cjcj
New member
THE RULES OF RURAL ARIZONA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
Listen up City Slickers!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap straight, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive
a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to
you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Hwy I-10
goes east and west, Hwy I-17 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 combines
and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural Arizona waves. It's called 'being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your
ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat meat and potatoes. You really want sushi & caviar? It's
available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer hunting season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. There's little for 'vegetarians' on the menu. Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
turkey.
12. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and
breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how
to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
spooks the fish.
16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have Universities and Community
Colleges. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and
country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
17. We have a whole ton of folks in the Armed Forces. So don't mess with
us. If you do, your ass will get whipped by the best.
18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your
boxers. (Refer back to #1).
20. (For those north of Flagstaff) 2 inches of snow & ice isn't a
blizzard - it's a vacation. Drive like you got some sense in it, and
DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This
ain't Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day without
croissants. The pickups with snow blades and tractors with snow blowers will
have you out the next day.
A true Arizonan will send this on
Listen up City Slickers!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap straight, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road.' I drive
a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going
to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to
you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Hwy I-10
goes east and west, Hwy I-17 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 combines
and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural Arizona waves. It's called 'being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your
ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat meat and potatoes. You really want sushi & caviar? It's
available at the corner bait shop.
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer hunting season.
It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. There's little for 'vegetarians' on the menu. Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
turkey.
12. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and
breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
over ice.
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how
to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it
spooks the fish.
16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have Universities and Community
Colleges. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and
country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
17. We have a whole ton of folks in the Armed Forces. So don't mess with
us. If you do, your ass will get whipped by the best.
18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your
boxers. (Refer back to #1).
20. (For those north of Flagstaff) 2 inches of snow & ice isn't a
blizzard - it's a vacation. Drive like you got some sense in it, and
DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This
ain't Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day without
croissants. The pickups with snow blades and tractors with snow blowers will
have you out the next day.
A true Arizonan will send this on
