Yeti

Fart Facts

ELKCHSR

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Joined
Nov 28, 2001
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Now there is a fellow that really gets into depth on learning all the details he can about a subject.... :D
 
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RogueWarrior1957

Guest
I DO hope you took time to check out the Brittney Smears Parody listed there! That is a classic!

My thoughts:

One should never hold their farts in...or they're reabsorbed into the bloodstream and travel up the spinal column to the brain. This is where all our crappy ideas come from. :D

-RW-
 
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RogueWarrior1957

Guest
You know what George Carlin said about farts..."Farts are cool! Just like sh** without the mess!" ROTFLMBO!
 
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RogueWarrior1957

Guest
This one got me:

Q:Is it true that some people never fart?

A: Not if they're alive. Some people even fart shortly after death.

That reminded me of a favorite co-worker who has the irreverent way of saying that somone had died, "Awe, he done farted and fell!"

I'm gonna miss that funny old cuss when he retires later this year. Ron is an old time cowboy, raised on a ranch between Walsenburg, and Pueblo, Colorado, and he still uses some of the funny old sayings.

-RW-
 
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RogueWarrior1957

Guest
Snicker, giggle, and likewise, chortle! I am now a certified scat-ologist! :D

Here I will leave you with a story I passed on to some friends last night. I quoted it from a joke one of my bosses told me over 12 years ago...hope I get it right...and please pardon the undisguised "bad word."

The Fabulous Foo Bird

Back in the early days of National Geographic, they sent photographers and explorers around the globe to bring back strange stories and pictures of strange animals in exotic places. After a documentary on a tribe in a wild unexplored tropical area, the powers to be at National Geographic were fascinated with the exotic plumage that made up the headdress of the tribal chief. Upon further investigation, it was disclosed that the feathers came from the legendary "Foo" bird.

They sent their best and most experienced explorer/photographer to get some photos of this strange and elusive creature. The agent goes to the tribal village, and the chief himself offers to guide the agent through one of the wildest jungles this explorer has ever seen. Finally, after several false alarms, a Foo is spotted in a tree preening it's fabulous plumage. The explorer manages to get off some pretty detailed and exquisite shots of the rare creature. He is so excited at his good fortune that he breaks out in a sweat. Just as he removes his hat to mop the perspiration from his brow, the Foo flies out of the tree, right over the explorer, and craps squarely on the man's bald head. He instinctively starts to brush the poop off his head when the chief grabs his hand, "NO! Must not wipe off Foo pooh! Foo bird sacred! If Foo poop on person, then that person is blessed, but if you wipe off Foo pooh, you will die instantly!"

The chief is so adamant about this ancient curse, that the man just puts his hat back on and they go about their way. Back at the airport, while boarding the flight home, the man tips his hat to a lady and she starts snickering about the bird poop on his head. He starts to wipe it off again and remembers the chief's admonition, "NO! Must not wipe off Foo pooh! Foo bird sacred! If Foo poop on person, then that person is blessed, but if you wipe off Foo pooh, you will die instantly!"

So he put his hat back on and selected a seat.

Back in the states, everyone is ecstatic over the rare footage this man has brought back. He is to hold a press conference and show the photos and tell his story. He is getting ready to give his speech, and removes his hat prior to saying the Pledge of Allegiance. When the crowd sees the bird poop on his head, they burst into an uproarious peal of laughter. The explorer is tired of all the mumbo-jumbo by now and decides to wipe it away. For the third time he hears the chief's voice, "NO! Must not wipe off Foo pooh! Foo bird sacred! If Foo poop on person, then that person is blessed, but if you wipe off Foo pooh, you will die instantly!"

He thinks..."We're thousands of miles from that backwards country...I'm back in the good old USA...the hell with this!" With that, he wipes his head with a handkerchief and a blue bolt of lightning strikes him dead in front of the horrified crowd.

And the moral to our little story:

"If the Foo shits...wear it!"

-RW-
 

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