Marriage advice for a newbie

[thusby]

I always tell my old lady its hunting or $40 at the bar every night. Pick your poison. That usually settles it.

 

[Addicting]

Don't take this approach...and congrats on getting hitched!

To be clear I wasn’t promoting his approach. It was a similar themed thread that has some good advice in it.

 

[rustneversleeps]

Priorities man...its why I'm no longer married...haha kinda

 

[Hilljackoutlaw]

Holy heck...you can either afford it or you cant! Not a magical equation out there.

 

[dcopas78]

I always tell my old lady its hunting or $40 at the bar every night. Pick your poison. That usually settles it.

I quit dipping Copenhagen after I started talking about hunting out of state and how much I needed to do it. I was using 2 cans a day, had it in all day. Morning routine was 2 cans of cope, and a bottle of pop....every morning, year round..when I went to the gas station. My wife did the quick math, said "hey you are spending over $2500 per year (8 years ago) to do this and it is bad for your health. Dropped it, not only for the savings and hunting prospects, but for my future health. That, and using extra income has really helped me do my trips every year.

 

[Tiredofthebickering]

Holy heck...you can either afford it or you cant! Not a magical equation out there.

There is something to be said for this aspect lol. If you budget out your income and expenses and you can't afford it, the whole conversation is irrelevant. If you can, what percentage of your excess is it and is that reasonable? If it's a minuscule percentage it is, again, irrelevant if you wife is remotely reasonable.

I tell her that I am applying a tag, she smiles and asks what days I might be gone, so she can plan a trip with her hen group. Cost has never been discussed.

When I see this I always think, "This person is either ridiculously in debt and neither spouse knows" and/or "This person has so much excess income that their circumstance should be considered an outlier and disregarded" lol.

 

[Bowhuntrben]

Yeah... but the trouble with that line for me is that too often I come home empty handed.

but all these points will help you get into a unit where you won’t come home empty handed!!

 

[RidgeRoamingRichard]

I just got married last year, my wife and I are both extremely frugal and in the process of buying a house. As well all know it, application season is among us and I tend to leave my frugal tendencies at the door during this time period.

That being said, I'm trying to determine the best way to present this hit (thank goodness CO doesn't make you buy the tags and give a refund anymore, I guess) to her without ending up either out of the point game or in the dog house haha She hunts with me but not to this extent so the point building and associated costs are all new as it's been out of my bank acct.

I was thinking of building a spreadsheet reflecting the total cost of all the points/tags and being as transparent as possible compared to word of mouth/rough order of magnitude cost.

Let's hear how the rest of you have managed this.

Show her the percentage of licensing/application fees that go to conservation. Money spent on tags is easy to justify, as it comprises the bulk of conservation funds in this country. Either that or rob a bank.

 

[madtom]

Show her the percentage of licensing/application fees that go to conservation. Money spent on tags is easy to justify, as it comprises the bulk of conservation funds in this country. Either that or rob a bank.

"Honey, I know you want to buy nice things with your share of the money. But, if we don't spend all this money on conservation, then who will?!!"

 

[Addicting]

When I see this I always think, "This person is either ridiculously in debt and neither spouse knows" and/or "This person has so much excess income that their circumstance should be considered an outlier and disregarded" lol.

Not necessarily, we plan for it two ways.

We have a vacation jar that we commit to. Each week we give ourselves some cash and any change from a purchase goes in it. Any money left over at the end of the week goes into it.

Both of us fill out our tax forms so we get a refund. I keep track of everything throughout the year to ensure we are paying down any balance we have. Tax returns take care of the rest if any. Everything else goes into the account for next year or Labradoodle fund.

 

[Tiredofthebickering]

I just got married last year, my wife and I are both extremely frugal and in the process of buying a house. As well all know it, application season is among us and I tend to leave my frugal tendencies at the door during this time period.

That being said, I'm trying to determine the best way to present this hit (thank goodness CO doesn't make you buy the tags and give a refund anymore, I guess) to her without ending up either out of the point game or in the dog house haha She hunts with me but not to this extent so the point building and associated costs are all new as it's been out of my bank acct.

I was thinking of building a spreadsheet reflecting the total cost of all the points/tags and being as transparent as possible compared to word of mouth/rough order of magnitude cost.

Let's hear how the rest of you have managed this.

I know others have disagreed but the above is key for me. I just had my 12 year anniversary and didn't hunt much/at all during the first several years. During the middle years I did some small trips and generally started to get more active as our finances have allowed. Starting back in 2016 I really got the bug to start hunting out west seriously and regularly. At that time, I basically sat my wife down and told her what my plans were and listened to her opinion. Although it's hard for her to agree that spending a couple/few thousand dollars every year on my hobby I basically told her that 1) I'm in my 30's and I only have much health left (my dad even less health left), 2) Our income is at the point that my hunting expenses don't even come close to taking from our ability to cover our living expenses, 3) It is something I want to do and I've been putting it off for a long time. It is basically my only real hobby with any financial burden. Again, she doesn't see the value for her, but understands the value for me. She sees how much it soothes my soul to spend time in the woods/mountains. And we couldn't make it work if I wasn't perfectly clear and open with her about it.

I still take my family on vacations that are awesome. And we just spent more on a new dining room table (had the last one something like 6 - 10 years) than I will on all my hunting expenses combined this year (likely lol). So I guess all of that to say that, before we couldn't afford it, but now we can lol @Hilljackoutlaw

 

[Fsmith]

Any raises/OT at work put in a separate personal bank acct. Keep the spouse in the dark

 

[Tiredofthebickering]

Not necessarily, we plan for it two ways.

