Because you're my friend

[GRUNT]

For those tired of the usual "friend" poems, here is a touch of
reality.
* When you are sad...I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge
against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.

* When you are blue...I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you.

* When you smile...I'll know you finally got laid.

* When you are scared...I will rag you about it every chance I get.

* When you are worried...I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it could be and to quit whining.

* When you are confused...I will use little words to explain it to your
dumb ass.

* When you are sick...Stay away from me until you're well again, I
don't want whatever you have.

* When you fall...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath...I pledge till the end. Why may you ask?
Because you're my friend.