Heard this one before?

[Fat Bassturd]

I'm pretty sure this one is an oldie, but it is a goodie:

A guy is buying a horse from a rancher and says he's
sending over someone to check out the horse. The
rancher asks how will he recognize the guy.

The buyer says, "That's easy, he's a midget with a
speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up and the rancher asks if he's
looking for a male or a female horse.

"A female horth," says the midget. So he shows him
his prize filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I see her eyeths?" So the
rancher picks up the little guy and he gives the
horses eyes the once over.

"Nith eyethes, can I see her earzth?" So the rancher
picks him up and shows him the horses ears.

"Nice earzth, can I see her mouf?" Now the rancher is
getting pretty tired of this, but he picks him up
again and shows him the horses mouth.

"Nice mouf, can I see her twat?" The rancher has had
it by now and grabs the guy under his arm and jams the
midget's head up the fillys rear end, pulls him out
and throws him on the ground. The midget gets up
sputtering and coughing.

"Perhaps I should rephrathe that. Can I see her wun
around a widdle bit?"

 

[Fat Bassturd]

Here's another:


7 Degrees of Blonde

1st DEGREE:

A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the
morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a
moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung
up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some
woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

2nd DEGREE:

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says,
"Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second
one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

3rd DEGREE:

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out
and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really
angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The
boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're
next!"

4th DEGREE:

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK,
what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy: W."

5th DEGREE:

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant? "Is it mine?"

6th DEGREE:

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously,she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the
trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by
an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine"
the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer
asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!"
the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this
TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was
another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to
the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there
was...." "Uh, ma'am, 'the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree
on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

7th DEGREE:

Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she
had been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit
patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on
the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,"I come home to
find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman!"