Colds, Caliche, and Cow Slobber

mcelweed

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May 10, 2012
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Location
Albuquerque
Now that I have your attention I’m sure you’re wondering what these have to do with an antelope hunt. Bear with me and all will be made clear. For those of you old enough to remember Patrick McManus’ humorous stories in Field and Stream, this will likely sound like one of his misadventures with his childhood friend Rancid Crabtree. I’m trying to find the humor. I’m trying REALLY hard!

On Thursday I went up to northeast New Mexico to set up camp and scout Friday for my 1st ever antelope hunt beginning Saturday. My wife was bringing my 13-year-old daughter up on Friday evening so she could hunt with me and maybe learn something for her hunt coming up in the end of September. As I was leaving the neighborhood I barely clipped a car with the back of the camper as I was turning around in our cul-du-sac. Fortunately, it barely scuffed the paint on the car and didn’t damage the camper at all, but unfortunately, it was an omen of things to come.

When I finally made it to the area of my hunt, I initially missed my turn off from the blacktop road onto the dirt road. With no place to turn around on the hard top road for several miles I decided to take a short cut down a parallel dirt road. Not my wisest choice. Now if it wasn’t monsoon season in NM everything would have been fine. I soon found myself at a dirt road intersection that promised mud bogging conditions every direction with the most promising direction the mud covered way I just came. After about 20 minutes of back and forward trying to turn around a 28-foot trailer on single lane dirt roads I drove back out to the main road to go back to the correct turn off. Because I was alone many words were expressed that couldn’t be repeated in front of my daughter.

By the time I got to the location I had scouted to camp the truck and camper were covered in caliche mud. For those unfamiliar with NM caliche, it is the southwest version of Georgia red clay and rivals it in slickness and coating capability. As a matter of fact, it is probably worse because it is that slick but full of small gravel particles. I still can’t figure out how something so gritty can be so slick.

antelope.jpg

I saw three bucks on my assigned ranch Friday and we scouted a little more Friday after I pick up my daughter in Roy, NM. Things were looking up. Or at least I thought they were. I was actually being lulled into a false sense of security. We headed back to the camper for supper and getting our packs put together for the start of the hunt the next day. The monsoons kicked in again that evening, a regular occurrence this year.

Saturday started early as we put our stuff in the truck to drive to my area. We drove across the soggy roads picking up more caliche mud to coat the truck. We drove about 2 miles back into my assigned ranch along a two-track road that intermittently disappeared in the prairie passing through at least 5 gates that varied in difficulty to open. They ranged from breath on them lightly to needing a BFH, a Big F***** Hammer. We managed to arrive in plenty of time to climb to the top of the rim rock canyon to begin glassing. As we started getting our stuff out of the truck, you guessed it, I couldn’t find the rifle. I thought she had grabbed it and she thought I had. I know, my hunt, my responsibility. I’ll take the hit. More words, using my inner monologue, I couldn't repeat in front of my daughter. So back in the truck to drive 20 minutes back to the camper through the afore mentioned gates of Hell.

After retrieving the rifle, we went with plan B. We drove about 500 yards up the only other passable road on the property to the base of a hill we could glass from. As we walked to the crest of the hill we spotted 5 antelopes; a doe, an immature buck and 3 small, but decent, bucks. We then spotted 2 more bucks about another 300 yards past the first group. The stalk was on and the previous misfortunes forgotten. We dropped back from the crest of the ridge and circled around in an attempt to close the distance. By the time we got around to where the antelope had been bedded they had moved on. All 7 were nowhere in sight.

We walked over to a tank to sit down and rest and regroup. As we sat there I continued to glass and eventually spotted a nice buck about 600 yards out slowly feed diagonally toward and to our left. As he closed to about 500 yards he stopped moving toward us and angled more right to left. We made the decision to break out the Montana Decoy Big Red Moo Cow and attempt to close the distance. Initially he was wary but curious. As we made it to about 400 yards he decided that was enough and bailed over the hill and disappeared. Antelope 2, us 0.

