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    The Miracle Of Toilet Paper

    >Subject: THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER >Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my >husband that my breasts are too small. > >Instead of characteristically telling me it?s not so, he >uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. > >"If you want your breasts to...
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    The Red Pigeon Story...

    The Red Pigeon Story... The mayor of Houston Texas was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Houston. The mayor could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Houston was full of pigeon poop. The people of Houston couldn't walk on the sidewalks or drive on the roads. It was...
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    The Texan

    The Texan A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it...
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    Anniversary gift

    Anniversary gift A husband was in BIG trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. "Tomorrow," his wife angrily told him, "there had better be something in our driveway that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat!" The next morning, the wife looked outside and saw a small package in...
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    a prescription

    A nice, calm, and respectable woman went into a pharmacy, looked > the > pharmacist straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy > some cyanide." > > The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" > > The woman replied, "I need it to poison my...
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    Wal-mart Application

    WAL-MART APPLICATION This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny..... NAME: Jack Buckley (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will...
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    Las Vegas Churches

    Las Vegas Churches This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from...
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    Old Harold

    Old Harold's In The Hospital > > > >Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. > > > >There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. > > > >Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he >was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of >voice, "And how are...
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    Blonde Girls 2005 Diary

    Blonde Girls 2005 Diary January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels... "duh"... bottles won't fit in a typewriter. March - Got excited... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months... box said "2-4 years!" April -...
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    a blonde joke

    >> This Blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all >> these Blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as >> stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are >> smart. >> While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to >> paint a couple of...
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    speeding

    While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked...
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    Off to see the Pope

    Off to see the Pope This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable. A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair...
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    Subject: Cussing 101

    Subject: Cussing 101 A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "you > know > > what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started > > cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old > > continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm...
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    Got To Love Tennessee

    GOT TO LOVE TENNESSEE A guy from Tennessee passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How do you know when you're staying in a Tennessee hotel? When you...
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    gas prices

    More proof that gasoline prices are out of control: I pulled into a full service gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas. The guy farted, took my five and walked away.
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    a monkey an a lizard

    A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past, looks up, and says, "Hey! What are you doing?" The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey. They have a few more hits. After a while, the lizard says...
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    Church Donation

    Church Donation One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the...
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    proxy father

    Subject: Fw: PROXY FATHER > >> > >>>The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start > >>>their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed > >>>his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon." > >>>Half an hour later, just by chance, a...
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    On E- Bay

    Click here: eBay item 7167499158 (Ends Jul-10-05 19:51:05 PDT) - pepsi can shot by larry with 12 gauge mossberg shotgun
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    a haircut

    A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber...

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