running to the right. That’s one not to be crossed.
When I spread out my bedroll tonight, stare up into the starry void and wonder where my next paycheck is coming from, I’ll rest easy knowing these good folks in Helena are working real hard on the problem. Yup, the Montana Legislature is tackling the day’s toughest issues with the best ideas of the 19th century.
Ben Long is a writer and communications consultant in Kalispell.
Wandering lost on the Cowboy Way
from the Helena Independent Record, 27 Feb 2011
By BEN LONG
Well partners, I reckon every Montanan worth his spurs is mighty grateful for the leadership we are seeing from our Montana Legislature. Let the other states have their mollycoddles and milksops. Montana is Cowboy Country, home of the Cowboy Way.
The Constitution? Well that’s good for lawyers. Ten Commandments? Good for Moses and preachers. But real cowboys keep things simple. So I am mighty glad the 2011 Montana Senate President Jim Peterson convinced that august body to formally adopt the Cowboy Way as its guiding document (Senate Bill 216). Here it is, word for word with a little explaining thrown in for free:
1. Live each day with courage. It takes a lot of guts to get up in the morning, strap on a necktie and ignore people you disagree with. They don’t even let you pack a shootin’ iron under the Capitol Dome, so you got to face those folks on the other side of the aisle unarmed. That’ll put a shake in your boots.
2. Take pride in your work. Don’t be satisfied with just being ridiculed within the boundaries of Montana. Show some gumption. Advance crackpot legislation that makes Montana a national laughingstock. There is no better way to show your Montana pride than to create a Youtube sensation with a “birther” bill.
3. Always finish what you start. If you set your sights on demolishing bedrock legislation, like the 30-year-old Montana Environmental Policy Act, realize the task will take some time. Don’t be satisfied with just taking a few swipes at the law — keep swinging that axe until it’s demolished altogether. This may take several sessions of sticktoitiveness.
4. Do what has to be done. By definition, if a problem can be put off to another day, it doesn’t “have” to be done. It ain’t your problem if you can shunt it over to your kids and grandkids. That frees up gobs of time to do a bunch of stuff that is silly and meaningless. For example, debate bills to allow concealed spears equipped with silencers in churches, schools and bars.
5. Be tough, but fair. Americans are getting soft. It’s time we toughen up those single moms and sick school kids. Fair’s fair. If they want better laws, they should hire more effective lobbyists. These sissies who want state parks, want to get the drunks off the roads and want toilets that flush should go spend some time sleeping amid the buzzworms and the prickly pear with nothin’ but a whiskey bottle for company. Get some perspective.
6. When you make a promise, keep it. A man’s word is his honor. Like that promise to get government off our backs — it’s a good promise. Except when it ain’t. For example, it doesn’t apply in cases involving our bedrooms and doctors’ offices. And that promise about creating jobs — well, maybe they’ll get to it once they get the important work taken care of.
7. Ride for the brand. Which brand is that? Not the Anaconda Copper Co. anymore. Hmm, the calves and heifers at this roundup ain’t branded “GOP,” or “DEM;” they’re branded “MT” — as in The Last Best Place. Call the brand inspector to sort it out. I’m confused.
8. Talk less and say more. Oh don’t you wish …
9. Remember that some things aren’t for sale. Although it’s hard to think of anything that falls in that category right off hand. Keep lookin’ though. Meanwhile, there’s gold and clean water and clean air and fish and wildlife in them thar hills. Who’ll start the bidding?
10. Know where to draw the line. Lines separate right from wrong, us from them, reality from fantasy. Then there’s the party line — the one running to the right. That’s one not to be crossed.
When I spread out my bedroll tonight, stare up into the starry void and wonder where my next paycheck is coming from, I’ll rest easy knowing these good folks in Helena are working real hard on the problem. Yup, the Montana Legislature is tackling the day’s toughest issues with the best ideas of the 19th century.
Ben Long is a writer and communications consultant in Kalispell.