We have a vacation jar that we commit to. Each week we give ourselves some cash and any change from a purchase goes in it. Any money left over at the end of the week goes into it.

Both of us fill out our tax forms so we get a refund. I keep track of everything throughout the year to ensure we are paying down any balance we have. Tax returns take care of the rest if any. Everything else goes into the account for next year or Labradoodle fund.

Let me think in my extremes! I didn't come here for civil discourse! But for real, it sounds like you're at least discussing cost.

I will say, that if I had to go back and do one thing over again with our finances, I would tell me wife that we should each get an allowance based upon a percentage of our excess cash flow that is ours to use as we please. No questions, no fuss lol.

I did some tutoring for a while that only generated a few hundred dollars extra, but it sure was nice to spend it on whatever I wanted lol.

 

[thusby]

You really have to worry when she starts to put pantyhose in your barrel to see if you are actually hunting.

 

[np307]

My wife and I have been married three years and dont have kids yet, so keep that in mind.
I'm also not buying points anywhere except Wyoming, so that cuts down on expenses a lot.
We have a conversation in December each year about what the next year looks like. Vacation ideas, hunting plans, big purchases that we will need to make. We talk about those things throughout the year too, but usually try to have a time to project for the next year.
I'm not putting in a bunch of applications, but if I were, I would just explain that there's a lot of money going out, but almost all of it is coming back.
If you're talking about mandatory licenses, application fees, points, and other things building up, that would just be a part of my budget conversation.

 

[Nemont]

When I see this I always think, "This person is either ridiculously in debt and neither spouse knows" and/or "This person has so much excess income that their circumstance should be considered an outlier and disregarded" lol.

Or I have been diligent , worked hard, saved, plus also put her first in 99% of things. At a point in my life my kids are all getting done with college, they didn't have to borrow any money to finish, and I have rekindled my big game hunting bug. Spent a couple of years not even bother to buy a deer tag let alone apply for anything. I just didn't care about big game for a long time, had feathers on my brain. Now I am back at it. It has worked for 32 years so far.

 

[Addicting]

Let me think in my extremes! I didn't come here for civil discourse! But for real, it sounds like you're at least discussing cost.

I will say, that if I had to go back and do one thing over again with our finances, I would tell me wife that we should each get an allowance based upon a percentage of our excess cash flow that is ours to use as we please. No questions, no fuss lol.

I did some tutoring for a while that only generated a few hundred dollars extra, but it sure was nice to spend it on whatever I wanted lol.

When we first got married we didn’t talk finance. She was named in her parent’s bankruptcy because of her student loans. Her credit score was better than 3% of people her age bracket. I was running a 780 score. We got hitched and I didn’t find out till we went to buy a car and got denied.

After a nightmare with Salle Mae and the bankruptcy lawyers we got every thing fixed. We worked very hard to then fix her credit score.

After all that neither one of ever want to deal with it again. We are both mindful of Credit and discuss it regularly. However, I do not check her credit card, I trust her to uphold her end of the deal.

The deal is: In Army terms we have a left and right range marker. ( our comfort zone for each other’s trips) Everything needs fired on credit stays within those two markers @ 1-2k. If we have to send one outside the markers it is discussed before hand and we focus on funding it first.

 

[EYJONAS!]

As a salesman I get some pretty decent stiffs for products we sell....... needless to say these spiffs are never brought up at the house. EVER



While I didn't read every post on this thread the just I'm getting your trying to justify some hunting expenditure especially regarding different tags and other states. While I agree it needs to be out on the table and only fair to her that she knows.... for the most part. What happens when you draw a couple slim chance tags or OIL tags that require a shit load of attention and funds in some cases completing the task at hand? I can see applications being covered by a credit card abs payed off after refunds or pay it off in full after you apply? Earn some extras from it or miles? Maybe treat her to a little something to ease the pain?

Hunting and adventure is just expensive it just is. There's not much of a way around it. Enjoy it now my friend because if you guys have some babies one day plan on losing about 60 percent of your tag fees and fun money for a few years

 

[Tiredofthebickering]

When we first got married we didn’t talk finance. She was named in her parent’s bankruptcy because of her student loans. Her credit score was better than 3% of people her age bracket. I was running a 780 score. We got hitched and I didn’t find out till we went to buy a car and got denied.

After a nightmare with Salle Mae and the bankruptcy lawyers we got every thing fixed. We worked very hard to then fix her credit score.

After all that neither one of ever want to deal with it again. We are both mindful of Credit and discuss it regularly. However, I do not check her credit card, I trust her to uphold her end of the deal.

The deal is: In Army terms we have a left and right range marker. ( our comfort zone for each other’s trips) Everything needs fired on credit stays within those two markers @ 1-2k. If we have to send one outside the markers it is discussed before hand and we focus on funding it first.

I like your style. And it sounds like we had some similar circumstances, although I was fortunate enough to work through a lot of it during the engagement period rather than being surprised after the wedding. I imagine there is an unspoken agreement about the # of trips as well? Like to can't book as many trips as you want so long as they fall inside the markers?

 

[Tiredofthebickering]

Or I have been diligent , worked hard, saved, plus also put her first in 99% of things. At a point in my life my kids are all getting done with college, they didn't have to borrow any money to finish, and I have rekindled my big game hunting bug. Spent a couple of years not even bother to buy a deer tag let alone apply for anything. I just didn't care about big game for a long time, had feathers on my brain. Now I am back at it. It has worked for 32 years so far.

For sure. But that situation makes you an outlier as well for the OP's situation lol.

All in good fun, see my sarcasm to Addicting about thinking in extremes lol.