Kraven
New member
Subject: Why we love children
>
>
>
> A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a
> cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. " Dead."
> She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her
>pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't
> move," answered the child innocently. "You did
> WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You
> know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went
> 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
> ______________________________________________
>
>
> A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five
> minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What?
> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
> "No. You had your chance. Lights out."
> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
> "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
> "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to
>spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink
> of water?"
> ______________________________________________
> An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting
> in to mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect
>to get into Heaven?"
>The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in
> and out
> and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.
> Peter says, 'For
> Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
> ______________________________________________
>One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
> amother was tucking
> her son into bed. She was about to turn off the
> light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy,
> will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a
> reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said.
> "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little
> voice:"The big sissy."
> ______________________________________________
> It was that time, during the Sunday morning service,
> for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come
> forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty
> dress and,as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a
> very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little
> girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
>"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
> ____________________________________________
> When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my
> three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to
>get into the shower. She said,"Mommy, you are
> getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby
> growing in her tummy" "I know," she replied, but
> what's growing in your butt?"
> ______________________________________________
> A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
> himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
> Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
> "What are you doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math
> homework, Mom." "And this is
> how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother
> asked. "Yes," he answered.
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
> "What are you teaching my son in math?"
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
>addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching
> them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
> "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
> ______________________________________________
> One day the first grade teacher was reading the
> story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story
>where
> Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read,
>".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The
>sky is falling, the sky
> is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class,
> "And what do you think that farmer said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think
> he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
>
>
>
> A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a
> cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. " Dead."
> She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her
>pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't
> move," answered the child innocently. "You did
> WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You
> know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went
> 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
> ______________________________________________
>
>
> A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five
> minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What?
> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
> "No. You had your chance. Lights out."
> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
> "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
> "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to
>spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink
> of water?"
> ______________________________________________
> An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting
> in to mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect
>to get into Heaven?"
>The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in
> and out
> and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.
> Peter says, 'For
> Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
> ______________________________________________
>One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
> amother was tucking
> her son into bed. She was about to turn off the
> light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy,
> will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a
> reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said.
> "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little
> voice:"The big sissy."
> ______________________________________________
> It was that time, during the Sunday morning service,
> for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come
> forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty
> dress and,as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a
> very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little
> girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
>"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
> ____________________________________________
> When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my
> three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to
>get into the shower. She said,"Mommy, you are
> getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby
> growing in her tummy" "I know," she replied, but
> what's growing in your butt?"
> ______________________________________________
> A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
> himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
> Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
> "What are you doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math
> homework, Mom." "And this is
> how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother
> asked. "Yes," he answered.
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
> "What are you teaching my son in math?"
> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
>addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching
> them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
> "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
> ______________________________________________
> One day the first grade teacher was reading the
> story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story
>where
> Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read,
>".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The
>sky is falling, the sky
> is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class,
> "And what do you think that farmer said?"
> One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think
> he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
