WildWill
Well-known member
If I had a nickel for everytime my parents or in-laws "pulled rank" I'd have have a sh!+ ton of nickels. They earned that right!
"Pulling rank" during the Christmas season
- Thread starter Richard22
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TX Trophy Hunter
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I disagree. They had 18 years to be a parent and make decisions. I will gladly take advice from them any time, but I have the final decision on parenting my own children.
Carnage2011
Well-known member
If your child receiving a doll from their grandparents for Christmas is such a big deal...you're in for much bigger issues. You sound like a controlling, micromanaging parent that finds out the hard way when their kids go to college. Good luck sir!
WildWill
Well-known member
And they did such a good job I trust them completely. If that scenario would cause as you put it " a high risk of causing strain in their future relationship" there's already a big problem.
mevertsen
Well-known member
Question is, do we know if the mother bought a similar doll already and was waiting for Christmas to give it to them? That would be an interesting surprise.
I guess my point would be for the grandparents to make sure the gift will be good for the grand daughter, or at the very least find out the reason she said "no" in the first place.
My in-laws are notorious for duplicate buying gifts for our kids. Not a huge deal, but how many of the same size and theme pajamas can a kid really use in one year, year after year...
My mother in law just bought our youngest a Christmas dress. Same color as the one my wife made, both with the intent for her to wear at the musical coming up. Mother in law gave to to our daughter at Thanksgiving.
My wife made the one just a bit big last year for another event, and she wanted one more year out of it. I don’t think its a huge deal, but just aggravating.
All they have to do is say, "here's our plan."
@TX Trophy Hunter sounds like I'm not the only one who has had boomer parents & in-laws just blatantly disregard the boundaries we put in place for our children...
If that's the case for the OP then, yes you're daughter is probably going to be pissed when that gift is opened. If not, it's probably not a big deal. A little communication goes a long way.
If that's the case for the OP then, yes you're daughter is probably going to be pissed when that gift is opened. If not, it's probably not a big deal. A little communication goes a long way.
TX Trophy Hunter
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Micro managing would be “pulling rank” on your child to make decisions about your grandchild. If you carefully read the first post, it appears to me that the doll was purchased in a way to spite the mother of the grandchild. How hard would it be to ask the mother if you could surprise the grandchild with the doll for Christmas? I am extremely proud of my parenting skills and have a lot of professional training and experience in leadership and child development so I think I might do ok.
TX Trophy Hunter
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I hear you, I just think for most people there’s boundaries. Our parents have earned a lot, but I don’t think they earn the right to “pull rank” when it comes to your children.
Yes, the OP called it pulling rank and I am disagreeing with that assessment. I assumed the OPs post was a little "tongue in cheek" because every time a parent takes a kid to a store, they have to repeatedly tell that kid "NO you can't have that" because nine times out of ten they aren't at the store to buy something for the kid, but the kid still wants everything in the store. That rarely means that the parent doesn't want the kid to have the item, it just means that they aren't going to buy it for them right now and maybe never. Most parents are happy as hell if the grandparents give their child a present that they wouldn't have necessarily bought for them. So, nobodies pulling rank on anyone. Everyone is just enjoying gift giving.
I have 13 grandkids from four daughters. I sure as hell don't call some kind of big committee meeting to discuss what Christmas and birthday presents, I am going to be giving throughout the year. If mom doesn't like it, she can dispose of it, but so far that hasn't happened because my girls learned to always accept gifts in the spirit in which they were given and hopefully will pass that along to the grandkids.
I would truly be saddened if I had the type of relationship with my girls where a Christmas present might ever be construed as a challenge to their authority over their children.
Trail&ErrorAK
Member
about ready to pull rank this year and tell the family we are going back to a darn simple Christmas with a good meal and times as a family instead of a bunch of crap that isn't going to last 6 months.
And then I'm sure the wife will pull rank and we will end up with a bunch of shit anyway.
And then I'm sure the wife will pull rank and we will end up with a bunch of shit anyway.
2rocky
Well-known member
I’ve been undermined by my parents before and it is no fun.
The best bet is for Grandma and daughter to get on the same page. Doesn’t have to be a fight, just asking the daughter what was her reason for the no in the store.
If the daughter is adamant against the premise of dolls or is worried about lead paint or whatever grandma needs to respect that.
It probably was just “no not now”. That’s different. The daughter will appreciate being consulted perhaps more than the granddaughter appreciates the gift. Then it’s a win-win.