By this time, it was 10:30 and there had been a lot of shooting on the property north of us, so we decided to head back to the camper and get lunch and maybe nap. We headed back out around 3:00 to try the far east end of the property we had unsuccessfully tried first thing that morning. After battling the gates and wandering across the prairie we made it back to the rim rock and climbed on top. That’s when it began.
My daughter announced she was tired and her shoulders hurt in that endearing way only a 13 year old girl can. I convinced her to press on and we found this little guy.

toad.jpg

We headed back to the truck and I stopped on top to glass for antelope while she went back to the truck. I found 2 bucks but they were deep on the property to our south. They showed no sign of moving back on our property so I headed to the truck as the monsoons rolled back in. My daughter told me she was tired and wanted to go home so we texted my wife and told her we would call her after dinner. Turns out she was coming down with a cold that hit full force the next morning.

After dinner we drove to Roy to call the wife; however there was no cell service in Roy. Now I was stuck, I had told the wife we would call and she would assume the worst if we didn’t call so off to Springer, NM we went. Forty-six miles right into the heart of one of the most impressive lightning storms I’ve seen in a while as it was turning dark. Nothing like having lightning strikes right in front of you while driving in the dark through pouring rain.
Needless to say my wife was not happy with the prospect of having to drive 2.5 hours each way the next day to come get my daughter. It’s understandable she had looked forward to only half the drama for the weekend with our other daughter (11 years old) and was now was looking at full drama again. She reluctantly agreed to come anyway the next afternoon.

We slipped and slid our way back to the camper picking up even more caliche. It was about 10:30 by the time we got back and made it to bed.

So where does the cow slobber come in? Around 1 am as I slept I began to become aware that the camper was shaking. At first I thought it was another storm moving in, but as I was coming out of my daze I realized it wasn’t a storm. It was then that I began to hear a deep huffing sound as the camper shook. In my sleepy haze I thought to myself, “Bigfoot isn’t known as a prairie creature!” I slid open the blinds to see what was happening and saw a flash of something near the front of the camper. I was trying to decide if elk would be this deep into the grassland when I saw an enormous bull (Yes, the cattle type) come around the camper and continue scratching his butt on the front of the camper. I soon realized we were surrounded by the entire herd that had decided that our truck and camper were the only scratching posts within miles.

Over the next hour and a half we alternated between going outside to run them off, locking the truck doors with the associated beeps, and finally sounding the panic button. They finally wandered off and we tried to go back to sleep. I have to admit the thought of fresh steaks did cross my mind a couple of times. I decided we would sleep in a little and go out a couple hours after sun up. Around 6 am the camper began shaking again. They’re Baaack! This time they were more persistent. I was afraid they would knock the camper off the jacks and do some real damage to our brand new camper so hunting was out. I finally, reluctantly, gave into my destiny and decided to pack it up and leave. Especially since the rain was supposed to roll back in by early afternoon and stick around until Monday evening.

As we were packing up I realized not only was my truck and camper covered with caliche, but also cow slobber. Apparently they either thought my big red truck was a giant sucker or the caliche had some minerals in it they were attracted to. Try explaining that to your carwash guy.

So overall my first attempt at antelope hunting was an unmitigated disaster. If you found this post humorous, you’re a sick sadistic individual! Just kidding. See humor is already beginning to return. I’m hoping this post with be cathartic and can try antelope hunting again next year at least without the colds and cow slobber. I think the caliche is just a given!
 
Great story! It'll be more fun to tell in the future. I've been there. High anticipation going into an event and then it seems like everything that can, does go awry. Glad to see you have a sense of humor about it.
 
Love this story! Being from Ohio, my western hunts always start with a 20+ hour drive with my close friends. It seems that more time than not, the things that don't include actual hunting really define each trip. In our travels we've survived countless wrong turns, nearly running out of gas, getting stuck in the mud (in the middle of a desert???), even a mule deer vs Chevy Blazer collision that proved fatal for both the deer and the SUV. The last one resulted in 5 guys 200 lbs or more crammed in a Dodge pickup for the 1400 mile drive home. Not a pretty sight.

Just think how boring this sight would be if every hunt went perfect. Good luck next year! I Hope (almost) everything goes well!!
 
Good story and attitude, I've been in many a vehicle/trailer rodeo getting to base camp...and out.
 
Nice story!
Gotta have a sense of humor when adversity pops up.
I have seen cattle lick the side of vehicle dragging there teeth along it putting some nice scratches all over it.
 
Ollin Magnetic Digiscoping Systems

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